self-motivation

THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

breakups

Recommitting to My Intentions

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.”
― G.K. Chesterton


I recently began a new venture that takes up all my morning. It began this month in August and my schedule had to undergo some minor adjustment. As a result I have been more occupied than I’d been in the past couple of months since June to be precise. I have also undergone a small inhibition that hasn’t enabled me to post on my blog as often as I would have loved to and in addition to that, my August morning engagements have eaten up a large chunk of my writing hours. I tend to be swamped with extra commitments, plus the other things I have to do daily, as a result I find that I have little time to write.

In the midst of all these, I would come to a new awareness. I realize how my writing invigorates me. I am amused by how much energy I draw from writing my inspirational pieces and having gone days without writing, I am now patched and dry and drained. I feel like I haven’t had my dose of high for a long, long time and that is true! I also realize that just maybe, my readers may feel the same way too; feeling patched and dry and missing their dose of inspiration.

So today I’m recommitting to my intentions, to being a muse of inspiration to thousands and thousands and hopefully millions of girls, and women across the world, and to the men who love them. I hope to make this recommitment daily, not only for them but more so for myself. I find that in creating hope, insight and revelation for others, I create the same in myself. Therefore in my giving is my receiving. In my sacrifice, is my reward. In my work, is my compensation. In my labor is immense pleasure.

This discovery and rediscovery will be the turning point of my success; it is the stirring of my essence, the revivification of my writer’s block and the creation of my brainwaves. Consistence holds the key to abundance and wealth. Persistence is the test of time as well as the test of our faith in what we believe. And together, persistence and consistence will implode into milky ways and fireworks.

In this light, I will like to encourage you stay the course, run the mile, hold your image. And if you are yet to discover what your mojo is muchless love it, then ask yourself these questions – What is that thing that I miss so much it makes my heart ache? What do I love so much it makes my pulse race with happy satisfaction? What infuses me with so much energy I feel I can move mountains?

I hope you find what you love. I hope that you love it enough to recommit to it everyday of every month of every year. Selah.


“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

Recommit

BEAUTIFUL IMPERFECTION

Broken but together, cracked but not falling apart, bitter but sweet, shaken but at peace


I am broken inside
I have survived a great crash, yet again
I have been thrown hard against the tides
I have been struck by lighting
I have been smashed against the rocks
I have been swept ashore
I am many pieces, about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am fractured all over
I am scorched by sun, day in day out
I am frozen by night
I am constantly tauten in every instance
I am stretched thin
I am made to shrink, yet again
I am a victim of my aspirations
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am a vase of tulips and gall flies
I am the honeybee and the honey
I bear in my body bitter experiences, then again,
I bear in my mind sweet memories,
I am the lovely daisy,
I am alive by day and asleep at night
I am a product of two worlds
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

I live in the center of insanity
I am swung north and then south
I travel through a rickety terrain
I bob along with the rapid bumps and jolts
I navigate chaotic cities and its mindless citizens in my stride
I harvest a speck of sense from their mindless babble
I am shaken about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

imperfectns

WAKE UP AND LIVE

It’s not about attaining your dream, it’s growing stronger through the challenges of attaining your dream and who you become through that journey

Have you ever wondered why it is often said that you are your greatest opposition and your greatest enemy? Why it is strongly believed that the most important battles in life are the battles of the mind? Why no matter what happens unless you believe in yourself very little can come out of your seemingly great efforts? Why you are constantly asked to dress the part. It is because, even though you embody this great dream or idea, you are more important than the dream or goal or idea, whatever it may be.

Often times we put too much emphasis on what we want to get, what we want to achieve and then we neglect what is most important which is, getting there. We neglect that bridge that connects us from ‘here’ to ‘there’. We forget that our ‘here’ is of as much significance as our ‘there.’  We are swayed by fantasies of the glittering ‘there’ and in an attempt to achieve this great dream, we submerge ourselves in activities rather than in growth.

Think about a child, lets say your little niece for instance, who loves to micmic roles of an actress. Every time she performs an act you laugh and pat her back, and try to encourage her fantasies by buying her things that would keep her flames alive. Still you know within yourself that it takes a grown woman to be an actress. And no matter how much she tries as a child actress, she would have to be a full grown woman, schooled thoroughly in theater, to truly become an actress.

It takes a certain kind of person to become a certain kind of person. And it takes a certain kind of person to attain a certain kind of lifestyle, or achieve a certain kind of goal. If your dream is to double your income, and earn say $5,000 as monthly income, the most important question to you, shouldn’t be about struggling for a promotion or a getting a better paying job, rather it should be thus; “Who do I need to become to earn $5000?” Other than focusing on your results, you focus on the process.

The purpose of your goal is the journey. The purpose of the pursuit is the process.

Whenever you set a new goal in life, you automatically raise the standards you operate by. With your new goal, you say to yourself, this is who I intend to become. You realize that in order to reach your goal, you must become a certain type of person. This means your goal is high up there and you are down below here and in order to reach it you must stretch. That stretch is your process, your journey; that is what is most important.

Not the $5000. Not the house by the beach. Not the fat bank account. Not fame or popularity. Instead what happens between ‘here’ and ‘there’ and who you become. That is where the transformation takes place. The exchange; that is where the price is paid. That is where you negotiate. Multi-billion dollar babies do not become billion dollar babies only because hay had a big break. They became billion dollar babies because they changed… from who they were to who they needed to be to become multi-million dollar babies.

Isn’t it obvious that the biggest reason why we never talk about what we want to become in life is become we fear being scorned and laughed at? And why are we scorned and laughed at? Why do these mediocre minds, so to speak, look you over and laugh their hardest when you tell them how you are going to build the most magnificent structure ever known to man? Simple, it is because you do not look like the sort of person who builds magnificent architectural work, even though you seem one of the best in your class.

And it isn’t so much about your appearance but your aura, your general comportment. They look at your entire make-up and they think to themselves, she must be dreaming. That is why you have to prove them wrong. And you can only do that by changing, growing, and becoming that outstanding architect. You focus more on becoming than on attaining. Allowing yourself to be totally consumed by the result of your goal can be gruesome and frustrating because you work your ass off and rake in very little rewards. Instead, you focus on becoming this awe-struck personality who achieves thus and thus a goal. That way you find that rather than fuss, you glide through your process.

We’ll never get it all done; we’ll never get it all “right”. It’s here for us to enjoy the process.

Having raised the standards in your life, you created the space you’ll need to stretch so you can reach your goal, as you stretch you change, don’t forget to enjoy the process. Don’t get too carried away working to be the part, that you forget to dress the part. That is the fun part, the dress rehearsal so to speak. When kids do make-believe, they do it with delight and with deep satisfaction. It is in that deep satisfaction that you stretch. That is where growth takes place. In the spaces where you enjoy with deep satisfaction, the little details that add up along the way.

Yes you may have to attend seminars or conferences where people who have achieved your desired milestone are found, attempt what they have done, and do what they did but far above it all is loving it while you do it. Live throughout the process don’t sleep through it and hope to suddenly wake up at the other side. You will be sorely surprised.

In this journey, you must stay awake, alive, animated. If you have to return to school, do it with fervor. If you must take a course or go on a trip to immense yourself in certain cultures or learn a new language, do it with enthusiasm and eager expectation. If you must change jobs, as you go through the process of sending out your resumes to different employers, let it be an adventure and not some boring obligation.

Who am I becoming in all of this?

Who are you becoming? Big question. Are you happier, more grateful and hopeful or are you frequently depressed, complaining, and negative every step of the way. Remember, that everything is everything; the way you do one thing is the way you will do another and consequently, who you are becoming determines the prize. You are either becoming the strong athlete who runs for the prize or you are the grumpy trainee who never makes it to the big game in the first place.

A cheerful heart and a cheerful attitude will get you to your destination faster and happier while ingratitude, complaints, blame and a disgruntled attitude will bring you disappointments, rejections and hard luck stories. What you need is a high dose of positivity and positive expectations, so that no matter how many times you fail, you know failure contributes more to your growth than anything else in the world.

Wake up and live. Be excited about your transformation and your change. Your ‘there’ is only a a few ‘heres‘ away. Enjoy this now, enjoy this moment, be grateful for today, embrace your growth. And trust me, by the time you get ‘there’ hardly will any of those laughing jackasses accept that what they see is true. They will see that you made it, and that you have become this shinning star and they will not recognize you. It is because you have grown. You have changed. You are now the sort of person who does great and amazing things.

serena-williams-wins-2013-french-open

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOOK AWAY TO STAY FOCUSED

STAY HUNGRY. STAY FOOLISH – Steve Jobs


I made a major shift recently in my life that probably confused a handful of people and a few of my friends. I realized that I was constantly stressed, repeatedly drained and overly busy doing a lot of stuff in pursuit of my goals. I was stretched in so many directions trying to build my PR business, grow my clientele, and pursue my passion as a writer at the same time.

My emotions were stretched thin and so was my perseverance, especially because living a city like Lagos, (the busiest, craziest and the most insanely bustling city in Nigeria) you are forced to contend with many oppositions; its dynamic and infuriated demography, the mad rush and the endemic competitive residents. It can be crazy. It is crazy. And commuting within the city was one of my most dreaded ventures. It was hostile and it sucked out the very life out of you.

I knew I needed to take a break, a breather, something, anything to transfuse the life back into me. So I made major decisions, I dropped everything as in everything. And disappeared. LOL. Yeah, that was what I did. I had to find my Mojo, get back my zip and my tang. I had to revive those dead cells, regenerate the very tissues that gave me my uniqueness, so I did what only me was known to do at the very odd times and the very unexpected moments. I shifted.

My friends thought, “Oh dear, here she goes again.” My new acquaintances thought, “What the hell is wrong with her, is she okay?” My family members, didn’t understand it but supported me all the same. They give me that look that says, “hey babe, we don’t know what the hell you’re about right now but we can tell its going to be gorgeous.”

Before I dropped everything and disappeared, everything weirdly, seemed to be working out. I’d just closed two fabulous deals that seemed like the bomb. They were the bomb. And the clients were nothing short of extraordinary, breathtaking and awesome. They were the kind of people you wanted to spend your lunch time with everyday and in every way. Two stunning and spectacular female entrepreneurs who called the shots in their fields.

Still I dropped it all and disappeared. Why? Something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t in place. Everything wasn’t in place even though everything seemed to workout. I wasn’t in place. I was out of focus. And if you’re into filmmaking, you’ll know that isn’t right. I’m the movie star here. I’m the protagonist. I’m the life of the party. Why should I be out of focus, be the blur? I was off balance. I was tilting to the edge, about to fall off.

That certainly wasn’t right. So in order to get it all back together, to stand still, erect and solid, I had to take my eyes off the chaos in spite of the spotted fabulosity. I had to look away to set my eyes on what was most important and most crucial — me. I had to get back to center. Take my eyes off the exterior and place it on the interior.

Oh, and its been amazing. My muscles are healing, stretching and growing. And this blog happens to be the first fruits of that transformation. I have found my voice and I am building my tribe. It is so easy and insanely fulfilling, I can hardly contain myself. I mean I am so in touch with my inner self, and alive like never before, I am awed by my own growth.

My coach always told me that the inner growth was the most crucial and the most important. Everything else springs from your inner growth. She gave an illustration with workouts; when you workout, you are advised to do it every other day because the space in between is when your muscles heal and grow. Growth happens in silence and quite. You only have to believe, and find the courage to take your eyes off whats weighing you to find what will reenergize you.

It’s never easy to leave the familiar and chase after the unknown. It is perhaps the scariest thing you will ever do. Yet it promises to be good — in the long run. That is where staying focused comes in. Once you find your center, stay on it. Once you find what you love, stay with it. Once you find your silence, never comprise it. Once you take your eyes off the distracting exterior, keep your eyes on your internal core. Let everything else flow from your epicenter.

Stay on that goal, water that seed, and keep watering it, never mind that the shoots take forever to sprout. The seed itself needs to draw from the earth, its nutrients, the sunlight, and the water you give it and these take a significant amount of time. Your seed needs sometime to announce its potential to the universe in order to draw just what it needs for its development, and trust me that doesn’t happen in one day, or one month. It could take years. (More about the seed soon)

So, like my role model, Steve Jobs said, stay foolish — disappear if you have to but find your Mojo, stay hungry — keep chasing after the unknown. You can hardly go wrong. You cannot connect the dots now, I hardly can myself. Still, I’m certain that in a few years from now, I would be most grateful to God, that I made that shift when I did. Stay foolish — you will be misunderstood sometimes, but stay focused. Welcome to August!

Desert girl

 

10 WEIRD HABITS OF SUCCESS GURUS WORTH LEARNING

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”― Mahatma Gandhi


1. Weird moments of solitude, staring into nothing
Have you ever tried thinking of all the bits of information that your brain has to analyze, ignore, memorize and retain? Hold that thought. Now think of these gurus and all the handwork they put into their businesses, lifestyles, relationships, managing their staff, clientele base, and the ever evolving big idea, finding a balance between them and making loads of cash at the same time. Cool. Now imagine the ginormous amount of information they have to analyze, ignore, memorize and retain? Seriously, for the success guru, silence is paramount. Moments when the mind is free from thinking and free from thinking about thinking are highly essential to anyone who’s going to make a difference in his sphere of influence. Silence will recharge your energy while your body and mind is at rest. One of the secrets of silence; finding some quiet and sitting in a complete hushed state, is that it boosts creativity. And creativity requires solitude. If you are having major blocks in your creative work as an artist or entrepreneur, or even as a stay-at-home mum, you should try silence; find a quiet spot and sit still for just 10 minutes, try it once a day everyday, and watch how the magic unfolds inner peace, clarity, creativity and self-discovery into your life.

2. Weird long hours writing and writing, stacking piles of notebooks
The journal. I think I might do a separate piece on the power of the journal soon. Perhaps next month in August. There is power in writing your thoughts, your goals, your dreams, your aspirations, your challenges and how you tackled them, your intentions and how the miracles that follow, your big idea and its exponential potential, your growth, your journey, your little victories, your gratitude. The list is endless. Only write. Great successes of history can attest to having stacks and stacks of notebooks about their dreams and then in turn, show you how those dreams have unfolded. A friend of mine, a politician and entrepreneur, who encourages me to keep writing, once said to me; whatever you do not write does not exist. Likewise, I say to you, whatever your dreams or your desires, or your hopes or your visions, even your little victories (the ones you so often ignore), unless you write them down, they do not exist. Writing down your goals among other things, gives you power. It is you reinforcing your voice, and your voice is your power. So begin today, get a notebook.

3.Weird moments of asking questions, inquiring
They are always curious. The desire to want to know, to understand, to seek out, to discover, to uncover, to find out, to grasp, to unearth, to comprehend is never ending for the one who will make it big even for the one who already has. The law of Curiosity by John C. Maxwell explains; Growth begins by asking why? Solutions come only to those who ask why? Great inventions happened to great inventors because they asked why? The secret to your success or  to greater success for you may actual lie in you becoming a complete nuisance so to speak, asking too many questions at a conference and becoming a pain in the ass. So long as you do it with the intention to learn more, know more, understand better and solve more problems. And guess what, the more problems you solve, the more success you attract. Good luck with getting more curious.

4. Weird quiet moments of observation
They have their eyes open at all times. They study everything and anything that is within the sphere of their vision. They are good at studying human behavior. They can look you over and in a moment and read you like a book. This quality gives them the edge in almost everything they do, from hiring the right staff to choosing a business partner. They read the small prints and are always reading between the lines. Nothing goes unnoticed. Therefore nothing takes them by surprise. They possess the characteristics of the lion and the lamb. They play the fool long enough to glean off as much as they need, then they crouch like the lion waiting to pounce on the next opportunity. Understand that you do no know everything and sometimes situation warrants, you learn by just watching, observing and absorbing, without speaking a single word. Make mental notes of your observations and then go back to the drawing board. Curiosity in asking why is awesome but asking in order to learn, isn’t always about speaking, it can be observing too. It pays to know what scenarios to apply either of both qualities.

5. Weird dietary routines and workout routines
They are ‘keep fit’ freaks. I guess they realize that they need to stay alive and healthy to make any difference in the world and the higher they go the more disciplined they get with what they eat, how they eat and the more concerned they are about how they look. In spite of their busy schedules they get to workout and go for frequent checkups with the doctor. Something Brian Tracy said come to mind; in life, the moment who make money, you begin to think less about money and start to spend your time doing other things that are most important. True. You begin to think about  family time more, your health and your well being and other pleasures of life. Money becomes the least of your concerns. On the contrary, if you haven’t made any money, it is all you think about.  Working out and eating right may be the last things on your to-do-list. We will do well though, to start taking our health and physical fitness a lot more serious and not wait till the time is perfect.

6. Weird obsessions about punctuality
I learned quiet recently that one can never go wrong with punctuality. It says too much about you when you’re late to an important appointment. Note the word, important. If you’re late then it probably wasn’t important after all. And worst still if the important meeting was with an important figure. I also learnt a new line of wisdom that goes thus; everything is everything. They way you do anything is the way you do everything. So you see why arriving late all the time tells so much about you. Sometimes you seem to just do things and barely think through your actions, meanwhile, someone somewhere is watching and writing a new chapter about you everyday by simply observing you and the things you do.  When people say no to you, think it through, what are they seeing? Likewise when they yes, what could you be doing right?

7. Weird simple appearances at social gatherings
My coach once said to me, when you go to a gathering, the person who is overly dressed is probably the poorest person in the room. Appearance is everything. This doesn’t mean you go everywhere looking anyhow and untidy. Sometimes people feel that caring less about their appearance is part of humility or it is their way of saying to the world, ‘I have better things on my mind’. Not a good idea. Appearance speaks volumes. And as humans we are usually ruthless with the rule called first impression. We can glance an individual over and decide what or how to feel about that person without even hearing them speak in the first instance. And our perception about that person is immediately colored forever by that initial judgement. The key is too always look good, look your best but don’t over do it. Over doing it is a hint on low self-esteem. Be big on the inside. Be confident and be awesome and you will be just fine. Most times, what is usually perceived is your aura not the clothing. When you have a strong positive aura, the clothing becomes of less importance.

8. Weird intense concentration when listening to anything
You can be talking trash and have the full attention of the big guns. It only means you will never fool them into bearing your company again. They listen to every thing said and unsaid. They are concerned more about what you are not saying with your mouth; what your body language seems to be bawling. Now imagine if you were talking sense, and you had the full hearing of the senator. Be sure to get invited for dinner, or expect a phone call from his secretary. Even if you don’t know what the hell you where saying , you must have said something right. Another trick is to keep silent if you have nothing to say. Silence is powerful and it takes a lot of character to stay quiet in a rowdy conversation where everyone seems to have something to say. Your silence soon presents you with an open mic and a platform in no time. Apart from loving wise words bold presentations, successful folks also know how to spot the quiet one who has chosen to remain confident in his non-vocal state.

9. Weird moments of silence when having a conversation, and fewer words
When speaking to someone of great importance, and he or she tends to respond with long moments of silence, don’t get uncomfortable and fill in all the gaps with gibberish. Just be silent in return. Especially if you have noting to say. Your quiet steadiness will, more often than not, pass off as confidence rather than stupid. Trying to fill in the gaps of silence will indicate restlessness or insecurity and a low self-esteem. Be still in your skin and you will be respected for surviving the steady gaze of the observing guru. Make it your turn to learn through observation as well. And when asked a question, try to make your responses as brief and detailed as you can. Remember to be honest too. You never know what they know. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg.

10. Weird humongous collection of books, always reading and reading
They never stop learning. Period. The moment you begin to think you have arrived you begin to diminish in value. Knowledge is inexhaustible and so is wisdom. There can never be enough of both. Like the proverbial saying of King Solomon; Of making many books there is no end, and too much study wearies the body. Humans will always continue to learn and want more information. It is the only way we can grow. Growth on the inside is the growth that is most important. Expand your mind, expand your horizon. Choose to improve daily. Begin with a book a month and then increase your speed. What qualifies a person as wise? Wisdom. Knowing. Understanding. It comes form reading, asking why, and observing. There is some much you do not know and so much you will never learn until you pick up a book and read.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”― Dr. Seuss

I’m often told by my coach that the secret to success is so simple, that many people pass it off as ineffective and inefficient. That is why only few people are truly successful and wealthy. Like reading books for instance, or listening to audio programs. Don’t expect your 20 something or 30 something year old minds to suddenly want to turn around and begin to read a book or workout every week. It takes persistence to teach your already set mind to begin imbibing a new way of doing things. That is where the handwork comes in — persistence.

reading

5 DISCOVERIES YOU WILL MAKE ON YOUR LIFE’S JOURNEY


A hero is born among a hundred, a wise man is found among a thousand, but an accomplished one might not be found even among a hundred thousand men. – Plato


1. There is always an extra mile, an extra push

Never think for once in your life that being mediocre has got its advantages. Maybe it does. In that case you will live a quiet meaningless life with not a single bother. You will spend most of your days a spectator, hardly a commentator because that would require a ginormous dose of gusto. But of course that isn’t in your plan. You may be thinking though, that well I am not Oprah, I cannot stand before a crowd and speak. Who says that’s what being a hero is all about? Who says it’s about trying to be someone else? Heroism is found within us. We become heroes when we realize that we matter in the world and in our own little way begin to make that impression on every soul we meet. We spread our pixie dust everywhere we go, we lift a dark cloud and leave behind some laughter, a soft touch, a big hug. We become wise when we embrace the joy of living with zest and with a niggling compulsion to be the soprano in every day’s symphony. This is a fact of life, that heroes and the wise can be spotted among a thousand. But the one who has gone the extra mile to hone her skills, and harness her innate power, is so hard to find. And isn’t it so, that the nurse in the small clinic downtown is known by her patients as one-in-a-million. And the teacher in the local school with broken windows, will always remain the favorite and most loved by her poor pupils, she is to them more than gold, a one-of-a-kind. And the single mum whose kids at Christmas would always inscribe in the card greatest-mum-ever. What is your purpose, what is your reason for being, what is your high calling? Is it to merely drift through life and bob at every opinion that wings its way through the air? Is it to be uninspired neither by sunshine or by rain? Is it to exude a lackluster vibe and be hidden from the stars above? Can you begin to discover the beauty muddled in disorder and find peace in chaos? Can you begin to make sense of your dilemmas? Can you find within you the courage, to piece together an image worthy of praise, with the fragments from your misfortune? Can you become a one-of-a-kind? Will you go that extra mile and be the one in one hundred thousand? Not the spectator.


You will learn as you get older, that the rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms and never, ever apologize for it. Mandy Hale


2. Rules are meant to be broken

Be unstoppable. Be brave. Be bold. As you evolve and your muscles toughen, you will begin to appreciate your journey more and love yourself even better. At every milestone you will realize how much you have grown, how much you have learnt and how lonely you have sojourned. You realize that indeed you have taken the road less traveled and even though it hasn’t been easy it’s been worth it. You have chosen the path that is uniquely yours and uniquely you. You have overcome the urge to trim off the very shoots that give you zing. You have embraced your quirkiness and in it you have discovered your greatest potential and now with it you will impact the world with wonder. But first you must travel this road, this rarely beaten path where the rules that exist are the ones you have chosen and designed, suitable for you and tolerable only by your quirkiness. You will learn this fact of life, first to be the unbearable pain and fear of being estranged, then later as an incredible reward; the joys of imperfections and the beauty of idiosyncrasies.


You will find your voice in so many places, it doesn’t mean you are insane, it only means that deep down, you recognize who you are and soon you will become at peace with that image. It means you are growing and are mastering your rhythm


3. You must make the effort to find yourself first, then everything else follows

As you journey through life you will see many wonders and creations that make you dance within. A line of thought, a song, a whisper. When you hear them, your heart leaps. In your search for yourself and what you love, you will meet many people, different origins and with different values yet something inside of them is recognizable to you. Something they say or do is familiar, like a faint memory, something in the way they interpret the world, aligns with something deep inside of you. In the myriad of hues, you find and choose the textures and patterns that are uniquely you and reflect your deepest desires. In the cacophony of tunes, you can single out the notes and tempos that resonate with you. In the midst of the dissonance, you find melody that only you can relate to the world. And within a jungle of views and values, from little pieces collected over time, you find rhythm, in it all there is concordance. As the puzzle assembles together, you begin to find yourself, your image is clearer, your voice is fine-tuned and your identity is certain. You have become a true citizen of the world. You have mastered your rhythm, now you can sing your song with audaciousness and grace. You have taken your place in the world.


You will learn that true love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion but on the contrary, an element calm and deep. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. – Ellen G. White


4. Your perspective about love will continue to evolve

A woman will discover love in the most awkward place, in the most unusual person, at the most unexpected time, and in the most defining moments of her life. If her life weren’t a defining moment at the time of falling in love, then finding love at the time, would certainly give it some definiteness. She would experience love in many colors, and many shades. At some point it is a roaring fire, some other time it is a ravaging beast, for some it is like the wind, never knowing where it is going or where it is coming from. For many it is a wild fire, it comes and licks up every ounce of their being. Life is saturated with tragedies and fairytale endings alike, where some have lost their senses, others have made sense of their lives, where some lose their reasoning, others found their paradise. Love is many things to different people, and overtime the wise ones among us have come to the conclusion that our perception of love is probably the last thing on the list. And time and again we will discover as we journey along, that love can be calm, and deep, like still waters running through rocky crevices. That it does after all, have eyes that can see, and it looks beyond the externals to discover emotions, gestures, motives and sensibilities within the person that is about to become lover or foe. True love is a mystery yet. One that will continually awe us for as long as the human race exists.

 


You won’t always get where you intended to go in life, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. – Marc & Angel


5. You won’t always arrive where you intended, but it would be just fine

If truly this is a journey, then in your hands are a map, and a compass, telling you what turn to take and what bridge to follow. Your destination is new to you, you have never been there before but with the map, you know just how to get there, so you prepare and you begin your journey. You have a picture in your mind’s eye of what this utopia will look like, you have painted one and possible etched it unto a board you carry with you as you journey. You follow the trail as directed by your map, you take each day at a time, you encounter all kinds of hazards and eventualities on the road, you meet a few other travelers, you exchange values and notes. You are making progress, you are persistent, and after what seems like a gazillion miles, you arrive at a certain city, bustling with so much exuberance and the people  there bounced with enthusiasm and optimism. You thought to yourself that perhaps you would camp there a while and then get on your journey, then you realized how you loved this place, somehow everything seemed fine and perfect and in place. You fit in like a cut out rock in the temple walls in Jerusalem. You thought that perhaps, it wouldn’t be so bad after all if you chose to call this place home and then like a Christmas miracle, you are told not to worry your little head over nothing. You discover that this place that you have grown to love is apparently the only existing city along this route. And  that though it can be spotted on the map it certainly isn’t on ground. Far from disappointed, you are overwhelmed with joy, that even though it isn’t like you painted it, you are happy just being there. These sort of adventures will happen many times throughout your life journey. You will have plans like school, canning your masters or your PHD, then somewhere in between, you fall crazily in love, get married and have a set of twins. You set goals to start a business, then a prospective client turns out to be a fantastic boss, you’re hired by the big guns and now you live and work abroad. It wasn’t what you intended but it fits like a glove, you are happy, satisfied, and moving along your course with contentment and joy.

Mysteries

LOST BUT NOT LOST

Don’t be afraid to lose yourself in what you love, you’ll find yourself there right back again – Marc & Angel

This is a typical case of finding a needle in a haystack, how does that happen? By a miracle. Simple. Only a miracle will suddenly bring you to the spot, at a time when you aren’t even looking, and voila, your needle. You pick it up and you laugh to yourself because you know that sort of thing doesn’t just happen and not to everyone. You think for a moment that perhaps, you are special after all.

There are moments in life when, like the needle in a haystack, you are lost and completely clueless. When you first started out, it was fun and dazzling, now it is well… a step away from crazy and insane as in really bad. Not good kinda bad.

You are wondering, wasn’t I supposed to be on this job for two years and then return to my home country? Why isn’t that happening? Why haven’t I made a move to quit? Wasn’t this supposed to be a casual date, why do I suddenly want more than just a casual date? Why do I suddenly harbor thoughts of satin dresses and cakes? This wasn’t part of the plan? Didn’t I say no babies until I had my second degree? How come I don’t feel a tinge of regret since the third baby arrived?

What is wrong with me? Am I losing my zip? Is this what happens when, you feel you are on the right track only to discover  you’ve  made a wrong decision, and then before you know it, everything collapses on you? What is happening to me? Why do I feel lost? I do love my life, but this new path was never part of the plan, how much longer before I lose my joy? Trust me, I can tell that something is awfully wrong, I usually don’t do this, I’m  usually not like this. I used to be the life of the party. The person everyone wants to talk to. The one who always dressed the sexiest. My days were brighter and funner.

What’s happening is that, we shift and we morph and we change, and when we change, everything changes. We stop loving peppers and start obsessing over garlic. We suddenly don’t want to travel the world again, we want to build a family. We wake up with a new urge and we start to draw a new map. We are loving it, but we are scared. We are frightened. We are terrified because we do not know where this new yearn will take us, how far it will throw us and maybe too far from the original plan, too far from the original goal.

It is true that our goals do evolve. It may look like a different goal but it is the same target, same aim. Same dream to be, do and have more in life. The dream to be all that we can. The sheer knowing that we can do all things, causes our subconscious mind to constantly bring our way all kinds of possibilities to ensure that we drink our fill of life.

So, it’s okay to feel lost sometimes, that things aren’t going as planned and what’s even scarier is that you aren’t inclined to stop it. You love the change. You secretly enjoy what it is doing to you, but you feel deep inside that you may have betrayed your dreams, no you haven’t. Don’t be afraid to lose yourself in what you love, you will find yourself there, right back again. Meaning, it’s only a matter of time and then the fog will clear and you find that you are right where you should be at the very place where it all adds up.

Lost but not lost

 

12 Secrets Game Changers Have in Common

I will do the work, it won’t be easy, it will be worthwhile

1. They are early risers
Love and cherish your mornings. There is something deep and spiritual about honoring your mornings with some reverence, like getting out of bed early enough and having some quiet all by yourself. It helps you begin your day on a fresh slate, knowing that every new day bears its possibilities as well as its challenges. You gain clarity, you set your priorities straight knowing there is only so much you can do in one day. Above all you drink in a blessing that is new, fresh, never before seen or heard or experienced, the blessing that is a new day, created for you to decorate and garnish as you so please. Ask any successful person you know and they will tell you that there is infinite power in honoring your sunrise. By rising early and quiet, with a clear mind, and a steady spirit intentionally free of worries, you are saying to the universe, “Here I am, ready yet again, to bring in a great harvest!”

2. They allow their angels to sing
Have you ever wondered why it seems like wealthy successful people have no worries? It is because they have mastered the art of giving the spotlight to their angels rather than their demons. We each have within us two voices telling us what we must do, the one you give prominence takes preeminence and that voice soon molds your personality. Do you lean more into your problems or do you lean more into your possibilities? This is not an easy thing to do especially when nothing seems to be going as planned. However it is one of the greatest strengths of game changers. When they have an idea, they plant it in their hearts and water it daily, never minding how long it takes for it to sprout. They are patient, they allow their angels sing to them with all kinds of sweet melodies, of hope, of positive eventualities, and songs about miracles, and impossibilities becoming possible. It is how Edison got through 1,000 mistakes without quitting. He did not allow his failures to trap his mind in limbo. He let his angels sing.

3. They are willing to wrestle their demons
Letting your angels sing isn’t exactly a joy ride. You are going to have demons in pursuit, your demons. Life is about an ongoing conflict between two masters, they go by different names in different circumstances. Light and darkness, truth and lies, positive thoughts and negative thoughts. In this case, they are called, angels and demons. It is a battle, a struggle, a tale of two cities. Be willing to wrestle your demons, only never give in. That is what keeps the tough going — tough times. And they are temporary, after a while your demons drawback, to fight another day. So be persistent, never let them overpower you, if you keep it up long enough, they soon mellow and bow to the stronger force — your never relenting singing angels. One way to keep your angels a gazillion steps ahead of your demons is by maintaining ‘number one’ — the early morning ritual. Angels love the lucidity of early dawns, it gives lift to their voices with their sopranos piercing through any obstacle and cracking it into bits and pieces, making room for you to spread your wings, creating new paths for you to explore, breaking new grounds for you to conquer. Never give in. Your demons are not as strong as they seem to be.

4. They hope afresh each morning

There is no greater destination in life than to have an endlessly changing horizon — for each day to have a new and different sun. — Marc & Angel

Hope keeps soul alive. Hope is food to the gladiator fighting to stay alive because he believes one day, if he pleases the crowd long enough, he might win his freedom. Have you ever been awed by a gladiators performance? The cheering crowd and the quivering coliseum are a sign that one day he could be free so in spite of the humiliation of being a pet project and a prisoner, he chooses to stay alive, all in hope of leaving the dungeon forever. A hopeless life is a meaningless life, with no pursuits, no aspirations, no pulse, only breath. One must always dream. Even when your goal falls through the cracks, derive another. Even when your treasure map goes into flames, awaken your instincts, let you intuition take over and see what surprises await you. Never wake up and just let things be, instead wake up and be awesome. Wake up and be gorgeous. Wake up and act as though it is christmas and there are tons of presents beneath the tree with your name inscribed on each.

5. They do something everyday to propel them towards their goal
Another way to put this is, they are not wishful thinkers. They are not day dreaming and snoring their way through life, cuddling their pillow and slurring about silly visions. They are real. They wake up and they pick up the axe, the pan, the golf stick, whatever it is they do for a living. They get to work. They put in another mile and then a mile extra. They give to each day, some sweat and some tears, then they put in more sweat and more tears. They keep going in this manner, day in day out, with their eyes on the big picture. They have a desired goal in mind. It is called a harvest. And we all know that harvests don’t drop from the sky, they are brought in by men who quite simply, go to work, and get their hands dirty. If Edison had 1,000 failures, it tells you how persistent he was day in, day out, trying something new in the direction of his goal and even though it seemed like he kept failing, each failure, being a result of action, only brought him closer to his eureka.

6. They recognize that the world needs them and they act accordingly

You are enormously significant. – You are one person out of seven billion people, on one planet out of eight, in one star system out of a hundred billion, in one galaxy out of another hundred billion.  And you are enormously significant! – Marc & Angel

If you’re going to be a game changer, then you must have a big ego, you must truly believe that you’re something to even think you can make a difference in your world. And that’s always a good to place to begin. Believing that you can be anything you choose to be and at any time or place or time. Its up to you. There are no special people only everyday people who have taken the courage to scribble the word special before their names. The minute you begin to realize that indeed you are special, you will move mountains, literally. Your mind opens up to all kinds of possibilities because you suddenly believe you can fly. And since you are special, it means there is something unique about you of which the world can benefit. Having this awareness will cause you to cherish your gifts and your talents, and it will make you want to invest precious time in developing these talents, so that your service is impeccable and memorable for all time.

7. They are genuinely concerned about the people they serve
It is not about you. Yes, you may get pretty comfortable in the end but this whole business isn’t all about you. It is for the greater good. For the good of mankind. Ever heard people say, that the fastest way to make money is to create better solutions for everyday problems. Little wonder food always sells, and power, and internet services in 3rd world countries, and mobile devices. Your rare talents are indeed gifts. They are what make you special and stand out in the world. They are what make you shine. They give you your luster among the stars. Gifts however are meant to be shared and not meant for you to keep away, or stored up to be eaten by moth. Successful people are genuinely concerned about their customers, audiences, subscribers and patrons. It’s always been about people and it always will. Keep improving. Keep seeking new ways to provide better solutions to the people you serve and do it with soul. Greed can only take you so far, but selflessness will continue to payoff long after you’ve left the scene.

8. They Maximize every second spent
Every second pays off. Game changers do not waste time. I read something recently, something that made me laugh silly and feel terribly sorry for myself at the same time. It said, “Ever wondered why you never see a commercial on Lamborghini cars? It’s because the people who can afford them are not sitting around watching TV.” In a generation only a few tabs away from going completely berserk with invention and creation, especially the invention and creation of entertainment, this may be a hard pill to swallow. However, there are people who have made significant impact in our world and they take their time seriously so that no second is unaccounted for, even when they play. This is going to shock you; would you believe, if I told you that the great Oprah Winfrey  never watches TV? Well she doesn’t. Google it! If the great TV content guru isn’t sitting around watching TV, then some of us have a long way to go. Then again it goes to say, that it must take some very serious commitment to ‘number 5’ for anyone to eliminate TV time. Also realize that anything that sucks up your attention and energy, like TV, is only sabotaging a significant amount of your precious 24 hours. I’m personally putting into practice the habit of placing my ‘number 5’ before any lousy indulgence.

9. They stay focused
Distractions can become a spice of life and less of a pain in the ass when you master how to hold the image of your big picture. Its like playing cards, you may deal a ton of cards and be dealt another ton in return but you never lose sight of your Aces. They are your game changers. Or like playing chess; ever watched two pros play chess before, the concentration is intense and the moves are few but intentional and deliberate. Whatever happens, your king must be kept safe from the opponent. Life can be likened to chess, your attention is your most treasured weapon. Let nothing but your target get your precious attention. Remember also, that energy flows where attention goes. Your attention is meant for making milestones and hitting a bull’s-eye. Be sure to have your focus stayed on your target at all times.

10. They make a mental note of every season in their lives
Game changers in someway, are historians. As part of their journey, they keep records, detailing every milestone that made a difference in their lives. They keep a notebook, a diary or a journal of some sort where they write down their big ideas, as well as their hopes and their conquests through life. We are able to read about the beautiful story of Anne Frank today because of the journal she kept during the war. Write down your goals, note down your mistakes, blunders and your genius discoveries. You don’t have to be a writer to keep a journal, and journals aren’t solely for heartbreaks and vendettas either. They are a place for storing your thoughts, your memories, your growth as you evolve through time. See it as a means for storing up delightful and adventurous stories of your life for the days ahead, like a road map. As a matter of fact, the journal benefits you the writer more than anyone else, because it serves as a compass for you on the days you feel lost or after you’ve taken a blow in major crises. Our experiences and our victories become to us a light and a compass when sometimes we find ourselves in the great maze of uncertainties.

11. They travel light
I first learned what it meant to travel light from my dad, rest his soul. He always placed emphasis on taking only what was needed for a trip. Likewise, on the journey that is the most important to you — the journey of your life — traveling light is essentially key. You will need your compass; your intuition, you will need your dose of inspiration, self-motivation and self-confidence among others, you will need your attention, your morning ritual, your singing angels, some soul and of course your blue print; the big picture. Anything else aside from these will be extra luggage, like guilt, regret, hate, self-pity, greed, arrogance, fear of the unknown to mention a few. Take your essentials, everything else is pretty much immaterial. Keep all your concerns to the minimal, even in your physical environment, make conscious effort to take out what’s in the way of your progress and your intentions. Too many junk at home have been proven to mentally clutter our minds with unwanted baggage. Free your living spaces and free your thought processes then welcome new horizons. There is too much good ahead to risk staying stuck in a hodgepodge of antiques.

12. They are night owls
I once read a romantic line that said, “Love, like a good cup of coffee, keeps you awake all night.” True that. If you have ever been in love, you will agree. Falling in love can be so consuming and enthralling, you lose count of time, musing, reminiscing, fantasizing, and desiring oneness. You are carried away writing poems and love letters or snuggled up in bed with your phone to your ears. It is the same with having dreams, a big idea or a goal. It feels like being high on something and you cannot sleep at night until you can place your actions on the same page with your blueprint. Until you can efficiently communicate your message to your audience. Until you have gotten it right for one day. Until you are fully satisfied, however vaguely, that you’ve had a connection with your one true love. You remain wide eyed long after everyone goes to bed and you are up first, long before the break of day. That’s the power of love. It goes to say, that one must fall in love with their dream. Sweet love that intoxicates the mind and drives the soul beyond the lengths until your image transmutes from a mere thought into tangible substance.

O_Magazine_cover

 

Stop worrying about how it all adds up, keep moving ahead

Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not.  It just takes some time to connect all the dots – Marc & Angel

The only single thing required of you to do for the rest of your life is to remain in pursuit of what makes you happy. Keep your eye on that ball. Never let it go. Hold that image. Everything else will fall in place. All kinds of hazards and problems begin to happen when you begin to take things too seriously and try to understand everything that happens to you and why they are happening. Instead of burning so much energy trying to understand what life is about, what you did wrong to get punished this way, or where you missed a step to have fallen this far and hard to the ground, rather take the time to look around and see how you can get yourself back on track.

You’ve heard the saying, you cannot cheat nature. That statement is so, so, true. Its like cheating to loose weight. You follow the rules according to the books, you diet and exercise and all, and in a few months, you are back and bigger than you once were. What happened? The answer  is simple, you cannot cheat nature. You cannot deal with the outside without dealing first with the inside. You cannot want your body to look good when you haven’t first decided to love your body enough to keep away from junk, late eating, and over eating. The weight loss has got to begin inside first, with you disciplining yourself and controlling your eating. The exercise and diet routine are only extra support to help you reach your goal faster.

It is the same thing with life, we want to get to the top but we don’t want to follow the stair way, we like the elevator, one way ticket, the freeway, no turns, no sharp bends, no snaky roads, no speed bumps. Only speed. Growth like that is premature, what you end up having are weak muscles born out of an inexperienced mind. And since the higher you go, the greater the challenges you face, your inexperience will cause you a premature collapse from your high horses. When you think you can get by with unresolved issues in your car trunk, one day the corpses will bellow so hard, you will be forced to stop and deal with it.

Just as you can’t cheat nature, you cannot cheat the laws of the universe. Whatever goes up must come down. What goes around, comes around. What you put in, is what you get out. What you sow is what you reap. You don’t want to get to your summit with too much baggage. Chances are you may never arrive in the first place, bearing that much load, you tend to crumble beneath the weight. You want to be light as a feather and solid as a rock. You want to be light enough to surmount your obstacles and solid enough to withstand the deadliest storms.

Sometimes life will draw you back a step or two, or a mile or two in the opposite direction, and you will want to fight it, don’t. Let it play out. It is only in hindsight that you will be able to connect the dots. Sometimes in life, the winds will throw you so far from what looked like your horizon, don’t go and smack your head against the wall, look around, there is a very good reason why you are here at this particular point in time. Sometimes in life the waves will rise so high and thunderously above you, and in spite of your reciting the master’s ‘peace be still’ and mustering all the faith that you got, you still would witness with your very eyes, how the waves eventually crash your titanic and send you struggling  for dear life out in the Atlantic, in the middle of nowhere.

Don’t curse God then, and wait for death. Keep believing. If you couldn’t calm the storm, perhaps you cloud try walking on water. And if that doesn’t work out either, be rest assured something will. There is a reason for every season and most of the time, all through history, heroes have only been able to make sense of their dilemmas and tragedies only after they persevered and overcame. Only after they let go and moved on. Only after they went on ahead, where they able to see from hindsight that it all worked out for good in the end. Stop worrying about how it all adds up, keep going on ahead. It all works out in the end.

 

Woman