self-confidence

3 important questions that sum up your entire existence

Did I love? Did I live? Did I matter? – Brendon Burchard

Did I love?

True love that is genuine and whole, is love that is first, love of self before it can be shared with another. Love that is truly pure, giving, and selfless must first love the being that embodies it. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot truly love another. In the bible, it says, Love your neighbor as your self. You can only know how to love another when you have immersed yourself in self-love. Did I love myself for myself? Did I love myself for who I am and what I am? Did I love my self with all its imperfections and inconsistencies? Did I love myself and believe in what I could become? Did I love?

Let’s continue doing good things for ourselves and each other, and dance to the wonderful tune of life

The answers you find, will tell you what to expect when you take the question to the next level. Did I love the people I came across during my life’s walk? Did I encourage or demoralize? Did I embrace or push away? Did I give or did I selfishly drain? Did I love or did I judge? Did I love or did I hurt? It goes to say, if you loved and accepted yourself, you will love and accept others. However, if you are in conflict with yourself most of the time, you will inevitably be in conflict with others. If you are a loving, centered, happy person, you will only give to others what you have not what you don’t have.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate – Oprah Winfrey

When answering this very personal, and intimate question, remember to shine the flashlight on yourself first. Have you connected with your inner self enough to love who you are for yourself? Be kind with yourself, rather than being brash and mean, be gracious. There is no condemnation, discover your truth and make amends, after all it isn’t the end of your life yet. There is plenty of time to make amends. Begin now.

 

Did I live?

Create your own life story and make it a real epic adventure

I am an advocate for living life to the fullest. My friends know me well for taking risks and preaching the gospel of ‘risk taking’. Some say I am a free spirit, no actually the statement in question actually went thus “You are too much of a free spirit.” I still laugh at the memory of that conversation because I know a large part of it is true.

I just cannot stand for a moment anything that looks like or threatens to take away my freedom. Why should I be a caged bird when I can have the sky? Why should I be content with being someone’s pet — a gold fish in a fishbowl — when I can be my own boss in the deep blue sea? It is a risk I am willing to take, to be thrown into the deep blue and discover new territories of dominion. It’s been scientifically proven that a gold fish will grow more than twice its size when it is made to live in a swimming pool. Imagine what it could become if it were thrown into the ocean. I am all for taking risks and stretching beyond our comfort zones.

Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Dream big and live life outside the glamorous, comfort of being a show piece in a fish bowl. Take your risks, write your our stories and be brave to tell them. And when you do, watch how it moves the hearts of men. Did I live? Did I give my best? Did I try all I could? Did I seize my opportunities? Did I play my cards or did I shy away in denial? Did I live or did I settle for less? Did I live or did I succumb to fear? Did I live or did I remain a coward? Did I live or did I fade into mediocrity? Did I live or did I give up my rights to be heard?

Life was meant to be lived and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn their back on life. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Again be kind to yourself, and be true as being true can get. Find what gives you the most fulfillment, pursue it because you love it, and in doing so you will achieve it. And whatever that means to you, make it your mantra to seek out what you love, and follow it till the end. Dare to go on your own adventure of self-discovery.

It could be taking photographs, and freezing moments of special memories for people and their loved ones, that may be the very thing that gives you zing. Or teaching in a local school and providing free education for poor children in a distant village. If that is what makes your heart beat faster, by all means be that person. Live!

To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable. – Erich Fromm

Did I matter?

Life is service to humanity. Therefore finding the balance between self-gratification and that service is the place where your life begins to matter. Did I matter or did I simply sail by? Did I matter or did I fade into the background? Did I matter or was I only a spot on the huge canvass of life?

If you can not feed a million people, then feed just one. – Mother Teresa

There is wisdom in beginning right where you are while you keep your eyes on your big picture. Start with a loved one, a friend needing assistance, begin to spread your magic with your little circle of influence and witness the effect of your small touch spread into large waves of transformation. You can enlarge your circle of influence with just one meaningful action of purpose like the drop of a single stone in still water, the rippling effect will always spread beyond your physical effort.

However, if you get carried away chasing your dreams and riding your white horse to utopia, busying yourself with checking off your adventure list, harvesting and gathering, filling your truck with stuff and more stuff, and proudly waving the flag of having worked hard to deserve all your plunder; you adorn yourself with medals and with pride gaze upon your trophies and rewards, remember this,

Remember happiness is a way of travel, not a destination. – Roy Goodman

Remember that true happiness is not in what we acquire but in what we relinquish for the happiness of others. It lies in the reason why you have been beautifully endowed with so many talents, and ideas and genius. It is so you can fill empty cups, seal up leaking roofs, provide lamps for those in the dark, some gratification for people who follow you, a bit of hope to those who look up to you, and providing fishing nets to as many as you can teach to fish.

It is so that you can matter. Isn’t that the reason why we work so hard, so that our lives can have some sort of meaning, so that we can feel some essence bubble up our souls and flow through us to as many as possible, quenching their thirsts and satisfying their patched lips? Isn’t that why we spend so much time putting in the work and staying up at night?

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. – Mother Teresa

In the long run, never hold back, never pull back, always be doing and always be giving, never feel you are not doing enough, always try to do your best. Remember the law of giving; give and expect nothing in return, give your best, give your all and your reward will come from places you least expect.

Did I love? Did I live? Did I matter? – Brendon Burchard

Angel's friend

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING?

“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!” ― Robert T. Kiyosaki

There are two groups of people in the world. We encounter them daily. Our concern however is not so much about who these people are than it is about which of the groups we belong in. The first group are those who supposedly boast about everything they are going to become in life, what they would achieve, and how they would turn out better than the expectations of people around them. People who supposedly do not wish them well in life.

While the other group of people are those who somewhat say the very same things but in fewer words and with different inferences and attitude. They are not outrightly gunning to shun anyone so to speak but are rather gunning to create something for themselves in the world. So here are two seemingly similar notions both seeking success but only one group actually makes it in life and you guessed right, the latter are those who actually become what they say they would become.

Why is that so? Weren’t both groups vocal enough about what they wanted? Isn’t that part of the rules of success, to always say what you want? Well, yes and no. I’ll get to the point in a minute. It is not so much what you talk about becoming but what you think of yourself every second of every day. What you are saying to yourself through what you are thinking. Thoughts seldom proceed from the words we say, it is our words that proceed from what we think.

The world we have created is a product of our thinking;
it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. – Albert Einstein

So you have this big dream and you wonder why you are still marking time after what seems like donkey years and you’re wondering why it seems some of your friends have checked off their dream list in the blink of an eye. As you go through your routine, you are wondering and thinking, “What is wrong, with me? Why do I always lag behind? Why do I always do the wrong things and choose the wrong career? Why aren’t I as lucky with jobs? Why does everything fall apart right in the middle of beginning? Why aren’t I as good at anything?”

You are genuinely worried about your life, which is good, but what you fail to realize is that you have said the very somethings to yourself for as long as forever. You may not realize it but you have always ‘thought’ yourself to be not-good-enough, not lucky with jobs, always giving up half way because something always goes wrong.

That has been your self-talk, your thoughts about your potential and that is why they do not correlate with your supposed affirmations. So that even though you have been going on and on about how you are going to conquer the world, deep down you believe that the best you can actually do is conquer your run down kitchen. No matter how optimistic you may sound on the outside, if you do not think optimistically about you in your mind, there is very little positivity you can experience in your life.

No matter where you go or what you do,

you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~Terry Josephson

Imagine you are out with friends, old schoolmates, or say you are at an alumni dinner of some sort, and everyone is seated around the dinner table catching up on good times had at the university. Remember also, that there are two groups of people  present at this dinner.

Drumroll, conversations kickoff and everyone is chatting away about their lives. Someone makes a gesture about how her homegrown business, a crèche, is going to go global in a few years. As a matter of fact she has just acquired a piece of property which is currently being renovated and once that is done, she plans to move the business from her home into this haven and thereafter triple her revenue by becoming the prime creche in that neighborhood.

Guess what you say to your self, “How laudable. Triple her revenue. Go global. Why can’t people be realistic for heavens sakes. Why do they have to shoot themselves in the leg in the name of being ambitious. I can’t imagine running a business from home and then say in public that I am going global after only 1 year!” Well, guess what, there is no way you would go global even if you had the chance to build the same business for two years from your own living room! You have just shot yourself in the leg! We become what we believe.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes,
rather than with their minds. ~Will Durant

The evening gradually comes to a close and everyone is made to talk about what their next steps are and where they hope to be when they gathered again in another 12 months. It got to your turn, and with your best smile you talk about this fantastic job you have and all, and how you hope you to begin a small business on the side soon. You go on to reiterate how you are not a believer of closing shop at the office to begin a business, so you’re going to do both side by side.

Everyone applauds you and someone chips in and suggests you consider taking a small loan and offers you a promising package at his bank. “Once you are ready to begin and you think you will like a loan, I’m sure you’ll find something that works for you from all our great offers…” You go, “Oh wow, great idea, ain’t I lucky to be here. Please give me your number…” He reaches for his pocket and pulls out his card, and as you tucked it into your purse, you say to your self “Loan in indeed. What if the business fails, who is going to pay back the loan when that happens…*sigh*”

Brian Tracy says, “You do not get what you say, you get what you expect”. Yet, every time you wonder why your dreams are epileptic. Have you tried asking yourself, “Why do I keep whispering these silly things to myself?” Meanwhile, at every chance you have been given, you have consistently drawn conclusions of failure in your head. You do not realize that it isn’t just about what you say you would do, or what you say you would become, it is about what you believe of your abilities and potentials. It is about what you are thinking, while you’re saying it and after you say it, that is what drives your life. You become what you think about.

You and I are not what we eat; we are what we think. ~Walter Anderson

You think you are not good enough. Each time your girlfriends come around with a new idea, you go, “Hmmm, so you mean this thing can work… Hmmm, seriously I don’t know…I’m not sure it’s for me…” “I’m are not the ambitious type,” that is what you say to console yourself each time you are offered a more lucrative and rewarding job.

You think you can never be better than average. So every time an opportunity comes for another promotion at the office, you join the office gossips to guess who it would be, you never try to ask yourself “Why not me?” You align yourself among the poor majority because every time you se something you would love to have, you are like “These rich people and their fancy toys, or you rich people and your lush lives”. So automatically, you have given yourself a position at the bottom of the ladder.

Never climbing or trying to climb, but always nagging everyone who comes around and dares to rise up the first few rungs. You warn them of the flight up the ladder, how they will suddenly lose their minds from trying, like you’ve given it a try yourself. Nothing is good enough for you. There has to be some danger and some misfortune. No one says life is free of hazards but should we all be locked in for the best parts of our lives because there is a storm out there?

Be less afraid to think the best thoughts about yourself. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything lovely and beautiful to gain. Like a blooming garden, plant one good thought after another in your mind about yourself and what you can become and watch with delight how your life unfolds. Like the flowers in spring.

I like to think of thoughts as living blossoms borne by the human tree. ~James Douglas

cherry-blossoms

12 Quotes that tell you, you are not the first to travel this path

– Be Strong, Be brave, Always believe you can be better –


Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection,

to balance out how much of ourselves we give away – Barbara de Angelis

Always take time out to reflect on your life so you can refuel, receive from yourself and be positively charged to forge ahead. Most women are consumed by responsibilities and expectations, they forget to give to themselves, receive from themselves and love themselves back.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Gloria Steinem

This is usually the case when a woman finds that the man she is with is not the man she wanted to marry. It takes great faith and wisdom to take a step back and let the man become who you wanted him to be by letting him take up his responsibilities as the man whether or not he is empowered to. Men are wired to grow into manhood through tough and trying situations that prove impossible.

People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment].

Actually a job is better for me. Princess Diana

These are the thoughts of the career driven woman, the woman seeking adventure in the board room, the woman seeking first to build an empire where is queen. The woman who is mostly satisfied by what she does with her hands than by what a man’s hands can do to her senses. If this is you, these desires do not make you less a woman, you have only, to put it mildly, delayed gratification. Many would not agree with your choices, but thats okay, people will always have a different opinion. Only be true to your authentic self and always trust your intuition. They are your trusted guidance.

“If you meet a woman of whatever complexion who sails her life with strength and grace and assurance, talk to her! And what you will find is that there has been a suffering, that at some time she has left herself for hanging dead.”

― Sena Jeter Naslund

Just like men, women too are wired to learn wisdom and patience through hardship, heartbreak and disappointments. There’s hardly a woman without a past, and as much as we do not allow the past take preeminence in our lives, we live to learn from it. Our scars are our medals of conquest, of having fought a good fight.

“I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I’m a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.” ― Paulo Coelho

Our greatest strengths lie in accepting our weaknesses, conquering our fears and pursuing our dreams. Our struggles are proof that we are human and the strength to take one victorious step after another after every moment of weakness is proof that we indeed have within our selves the power to live as champions at every one point in time of our lives. If you battle, then be rest assured that within you lies the power to overcome. If you don’t overcome however, it is not because you couldn’t, rather you didn’t because you’d rather not. Nothing is beyond us. We are powerful beyond measure.

“She wore her sexuality with an older woman’s ease, and not like an awkward purse,never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down.”― Zadie Smith

I find this quote quite interesting because I see it every time in fashion magazines, in fashion police and the ‘dos and don’ts’ corner of lifestyle magazines. You see two women flaunting the same dress, one looks gorgeous, like a greek goddess, and the other looks like, well, to put it mildly, the dress was forced on her and she was pushed onto the red carpet right in front of the camera. Awkward to say the least, never knowing how to work the dress, or where to hang the purse. It all boils down to self-esteem. It is not our physical beauty that attracts others to us, is our inner beauty and the way we carry ourselves that is the magnet that pulls others to us. And we all have had our share of that silly, awkward moment.

“Nobody around here had ever seen a lady beekeeper till her. She liked to tell everybody that women made the best beekeepers, ’cause they have a special ability built into them to love creatures that sting. It comes from years of loving children and husbands.” ― Sue Monk Kidd

I’ll like to think that this quote also explains, in a way, why it seems  women struggle to disengage from  abuse relationships. It is probably because we believe we have been wired to love the pain, the weapon and the abuser above all else. We simply believe it is the way things should be. The man should cheat and it’s okay, because we cant do anything about it, because it is what men do — they cheat. We feel we must swallow the bitter pill, because it is what women do, we submit and in submission we submit to the lashing by the tongue and the whip. Yes, we are strong, but our strength is meant to build up and not tear down and worse of all, our strength is not meant for tearing down our morale and our self-esteem and self-worth. We must be brave and never be afraid to walk away from any relationship that reduces us from woman to beast.

“Never rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn’t see your worth at the moment you met then he won’t two years later. May the halls of Pemberly be filled with his regrets and your life filled with thankfulness because of this revelation” ― Shannon L. Alder

Many times, a girl will find herself in a situation where she is trying desperately to get the attention of a young man she is attracted to or in love with so to speak. And time and again I’ve witnessed in many occasions the extended persistence of feminine determination, and the disparaging, demeaning responses of the men in question. And for some absurd reason beyond comprehension, she just refuses to accept the bitter truth, that this dude does not see her at all and will not in two years if she kept up with all her gimmicks and parades. Another unsolved mystery when it comes to love and affection. It takes a wise understanding heart to walk away from the one who tolerates you so you can be found by the one who appreciates you.

“What is it about having a period that makes women so bitchy?”… It was an effort, but I said as sweetly as possible, “It isn’t that we’re bitchier, it’s that having a period makes us feel all tired and achy, so we have less tolerance for all the b***s*** we normally SUFFER IN SILENCE.” By the time the sentence ended the sweetness was long gone, my jaw was clenched, and I think my eyes were bugging out. Wyatt took a step back, belatedly looking alarmed.” ― Linda Howard

I believe this quote is quite self explanatory. On a good day, the woman may not mind being the punching bag but when she is having her period, she may not be just as patient. I also will like to believe that a man who truly cares  and knows his woman will know where to draw the line and be less of a nuisance whenever it is that time of the month.

“No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother.” ― Margaret Sanger

Life is about making choices and letting those choices mold us afterwards. So choose wisely, be the hero not the victim. Trouble is, most times we are on default mode, autopilot, we just do because it is the tradition, it is the way things are, it is what people do at certain junctions of life. They get a job, they get married, they have kids, then they…well that is what life is all about family and everyone should make one. Fair explanation if you ask me, but how many women are having babies beyond their wishes at a time when they would have worked and built their careers or education for just a little stretch longer before welcoming the lovely bundles of joy? They suffer silently because somehow, babies shouldn’t be contested or planned, at least not when you are married, they should just happen because it is the way the world goes. People marry and then they have babies. To consciously choose whether you will or will not be a mother, permanently or temporarily is as big as choices go and it isn’t something you suddenly make up your mind about after you have sworn for better or worse. It takes two to tango. If you are going to  live your life a certain way, don’t put the cart before the horse, don’t wait till you are married before you pull out your workbook for happiness. Happiness is something you work at everyday. So be wise, work at being happy now not after you walk down the aisle.

“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear!’, what she really means is, ‘There’s nothing here for who I’m supposed to be today.” ― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

As sweet as this statement may sound, it shows that slight lingering inside of us that keeps us looking outside of ourselves to find happiness and contentment. Everything we need, to be who we desire to be, is within us and until we are firmly aligned with our beliefs, our thoughts and our actions, we will always seek for something outside of ourselves to give us the completeness we desire. I have nothing to wear, is a popular complaint of the woman who is not happy with the way her life has turned out and is seeking to make up for it with what mundane things rather than finding inner peace and contentment.

“One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” ― Jeanne d’Arc

Seek to live your life to the fullest, stop settling for less than you are worth, stop devaluing your potentials and your capabilities. Cease life at every moment and give every challenge your best shot. Be fearless and always throw your best punch, stretch your muscles and grow an inch taller with every feat you overcome. Believe in yourself, believe in what you can become and stay in pursuit of that dream. This life is for those who will live enthusiastically and excitedly, with hope and with determination. Decide today that you are one of such people.


 

Full life

 

I will love deeply, I will live bravely, I will matter greatly.

Now I understand why I have been through all that I have been through. Today I thank my past for lessons learned and I appreciate my quest to know, to understand, and to challenge what could be. I realize that my answers have  surfed easily through the most turbulent channels and in the end, I have found myself at the center of myself.

I regard with high esteem my abilities to take risk, to slow down, to pause, so my inner self can catch up with the ‘vivacious and spirited me’. We will now go on long walks by the riverside — we will go where we can run wild, scream, skip and dance with abandon. We will rediscover what we love, what our true desires are and we will rework the checklist.

We will grub up treasured little dainties long forgotten. We will rediscover our core and what makes us happy. We will prioritize, for we must align – spirit, soul, body, we must become one again.

We will henceforth take this journey together, in alignment and in concession. And in doing so I find myself again, whole, not fragmented, at peace, not at war, fine-tuned not confused. I am in harmony and conformity with my inner self. I am complete in thought and in form.

Henceforth, I’ll allow my heart a level of fragility, to allow love, love that can be hurt but not crushed, love that can give but not sucked dry, love that can receive but not drained. Love that will bear all but not trampled upon, love that would go the extra mile but not become the fool. Love that forgives the past, embraces the present and believes in the future. Love that is true today and for a lifetime.

I will allow my heart the liberty to dream, to dare,  to pursue and to aspire. I will stay awake to experience my own pilgrimage, witness my battles, celebrate my victories. After all said and done, I will like to be remembered for living a life that ventured fearlessly even though I was sometimes afraid, a life that conquered in the end after much defeat, a life that braces itself with strength to persist, in spite of the roadblocks it encountered.

I will allow my heart opportunities to matter in this life and hereafter, regardless of how many times it’s been rejected, shut out, ignored. I will try yet again, over and over, till I scale the high walls of resistance towering between me and my grande stage. I will put on my best regalia, and sing with the loudest pitch I can find, until my boisterous performance shatters through my barriers. I will declare my message with pride. I will continue thus until the heavens sway and the angels sing along.

I will love deeply, I will live bravely, I will matter greatly.

Free

Strut Like A Peacock

Okay I actually mean that in a good way. I’m not saying be ostentatious, rather be self-assuring and assertive. Strut your turf. That’s what girls do; we swagger, we sashay.

 

Whereas the average individuals often have not the slightest idea, what they are, what they want or their own opinions, self-actualizing individuals have superior awareness of their own impulses, desires, opinions, and subjective reactions. — Abraham Maslow

 

So what is it you really, truly want? Are your core activities in alignment with your deepest desires? Do you know why you indulge those routines day in day out? Can you truly describe the life you would rather have? If you did, would it in anyway look like the one you’re now stuck with or forced to tolerate?

 

You’ve got to have your antennas straightened and sharpened with heightened frequencies of your identity and capabilities as the girl of the moment. You cannot afford to slack. Slackers are average. And we already agreed that average isn’t an option. You can be your best self but first you must discover who she is, what she wants and where she wants to be. Then you must be her ambassador, be her forerunner. Be the go-between. Be the intermediary between your amazing self and the world at large. Be bold. Be proud. Be assertive. Strut your stuff. Walk the room, be a shinning vision of light. Allow the world the privilege and honor of enjoying your essence as you walk these paths. Overcome the temptation to cower behind the crowd and join the flock to no-man’s-land. Stop waiting for an invitation to do the very thing that only you could possibly contribute to humanity.

 

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. — Tao Tzu

 

We mostly take pride in predicting the world and the people around us. We like to lead conversations about tough subjects and political crises. We enjoy showing off our knowledge about mundane issues and everything else around us but once the spotlight swings our way for us to say something about ourselves, our wishes and our dreams, rather than seizing the moment to shine, we freak out and dampen it with excuses and denial. Instead of swanking, you duck. Instead of being the star of the Opera, you recline into the back seats of the theatre. Instead of brightening up the moment with the story of your milestones, you submerge it in gloom and toss the golden opportunity to another. You pass on the lamp, the genie and your three wishes. You slam the door shut on your benefactor. You are quick to embrace insignificance. You grasp tightly the delusion that says, you must never let your voice be heard, never let yourself be noticed, never embrace the spotlight when it’s your turn. You must hide, because you don’t belong in that circle. You don’t belong in that circle where you too can raise your head, smile and glide, and boldly claim your spot in the world. You cower. You recoil. You fade into the backdrop.

 

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.” ~Confucius

 

What then can one do to live dynamically and not monotonously? How will a girl find her way out of the maze or make sense of the mess she’s in. How can she possibly be aglow, it’s a dark cloud all around her. She can begin by first choosing to be happy no matter what. She can choose to laugh at her mistakes and pick herself up again. She can choose to realize that who she is, is the doorway to wonders never before known, never before heard and never before seen. She can choose to love herself. Celebrate her victories. Sing her praises. Let her hair down. Dance for joy. Laugh with abandon. She can choose to love herself. Love conquers all.

 

Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself & be good to yourself because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things. – A wise one

Strut your stuff...

Strut your stuff…