self-awareness

Where does this road lead?

I race the great expanse
A great stallion, graceful yet strong and dauntless
I can hear my heartbeat, my muscles crunching
As my hooves pound the raw earth seeking an invasion
Thirsty for blood
As I encounter the great sea
I fall to the ground writhing in great agony, my body mangles,
As my hairy skin morphs into a streamlined hairless form
And a horizon tail fin replaces my long hairy tail
I dive for the rising tides and the gulls and cormorants flee for dear life
I arrive the great mountains
And a great wave throws me on shore
I stand on two feet, a man, sturdy and muscular
I can feel the crystal pellets caressing my bulging veins
Curling my fingers into a tight fist, I race for the summit, a fastball
And in one instant, a panda, clawing the ascent, growling my triumph
The snowy peak rose against the blue of the cloudless sky
I can hear my growling echo in the distance
My heart swells within me, craving the endless expanse gaping above me
I am throw again into a tussle, and my distress is heard a thousand miles away
Humongous wings shoot out from my sides, ripping the flesh apart
A great cry splits my throat apart and an aquiline beak spirals out
As a flap my new wings the masses of shredded meat fall off unto rocky surface
With on great flap, I shoot for the blue yonder
I ascend the heavens, a great eagle
I spread my wings, I drink in the crispy sweetness
My search continues
And even though I am several light years away from earth
I think to myself, this is only the beginning

THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

breakups

Recommitting to My Intentions

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.”
― G.K. Chesterton


I recently began a new venture that takes up all my morning. It began this month in August and my schedule had to undergo some minor adjustment. As a result I have been more occupied than I’d been in the past couple of months since June to be precise. I have also undergone a small inhibition that hasn’t enabled me to post on my blog as often as I would have loved to and in addition to that, my August morning engagements have eaten up a large chunk of my writing hours. I tend to be swamped with extra commitments, plus the other things I have to do daily, as a result I find that I have little time to write.

In the midst of all these, I would come to a new awareness. I realize how my writing invigorates me. I am amused by how much energy I draw from writing my inspirational pieces and having gone days without writing, I am now patched and dry and drained. I feel like I haven’t had my dose of high for a long, long time and that is true! I also realize that just maybe, my readers may feel the same way too; feeling patched and dry and missing their dose of inspiration.

So today I’m recommitting to my intentions, to being a muse of inspiration to thousands and thousands and hopefully millions of girls, and women across the world, and to the men who love them. I hope to make this recommitment daily, not only for them but more so for myself. I find that in creating hope, insight and revelation for others, I create the same in myself. Therefore in my giving is my receiving. In my sacrifice, is my reward. In my work, is my compensation. In my labor is immense pleasure.

This discovery and rediscovery will be the turning point of my success; it is the stirring of my essence, the revivification of my writer’s block and the creation of my brainwaves. Consistence holds the key to abundance and wealth. Persistence is the test of time as well as the test of our faith in what we believe. And together, persistence and consistence will implode into milky ways and fireworks.

In this light, I will like to encourage you stay the course, run the mile, hold your image. And if you are yet to discover what your mojo is muchless love it, then ask yourself these questions – What is that thing that I miss so much it makes my heart ache? What do I love so much it makes my pulse race with happy satisfaction? What infuses me with so much energy I feel I can move mountains?

I hope you find what you love. I hope that you love it enough to recommit to it everyday of every month of every year. Selah.


“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

Recommit

7 Reasons Why Work Is A Girl’s Most Important Companion Not The Man

People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me. ― Princess Diana


I have a bone of contention. It is about young promising intelligent girls being eager for marriage before they even get a hang of what they are about. I think it is a big, big problem, and the consequences of this putting-the-cart-before-the-horse disease are enormous as they are poisonous and deadly.

I hear about many young women, who were once lovely innocent brides become devious wives because of this short-sightedness and miscalculation of purpose. I see others who have found themselves in marriages that became mirages overnight. I’ve seen young independent city-girls become frail, lost and confused wives.

Although a good number of marriages today have their roots solid in mutual understanding and reciprocal affirmations, there are a silent majority, in which the woman is on the receiving end of this misfortune. Where she is either deprived of work entirely, or is deprived of work that aligns with her purpose.

Below are 7 solid reasons why I believe that the first most important discovery the twenty-first century girl will ever make in her life is work and not a man.

1.    First and foremost never in human history has idleness ever being a good omen: I’ve heard of cases where a father protests the marriage of his young daughter soon after university because he feels she should enjoy her liberty a little longer in form of work or traveling before resigning herself completely to the duties of marriage. I think there is some sense in that. I know also that there are a few exceptions to the rule, but then again, this post isn’t for the exception. This post is for the girl who believes that when it comes to marriage, one can simply wing it, and that life goes on as normal, fair weather and all. And somehow expects that the man will give her what she wants. Well, that isn’t entirely true. If you are going to be happy in marriage, you will first have to be happy with work. Work gives you a sense of responsibility, improves your thinking faculties and above all keeps you busy. You are often likely to be found by your ideal man when you are busy than when you are idle. When you’re busy you have the liberty to choose and be certain of your choice because you’re not pressured. When you’re idle, you’re constantly pressured by wants and needs and your thoughts are usually one of escape other than a wise, well thought-out decision for the next level.

2.    Work that you love doing is one door away from work you were created to do: We were each created for a purpose and the earlier you discover what yours is the better and brighter your future — whether single or married. It is only when you realize that you are here for a reason that you begin to appreciate your life better. When you discover something you love, you soon begin to discover the greater potential that lies within your work and within yourself. You begin to see possibilities and life is a lot more exciting as you begin pursuing these possibilities. When you become appreciative of the life you have, you will seldom make silly mistakes like condescending to a relationship that doesn’t compliment you. The most exciting and successful relationships are usually founded on platforms of similarities where both partners enormously compliment each other mainly because they serve in the same field. Life is usually easier and sweeter when you discover a spouse in the line of duty so to speak. Allow yourself the liberty of discovering yourself first before you allow another human being into the equation. If you don not have a clue of what you are about why expect that your significant other would?

3.    When you begin to solve problems through your work, you increase your level of awareness, your worth and your relevance: Imagine that you begin to do very serious work as a youth, like running an NGO for instance. Such selfless work has tremendous spiral effect on your self-development as a person. I know a former schoolmate of mine who over 14 years ago, in her early 20s, began a health based NGO after her youth service. Today that NGO is recognized by respectable bodies such as the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and has been a succor to several communities in Northern Nigeria. She is also happily married with kids and she’s still a part and parcel of the beautiful work she founded. You can have it both ways and be happy. Well, some people will say my friend is the exception; well in this case you can aim to be that exception, you can have it both ways; you can begin a booming career, get married and continue your booming career. Yes, it is possible. I really do not see the sense in throwing away passion, and the pursuit of purpose in the name of marriage. It has caused more hearts to break than it has mended or molded any. Our life essence flows from our ability to become channels of this essence and your work, your mission in life, is one of such channels. Wake up and live! The only reason why anyone would continue to nurture a dream even after they are married is because they believe that their lives is worth much more and that there is so much more to life than a mere status.

The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. Roseanne Barr

4.    When your life is stirred by purpose, you make better choices: From the moment you begin to appreciate life as a journey of purpose and a meaningful transition you will begin to make intelligent and wise decisions. You begin to think in terms of service, and on a longterm basis than on self-gratifying short-term pleasures. You will become wiser than your peers. Your heart is set on the future and the thought of marriage and starting a family begins to flow from a place of maturity other than a place of childlike fantasy. Your years of work and experience during or after school has helped to exercise your mental muscles and toughen your emotions so you do not have a fragile grip on reality.

5.    The contentment that comes from service that gives deep fulfillment also gives you self-confidence and self-assurance: Nothing entraps a girl more than being desperate to marry. Nine out of ten she ends up with the wrong guy. Anxiety is not the place to make any kind of decision, worse still marriage decisions. You need to be exceptionally or decidedly self-assured when you about to marry and begin a new life with your partner. Otherwise you will end up with a half-baked future and a routinely sad life. On the other hand, if you would rather not be desperate or insecure at the point when you make that life-time decision of choosing a partner, you must first find deep fulfillment in yourself. One way of achieving that is by finding contentment in your life through work and service that gives you deep fulfillment.

6.     Extremely positive and evolving work exposes you to learning and growth: The process of immersing one’s self in work is a transformational procession in its own. Work exposes you to new ideas, new possibilities and new challenges. These in turn cause you to explore your mind more by thinking a lot more and a lot deeper. You begin to discover possibilities about your capabilities that you never knew existed and this improves your self-esteem. A girl who is proud of herself is a girl who doesn’t need anybody’s approval to feel good about herself. And one way to begin to appreciate your amazing self is by standing up to solve more problems and being more relevant in your field of expertise. A simply vocation as being a school teacher who loves and understands children and is well versed in the subject she teaches her pupils can expose the young teacher to greater levels of growth within a year than she could ever have imagined. The key is to desire work that you love and to evolve with your work because work that is meaningful is never static, it is always in motion. The lessons you learn along the way, when you barely have responsibilities as choking as child rearing, will come handy when you finally decide to raise a family.

7.    Once you become self-assured and self-assertive of your purpose and invaluable potentials, you will inevitably attract suitors like yourself: There is a difference between being self-assured and self-assertiveness. The first is to be confident in your abilities or character, the latter is the confident and forceful expression of oneself, views and desires. When you become these two combined, you create around yourself a force field that attracts to you, your ideal man, who is equally confident in his skin and fearless about his confidence. It takes an insecure and fearful human being to impose upon another human being and constantly bully their right to live bravely. However, a person who is self-assured and self-assertive in his or her own skin will have no reason to want to control or put out the light of the other individual. That is the kind of man you deserve and to have such a man, you must become such a person. Like attract like.

There are probably a number of girls who do not consider work a serious piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives, you don’t have to agree with their school of thought. They probably think that purpose is secondary to finding the right suitor or getting settled, you don’t have to be one of them. You can be different. You can choose to see reason with the reasons listed above and become to take your life as a single girl a lot more serious. You can love work and do work you love because now you know it is only one door away from the life you were created to live.

Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men? Barbara Streisand

barbra-streisand

END THE BLAME GAME

Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
– Josiah Royce

The moment you begin to realize that truly, truly, only you are responsible for the decisions you take and the choices you make, you will cease to assign blames. You will experience many unpleasant circumstances in life, many people will take you for a ride, people you trust will let you down.

Question is who do you become in all of it? What kind of thoughts do you allow in those dreary seasons of your life? What do you begin to secretly call yourself and the people who victimize you? What kind of picture do you begin to paint of the future?

What decisions do you take then and what would be the outcome of your choices? These are deep questions calling for deep thinking; speaking of which, thinking is a chore that only you can do for yourself.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. – Will Durant

You can reel out a long tape of how ‘A’ was a bitch and how ‘C’ got away with crap. You can write a notebook full of all your sore ordeals and sour deals and attribute an entire phase of your life to someone’s inconsistencies. The ball still will remain in your court, waiting for you to call the shot.

Its like falling in love; you meet someone, you like his persona, you find that he is smooth talking and easy going, he is intelligent and very responsible or whatever. You begin to grow fond of him, and in spite of what people say, you fall in love with him and you become his woman. Now whose fault is that?

Whose fault would it be if it doesn’t work out in the end or who would be responsible if it did work out? The dating site or the matchmaker? Yeah, they probably had a hand in it, but really whose decision was it to go along with it in the first place?

It is same thing with choosing your thoughts and deciding which thought would be the dominant one. Do you lean in to regret, hate yourself for being such a fool or do you decide that the situation doesn’t have to get worse than it already is?

Do you stir-up arguments and heat up the bitching to prove a point or do you choose to loose the debate in order to save what is most important to you. Do you choose defeat for friendship sake or do you choose victory and rip apart an alliance?

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. – John F. Kennedy

Your whole life is hinged upon the choices you make daily. It is your responsibility to make exactly the right choice for you. You can ask for opinions from others, seek their counsel and crave their indulgence or whatever. After all said and done, the onus is on you to choose exactly the path you will follow and the action you will take.

Just as much as loving and dying, thinking also must be done independently and solitary. It is like molding a piece of pottery, you have all the details in your head and ll the patterns that inspire the design. Yet it is your ability to take one thought at a time while you work on that clay and the wheel, that determines the final outcome.

Choose one thought at a time, take life one day at a time. Don’t be afraid to make those choices. Even when you go wrong, realize where you missed it and choose afresh. Keep trusting your intuition and your super-consciousness to help you with the correct choice every time. You will never learn how until you try.

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. – Lorraine Hansberry

girl-closed-eyes-1

BEAUTIFUL IMPERFECTION

Broken but together, cracked but not falling apart, bitter but sweet, shaken but at peace


I am broken inside
I have survived a great crash, yet again
I have been thrown hard against the tides
I have been struck by lighting
I have been smashed against the rocks
I have been swept ashore
I am many pieces, about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am fractured all over
I am scorched by sun, day in day out
I am frozen by night
I am constantly tauten in every instance
I am stretched thin
I am made to shrink, yet again
I am a victim of my aspirations
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am a vase of tulips and gall flies
I am the honeybee and the honey
I bear in my body bitter experiences, then again,
I bear in my mind sweet memories,
I am the lovely daisy,
I am alive by day and asleep at night
I am a product of two worlds
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

I live in the center of insanity
I am swung north and then south
I travel through a rickety terrain
I bob along with the rapid bumps and jolts
I navigate chaotic cities and its mindless citizens in my stride
I harvest a speck of sense from their mindless babble
I am shaken about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

imperfectns

THIS IS YOUR LIFE SO DEAL WITH IT

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”  ~Confucius


You probably already know that this statement is true, that change is indisputably necessary for your growth. You may also have accepted it to be invariably correct. The only obvious reason why you may be part of the majority who seldom experience this change would be because change itself rarely comes wrapped in silk and satin.

That the preceding statement is truer is possibly the reason change is so often a discomforting and distressing process. Our default reaction to change is usually denial and resistance. The familiar is usually a safer place to be. We are often thrown into disquieting and sometimes traumatic circumstances by life itself.

The purpose is to cause us to shift in our thinking by constantly making us vulnerable because it is only in vulnerability that we are pliable and able to learn; take a new form of being and adapt a new form of thinking. It a process quite similar to smelting iron, it is only in extremely heated conditions that iron can be fabricated into a new shape and form.

And as humans we are frequently set in our ways, easily adaptable to conditions and easily comfortable. Life never proposes change to you upfront, it knows you will fight it and by all means find ways to avoid it. Hence why the presentation comes through difficult circumstances and complications. The essence is to make you vulnerable, learn a new lesson, have a new perspective.

These altering processes are ongoing throughout our lives. We are subject to change whether we like it or not and it is expected that we become stronger, better, and bigger inside. And the degree of strength we muster is determined by the degree to which we allow the difficulty to make us malleable and pliable. In other to become strong, we must first become weak.

If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself, there you have remained.  
Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing.  
~Saint Augustine

It is true that life does have the power and authority to throw you into circumstances meant to change you but it can only go so far, the choice to change however must come from you. You are the person responsible for that part of the negotiation. It is left to you to become vulnerable or be resistant.

The difference between the one who becomes vulnerable towards change and the one who isn’t is this; one changes for good and the other gets worse. Its like the desert storm, the same storm that blinds the eye shapes rough stones into finer pebbles. Like the quarry, some rocks appear jagged and others even better refined. Like the refiners fire, from it materializes both pleasant and grotesque pieces.

The state of your mind is your most precious asset when it comes to confronting life’s most difficult circumstances. If you can protect your mind from being poisoned then you will be fine. If you can protect your mind from being injected with blame, and with regret and guilt, you will do well.

The trick is to believe that everything good that comes to us never always come as expected, sometimes it is a rose bush. One that requires your vigilance and a cautious tactic. You can decide to end up with a vase of roses or with several scars inflicted by the thorns.

It is a matter of perspective. What do you see, what do you expect? Our actions or reactions are predetermined by our perception about the circumstance at hand. Do we want more, do we hope to be better, do we believe that our lives can be  more sensible? Then change is inevitable. It must also be desired and expected. It is meant to be embraced not negated.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know it’s me.  
~Author Unknown

Wherever you find yourself in life, and whatever you become, never be misled to think that something strange is happening to you that you begin the grisly task of wanting to change things up and cheat the law of nature. Choose to be the butterfly, endure your process, knowing the end is a splash of colors and beauty. Difficult circumstances are perhaps the biggest puzzles in life and even though they always  seem to solve themselves in the end, they never truly make sense until you have crossed that bridge and then from hindsight begin to connect the dots.

So when things go wrong, instead of fighting the elements and inflicting more pain and sorrow on yourself, accept what is and keep walking, keep advancing, only don’t give in. It is not a time to blame or point fingers or be embittered. While in that maze, realize that in order to get out of it, you must be fully centered and focused on getting out first, then the rest will take care of it self.

You will be wise to come to the conclusion everything time you find yourself in a difficult situation that ‘you‘ are the center of attraction, you only, and not the other obnoxious individuals that have affected you negatively. You are the one in the mess and you are the one who needs to get out. It is also your responsibility to get yourself out not someone else’s. You are the subject and you are the object. You are the writer, and it is your decision to be either protagonist or villain. This your life so deal with it.

 

butterfly-girl

 

 

 

 

 

FAILURE IS A FRIEND

FAIL FIRST, FAIL FAST, FAIL OFTEN – Paul Martinelli


If you are going to make it big, then you must make room for failure or you will be miserable. Failure is inevitable and unless you create room in your heart to embrace your failures, you will become disgruntled, bitter and a quitter.

Why do we fail? Simple, it is because we do not know better. When we fail, what happens; we learn. However that isn’t always the case, because not many people realize they have learnt a new genius. They allow the downside of failure keep them down. They do not realize that there is the upside to failure; which is the lesson learnt.

Whatever you learn every time you fail is your lift to success. It is your ticket to greatness and your  key to success. This means  you must fail if you must do any better than you currently are. This may be hard for you especially if you are used to winning. If for instance, you are an athlete who is used to winning all the time, and suddenly you fail, it doesn’t mean karma has caught up with you, it only means you have reached your threshold and need to step up your game. You need to stretch. Become a bigger star. Get a new tune. Create a better groove.

We fear failure majorly because it shows us our limits and we hate it because we love our routine and detest change. Change is good but hardly comfortable. That is why we love our comfort zones. It is natural. We don’t like to go out in the rain or get scorched in the sun, but a little of both gives us the opportunity to appreciate the better part of life.

Failure helps you see your deficiency and then inspires you to improve. At least that is what it is meant to do. We only stay defeated because we choose to be defeated by failure. Failure is hardly defeat, only a hard blow. You can take that blow, recover, and move on. Or you can take that blow, be offended and remain bitter. The choice is yours. A good friend will always tell you the truth and that is what failure does for us — it shows to us our weakness and our shortcomings. Quit your hard luck stories and start doing something to change it. Get better.

If you are going to be great, you will have to go beyond good. If you are going to be awesome, you will have to go beyond fabulous. If you are going to do the supernatural, you will have to get past natural and become super. If you are going to do wonders, you will have to step up from being a local champion and become the 8th wonder of the world. If you would be anything worthwhile in life, you must as a matter of fact, fail first, fail fast and fail often.

 

Try the extraordinary

 

 

 

WAKE UP AND LIVE

It’s not about attaining your dream, it’s growing stronger through the challenges of attaining your dream and who you become through that journey

Have you ever wondered why it is often said that you are your greatest opposition and your greatest enemy? Why it is strongly believed that the most important battles in life are the battles of the mind? Why no matter what happens unless you believe in yourself very little can come out of your seemingly great efforts? Why you are constantly asked to dress the part. It is because, even though you embody this great dream or idea, you are more important than the dream or goal or idea, whatever it may be.

Often times we put too much emphasis on what we want to get, what we want to achieve and then we neglect what is most important which is, getting there. We neglect that bridge that connects us from ‘here’ to ‘there’. We forget that our ‘here’ is of as much significance as our ‘there.’  We are swayed by fantasies of the glittering ‘there’ and in an attempt to achieve this great dream, we submerge ourselves in activities rather than in growth.

Think about a child, lets say your little niece for instance, who loves to micmic roles of an actress. Every time she performs an act you laugh and pat her back, and try to encourage her fantasies by buying her things that would keep her flames alive. Still you know within yourself that it takes a grown woman to be an actress. And no matter how much she tries as a child actress, she would have to be a full grown woman, schooled thoroughly in theater, to truly become an actress.

It takes a certain kind of person to become a certain kind of person. And it takes a certain kind of person to attain a certain kind of lifestyle, or achieve a certain kind of goal. If your dream is to double your income, and earn say $5,000 as monthly income, the most important question to you, shouldn’t be about struggling for a promotion or a getting a better paying job, rather it should be thus; “Who do I need to become to earn $5000?” Other than focusing on your results, you focus on the process.

The purpose of your goal is the journey. The purpose of the pursuit is the process.

Whenever you set a new goal in life, you automatically raise the standards you operate by. With your new goal, you say to yourself, this is who I intend to become. You realize that in order to reach your goal, you must become a certain type of person. This means your goal is high up there and you are down below here and in order to reach it you must stretch. That stretch is your process, your journey; that is what is most important.

Not the $5000. Not the house by the beach. Not the fat bank account. Not fame or popularity. Instead what happens between ‘here’ and ‘there’ and who you become. That is where the transformation takes place. The exchange; that is where the price is paid. That is where you negotiate. Multi-billion dollar babies do not become billion dollar babies only because hay had a big break. They became billion dollar babies because they changed… from who they were to who they needed to be to become multi-million dollar babies.

Isn’t it obvious that the biggest reason why we never talk about what we want to become in life is become we fear being scorned and laughed at? And why are we scorned and laughed at? Why do these mediocre minds, so to speak, look you over and laugh their hardest when you tell them how you are going to build the most magnificent structure ever known to man? Simple, it is because you do not look like the sort of person who builds magnificent architectural work, even though you seem one of the best in your class.

And it isn’t so much about your appearance but your aura, your general comportment. They look at your entire make-up and they think to themselves, she must be dreaming. That is why you have to prove them wrong. And you can only do that by changing, growing, and becoming that outstanding architect. You focus more on becoming than on attaining. Allowing yourself to be totally consumed by the result of your goal can be gruesome and frustrating because you work your ass off and rake in very little rewards. Instead, you focus on becoming this awe-struck personality who achieves thus and thus a goal. That way you find that rather than fuss, you glide through your process.

We’ll never get it all done; we’ll never get it all “right”. It’s here for us to enjoy the process.

Having raised the standards in your life, you created the space you’ll need to stretch so you can reach your goal, as you stretch you change, don’t forget to enjoy the process. Don’t get too carried away working to be the part, that you forget to dress the part. That is the fun part, the dress rehearsal so to speak. When kids do make-believe, they do it with delight and with deep satisfaction. It is in that deep satisfaction that you stretch. That is where growth takes place. In the spaces where you enjoy with deep satisfaction, the little details that add up along the way.

Yes you may have to attend seminars or conferences where people who have achieved your desired milestone are found, attempt what they have done, and do what they did but far above it all is loving it while you do it. Live throughout the process don’t sleep through it and hope to suddenly wake up at the other side. You will be sorely surprised.

In this journey, you must stay awake, alive, animated. If you have to return to school, do it with fervor. If you must take a course or go on a trip to immense yourself in certain cultures or learn a new language, do it with enthusiasm and eager expectation. If you must change jobs, as you go through the process of sending out your resumes to different employers, let it be an adventure and not some boring obligation.

Who am I becoming in all of this?

Who are you becoming? Big question. Are you happier, more grateful and hopeful or are you frequently depressed, complaining, and negative every step of the way. Remember, that everything is everything; the way you do one thing is the way you will do another and consequently, who you are becoming determines the prize. You are either becoming the strong athlete who runs for the prize or you are the grumpy trainee who never makes it to the big game in the first place.

A cheerful heart and a cheerful attitude will get you to your destination faster and happier while ingratitude, complaints, blame and a disgruntled attitude will bring you disappointments, rejections and hard luck stories. What you need is a high dose of positivity and positive expectations, so that no matter how many times you fail, you know failure contributes more to your growth than anything else in the world.

Wake up and live. Be excited about your transformation and your change. Your ‘there’ is only a a few ‘heres‘ away. Enjoy this now, enjoy this moment, be grateful for today, embrace your growth. And trust me, by the time you get ‘there’ hardly will any of those laughing jackasses accept that what they see is true. They will see that you made it, and that you have become this shinning star and they will not recognize you. It is because you have grown. You have changed. You are now the sort of person who does great and amazing things.

serena-williams-wins-2013-french-open