happinness

Stop worrying about how it all adds up, keep moving ahead

Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not.  It just takes some time to connect all the dots – Marc & Angel

The only single thing required of you to do for the rest of your life is to remain in pursuit of what makes you happy. Keep your eye on that ball. Never let it go. Hold that image. Everything else will fall in place. All kinds of hazards and problems begin to happen when you begin to take things too seriously and try to understand everything that happens to you and why they are happening. Instead of burning so much energy trying to understand what life is about, what you did wrong to get punished this way, or where you missed a step to have fallen this far and hard to the ground, rather take the time to look around and see how you can get yourself back on track.

You’ve heard the saying, you cannot cheat nature. That statement is so, so, true. Its like cheating to loose weight. You follow the rules according to the books, you diet and exercise and all, and in a few months, you are back and bigger than you once were. What happened? The answer  is simple, you cannot cheat nature. You cannot deal with the outside without dealing first with the inside. You cannot want your body to look good when you haven’t first decided to love your body enough to keep away from junk, late eating, and over eating. The weight loss has got to begin inside first, with you disciplining yourself and controlling your eating. The exercise and diet routine are only extra support to help you reach your goal faster.

It is the same thing with life, we want to get to the top but we don’t want to follow the stair way, we like the elevator, one way ticket, the freeway, no turns, no sharp bends, no snaky roads, no speed bumps. Only speed. Growth like that is premature, what you end up having are weak muscles born out of an inexperienced mind. And since the higher you go, the greater the challenges you face, your inexperience will cause you a premature collapse from your high horses. When you think you can get by with unresolved issues in your car trunk, one day the corpses will bellow so hard, you will be forced to stop and deal with it.

Just as you can’t cheat nature, you cannot cheat the laws of the universe. Whatever goes up must come down. What goes around, comes around. What you put in, is what you get out. What you sow is what you reap. You don’t want to get to your summit with too much baggage. Chances are you may never arrive in the first place, bearing that much load, you tend to crumble beneath the weight. You want to be light as a feather and solid as a rock. You want to be light enough to surmount your obstacles and solid enough to withstand the deadliest storms.

Sometimes life will draw you back a step or two, or a mile or two in the opposite direction, and you will want to fight it, don’t. Let it play out. It is only in hindsight that you will be able to connect the dots. Sometimes in life, the winds will throw you so far from what looked like your horizon, don’t go and smack your head against the wall, look around, there is a very good reason why you are here at this particular point in time. Sometimes in life the waves will rise so high and thunderously above you, and in spite of your reciting the master’s ‘peace be still’ and mustering all the faith that you got, you still would witness with your very eyes, how the waves eventually crash your titanic and send you struggling  for dear life out in the Atlantic, in the middle of nowhere.

Don’t curse God then, and wait for death. Keep believing. If you couldn’t calm the storm, perhaps you cloud try walking on water. And if that doesn’t work out either, be rest assured something will. There is a reason for every season and most of the time, all through history, heroes have only been able to make sense of their dilemmas and tragedies only after they persevered and overcame. Only after they let go and moved on. Only after they went on ahead, where they able to see from hindsight that it all worked out for good in the end. Stop worrying about how it all adds up, keep going on ahead. It all works out in the end.

 

Woman

 

 

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND TAME YOUR HORSE

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die life is a broken-winged bird, that cannot fly – Marc and Angel

Dreams. Isn’t that what we all live for? You see a guy working so hard, killing himself over every dollar he makes just so he can make more. If you are lucky and you get him in a corner, you’ll discover it’s all because of this girl he’s met, she’s stolen his heart, she’s said yes and they’re going to be married. Nothing else matters to him than making her happy. You think to yourself that he’s stupid, that there are better things to kill one’s self over. Really? Better things like what? How else can we rev the engines of our lives if there is nothing driving us, anything?

Believe it or not, even the cold blooded robbers or the assassins have got dreams and they too probably have the girls they love   motivating them to take more lives and break into more homes. They have the city’s law enforcement on their heels, they don’t sleep easy, they are constantly on the run, yet they wouldn’t stop, because there is something driving them. A deep strong desire to be, do and have, that nothing would deter them. My point is, What is your strong desire? I’m not interested in knowing if its love, more money or a house by the beach, my point is there  has to be something driving you. There has to be something keeping you on the move or you’re finished because if you aren’t moving forward, then you’re retreating down hill. If you’re not retreating then worse still you’re on a standstill and standstill is synonymous to extinction.

A stale life is a dead life. If there’s nothing driving you, than you must be driving something, its got to be one of the two. Take a minute and think and ask yourself, why am I here? Here as in the very spot you are while you read this post. What took you there? Where are you going from there? What is the pivot of all your movements? And to what end? Remember, movement is not the same as motion. You could be a rocking chair going nowhere. So think about this a minute; what is your life about? Why do you do the things you do? Take some time to ask yourself some serious questions, and try quitting laughing about others when they talk about what drives them, when they share their dreams or where they hope to be in the next 5 years. Stop making fun of them and calling them names, like dreamer, or joker. If they are jokers for saying something about what they hope to make of their lives, then what does that make you, seeing you probably have none of such aspirations yourself?

Maybe you once had a dream and for some reason, some very, very good reason, you stopped and gave it all up. Don’t be a quitter, quitting can’t make dreams come true, but failing can. A failure can make her dream come true if she keeps trying and never stops believing her dream can be possible. While a quitter can do nothing more but go back to base, and become another has-been. It’s okay to fail, only don’t quit.

Here is how I see it, have a dream, live every moment for the cheer reason that you want to feel life coursing through your veins, because of what you are giving and what you are adding, because of who you are making happy, because of what you love and how it makes you big inside, because of the magic you bring to every moment, because of the colors you add to the world around you.

Life gets boring and painful when every night we go to bed, there is nothing to look forward to. When there is nothing bubbling inside of us, or simmering below the surface, waiting to be birthed, or hatched, when there is no excitement, no energy, no pulse, then there is concurrently no life, no meaning, no essence. Begin believing today that your life is for a reason, a meaning only you can give it. Do not be distracted or swayed by the meanings others have made of their lives, choose to create yours, you can make major leaps in life when you ride the right horse, the one that connects with you. Not someone’s. Find what you love and tame your own horse. There is so much ground ahead awaiting you, awaiting to be conquered by you.

 

Behind me is infinite power, before me is endless possibility, around me is boundless opportunity – Mac Anderson

Cowgirl

The power of gratitude

A   Poem on Gratitude
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
Author Unknown

 

Gratitude

If you’ve been inspired in any way by this post, kindly share your thoughts in the comment section. If you will like to also share, privately, what you are learning, or have any questions, shoot me an email — citygirl_muse@yahoo.com. XOXO

14 different ways to make your dreams come true

There is no shortage of dreamers, only a shortage of people doing what it takes to make their dreams come true.

1.    Reconnect with your true self and your inner genius:

It is easy to lose sight of who you are after going through a very tough process. I remember being in a near fatal accident in 2008 on my way back to Lagos from Kano. I managed to escape with only a few bruises. I was still terrified by images of the somersaulting bus and everything when, that same night, only a few miles from home, I was mugged and everything I had on me was taken away by two street thugs. A few weeks after, a relationship I believed so much in, fell apart. The accident and the cascading events that followed, shook me so bad, for many months I was a shadow of myself. I would stare blankly into nothing, still in shock over everything that happened to me, things I’d previously only read about in books, about being dumped, about motor accidents and muggers. For a long time I was traumatized. It was almost impossible for me to expect or believe any good about myself. When tragedies hit you, your confusion paints a sudden and false image about who you are and your reality. You don’t have to accept it. You can change it. Deep within you, you know your true self. She is not lost, she’s only hidden beneath the avalanche of circumstances. There are so many voices jabbing away inside your head, you cannot begin to hear yours. You feel lost and the only way to find yourself again is to take away those layers, one at a time. This could be a slow process, of finding your quiet again and getting centered and regaining focus. A slow conscious process of letting go, letting all the weights roll off your back or simply shaking them off. It’s okay to feel a little lost after being rattled by all kinds of experiences, so long as you make the effort to get back to center. Reconnect with your inner genius.

2.    Take a leap of faith:

They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.  ~Confucius

Physically as humans, we change daily and so does our minds, and our souls. We are in constant transition and transformation. We are becoming the image that we believe the most — the ultimate picture of what success means to us. We may not shed off feathers or skin as vividly as animals do, but we are changing and we change daily. We tend to accept physical change easier than our inner growth. In fact we mostly neglect out inner growth and focus more on how we look on the outside. So we try to enhance outward beauty and clutter our spaces with stuff. Change is not a bad thing. Change is pleasant even though it can be painful and distressing at times. Accept your little moments of transformation, and dare to be better than you were yesterday. It is that stretch you make, between where you were yesterday and where you could be tomorrow, that becomes the leap of faith. Continue to take that leap and your dreams will equally leap a step closer. Faith is having confidence in what we hope for, and even though we do not physically see it, we are certain it will happen. Keep taking those leaps.

By leaving behind your old self & taking a leap of faith into the unknown, you find out what you are truly capable of becoming.

3.    Stop building walls, start building bridges:

You are a victim of the rules and beliefs you live by.

A wise saying goes, you are confined only by the walls you build yourself. They are your limiting beliefs, they are those sour, sad, unpleasant images hanging all around you, saying to you, “This is how far you get, go no further. There is nothing for you on the other side. This where it all ends for you.” The sad part is you believe those images, and you believe them because you keep reinforcing them with new ones. Every time something doesn’t work out, you go to your wall of famous defeats and hang up a new trophy of failure and you don’t attempt to give life another try. Be determined to pull down those walls that limit you and begin to build bridges into your beautiful unknown. Take your risks and let those images of failure become the granite floors you will tread upon as you pursue your dreams. Never turn your back on life, whatever happens, good or bad, use it as building material for your bridge and move on right ahead. Let every experience you encounter create for you a network of bridges that lead you to your desired destination.

4.    Trust yourself:

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. – Golda Meir

Stop thinking too much about the steps you are about to take that you end up doing nothing about your life. You flounder because you are not sure the next step  you are about to take is the correct step. Follow your heart, trust your intuition, it’s not always going to be right or genius; but how else can you sharpen your senses if you don’t utilize them? The more you trust your gut, the more correct instructions it would give you. Spend more time doing something about your life than you spend speculating about it. If you don’t trust yourself, there isn’t a chance you will trust even the most reliable sources, or even the wisest of suggestions and advices when they come along. So stop stalling, stop guessing, stop asking too many questions that lead you no way and start doing, start trusting and start acting. The more you trust yourself, the sharper your intuition, and the wiser you become and the happier you will be to live with yourself. Only a centered person can make their dreams come true.

5.    By all means mean what you say:

I try to mean every word I say when I write because what I say in my writing today, is a reflection of who I am now, whilst what I say tomorrow will be a reflection of who I have become. My words are the chronicles of my metamorphosis. A collage of my beautiful imperfections. A tapestry of my life’s revelations as they unfold. Be true to yourself and mean what you say, every word of it. Being true in your conversations will strengthen your values and beliefs and make you more of a reliable source and less a coward. Learn the art of interpreting your true essence and your value systems through the things you talk about, let the image people see of you be the one you have crafted, not a counterfeit. Let it be the person that you are inside and the person that you are becoming. Don’t say one thing and be another. Don’t say something that is in total disagreement with your beliefs simply because it is trending. Stay true to who you are, it is the only way to begin to dream, by letting your true voice be heard.

6.    Forget what you’ve lost and focus on what you’ve learned:

You probably have had great opportunities, that you squandered and misused. You feel terrible about it and most of the time you are depressed because you can’t stop thinking of the great things you could have achieved if only you hadn’t been such an idiot. You feel stupid, silly, foolish. That’s okay. We all do. Every single one of us can tell a sordid story of how we messed things up at some time in our lives. It is the difference between successful people and the ugly has-been. Successful people learn from their mistakes, depressed, dull people can’t stop thinking about what they’ve lost and how sorry they are that they lost a great opportunity in the past. Choosing to learn from experience strengthens you and pushes you a rung higher on the ladder of life. It means you are not looking back or looking down, it means you have your eyes ahead, knowing how not to do things and where not to look. Life is like a big circle of events and everything that has gone around tends to come around. It’s in that second turn of events that all your hard lessons come to play, so that in the places where you stumbled, you now leap. You have grown tougher muscles and greater resilience. Your newly acquired traits now work for you because you have learned your lessons.

7.    Live in the present moment:

Don’t completely waste the season of life you are in now, simply because you want the next one to begin

Don’t be in a hurry to arrive in your tomorrow that you miss out of your today. Today is just as important to your dreams and as a matter of fact, all the time you’ve got. The future is simply a succession of several days. The quality of your future is the dependent on the quality invested in each day. It’s a natural human instinct to want to cram into one day what you should do in a week. It happens to us all. Wisdom comes from knowing that, that isn’t possible, instead do what you can for today and leave the rest. Put into one day what you know your strength can, then do a little extra. The laws that govern our universe always reward the extra mile. When you have done your best and your extra mile, add to both fullness of mind, body and soul. Be fully present, soak in every moment and watch your days mature into a star studded sky with fireworks and balloons. The richness of our lives is generated gradually from the fullness of time savored everyday. To be in so much hurry to begin the next phase of your life, is to escape the goodness of what today holds for you and without that piece of the puzzle, your tomorrow may not be as promising as you expect. Enjoy this moment, and if it is painful circumstance, then let it sink in, lean in to your pain, be fully aware of what you are creating, in good weather and in bad weather and when that building block is fully formed and cast, set it in place and await tomorrow’s opportunity. How do you build the longest wall in the world? One brick at a time.

8.    Be thankful:

Do not take anything for granted, not one smile or one person or one rainbow, or one breath, or one night in your cozy bed.  
~Terri Guillemet

In all things, give thanks for there is good in any situation. A life of gratitude is a life that recognizes that even the worst days of our lives have some virtue in them. Recognizing this and seeking out things to be thankful for everyday puts you in a position of strength and gives you power over the worst of conditions. An attitude of gratitude shifts your focus from the negative and places it on the positive happenings around you. Gratitude is the open door to abundance. Begin to note down at least 3 or 5 things to be thankful for at the end of everyday. Make this a habit and you’ll discover that even on the gloomiest days you will find yourself going to bed lighter and happier. You can never go wrong with gratitude, they are like tiny drops of water that make an ocean. Being thankful for the small seemingly insignificant things opens doors for the bigger things. When you have a set of written goals you want to achieve, having an attitude of gratitude sets into process the laws of attraction in your favor and more and more of the good stuff you expect begin to happen for you. I’ll like to share with you a note on gratitude I’ve had for sometime now:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life, it turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into clarity, problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

It’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy. – Marc & Angel

9.    Have a positive self-image:

You can’t do what’s right while you’re telling yourself the wrong things

You must have heard it said many times; you cannot outperform your self-belief and perception of yourself. If you think you can, you can, if you think you can’t, you can’t. A good book to read for more information on negative thinking, is ‘As a man thinketh’ by James Allen. You can have the biggest dreams and the brightest of ideas and you still will not so much as scratch the surface if you don’t think much of yourself and what you can achieve. Anyone can have a big dream but not many think they can achieve their dreams, that is why only a handful of the multitude are truly successful. Another book to look out for is ‘Think and Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill. Having a dream is only one side of the coin, believing that you can and letting nothing crush that believe is another ball game all the together. You can be anything you want to be, the key is to realize this and decide that following your dreams can only bring you one thing – true fulfillment. Believe you can and reinforce that belief daily.

10.    Take your chances:

In the end we regret the chances we didn’t take. We wish we took that exam or went back to school. We wish we had accepted the promotion that was going to take us to a new city, we wish had the baby, went on the road trip, loved more, made that call, we wish we walked away when we could. Why do we hide? It is because we are afraid, we are afraid of making mistakes and most times when we’ve made a mistake instead of taking a chance, a step of hope ahead, we make a more dreaded mistake and our lives begin to spiral further into the darkness. We are too afraid to fail so we hide and watch our dreams wither away. You have to take a chance on your dreams, take a chance on hope and trust that even if you fail, you would have at least conquered your fear. A life spent making mistakes is not only more enjoyable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. Take as many chances as you can. The Law of Probability tells us that, if you take enough chances in the direction of your dream, you will eventually hit a bulls eye. The key is to keep taking those chances.

11.    Pave your own unique path:

With great dreams come great responsibilities and part of that responsibility is you being original. You must recognize that, just like stars, we all have our own place in the sky, and we shine differently. What will make you stand out in the world is the very thing that only you is capable of creating. It doesn’t matter how many people are doing the very same thing, the magic you bring is the difference you make and that magic is found in your interpretation of life. Decide to bring your flavor into the mix all the time, not by being overbearing but with your own little contribution. Why do does it seem like everyone who makes it big has a magic touch, well, its because they do have a magic touch and its not just them, you do too. Everyone does, you only have to discover your style, and your method and it doesn’t have to be bizarre for it to be unique, you only have to trust it and love it when you discover what it is. Don’t try to be anyone else but yourself.

12.    Stop wasting your time:

You spend your most productive moments trying to make someone love you, or you spend the entire week talking cheap about other people, what they are not doing right, what they could do better, how the last thing they did was such a downer. You are out most of the time cruising around town and catching fun, in the name of life-is-too-short, for that reason you are having a girls night out every night and yet you are going to be famous one day. You are so certain of this because when you were much younger, you were known for having such a big talent. Stop wasting your time and wake up. Nothing big happens without handwork. Stop believing that crap that someday, whatever will be, will be, the angels have got your back. If you don’t put it in, you can’t get it out, period. So stop wasting your time and get busy. Read up about your profession, follow those who have gone ahead of you, have a set of written goals, have a plan and you’ll do just fine.

13.    Never forget how special you are:

You are one in a million. You have something to offer. There is someone out there waiting for you to awaken so that they too can find themselves. People always need someone to lead them, someone to tell them they can, someone to show them how. And all of our lives we are either of such people, we are either leading or are being led. While you’re looking up to those who inspire you, others are also looking to you for inspiration. You are a beacon to someone or some place. You can make a difference in the very place you find yourself. You are the answer to someone’s questions, you carry the balm that will heal some, a relief to many who are hurting. You are special, believe that you are, it is a good place to start. Your life will begin to change the moment you come to that awareness.

14.    Keep moving forward:

Anyone can feel overwhelmed and give up; it takes a wise person to take compassionate, persistent and committed action every day. – Marc & Angel

This whole dream-come-true business is a daily thing. Let your eyes look straight ahead. When you fall down, the next thing to do is to get up right back again and continue running. If you feel weighed down, take a moment and check yourself, you may be dragging a few weights around, let them go. Anger, pettiness, grudges and lies, will weigh you down and suck out all the energy you need to keep going. There would be slow days, days you will feel you are not doing your best, that’s fine, so long as you keep on the path. Then there will be the days when your energy is at its peak and you can almost feel yourself leap into the air and fly. They are the ups and the downs, and they are normal when chasing your dreams, only never give up. Only those who keep moving forward arrive at the finish.

You can try any of these steps and your life will change. There is a magic attached to intentional learning, what it does is that, the moment you adopt one principle and begin to make it work for you, you automatically embrace the other principles. The reason is this, no one principle exists in isolation, they are all connected. So start anywhere, begin with the one that speaks directly to you and your life will begin to change. You will find that making your dreams come true is not some strange business, that is isolated from the life you already live, the one is linked to the other.

Dreams

 

If you’ve been inspired in any way by this post, kindly share your thoughts in the comment section. If you will like to also share, privately, what you are learning, or have any questions, shoot me an email — citygirl_muse@yahoo.com. XOXO

I am going to make the rest of my life the best of my life

Here is the heartfelt cry of the girl who has decided the mistakes of her yesterdays will not keep her stuck in regrets and the soiled state of had-I-known. Here is the deep longing of the woman who has swallowed the bitter pill of truth, that says, yes I messed up at such and such a time and that’s okay because I can change.

It is the moment of truth for the girl who is done crying over spilt milk and decides right after wiping her face and nursing her wounds, that it is time; time to clean up her mess and move on. It is the voice of a resolute determination and an unshakable stance, that spits in the face of the accuser, saying, “You cannot put me down. I’m going on ahead and you cannot stop me.”

She is looking in the mirror and saying to herself; I may not be proud of my past, I may not be proud of the silly mistakes I’ve made, I may not be proud of the pitfalls I’ve encountered, and all the traps I walked blindly into, I may not be proud of my past choices and how they always resulted in the worse of circumstances, I may not be proud of the previous years but I am going to make the rest of my life the best of my life!

She is in a quiet place, and in deep thought she summons the fragile pieces of her broken dreams, beliefs, value systems and aspirations. With steady hands, she pieces them back together, she will make a lovely collage of these shards and splinters. Like the coat of many colors, she will sew each piece with love, not condemnation, with patience, not anxiety, with gentleness, not brashness, with hope, not fear.

She will remain in that still quiet state of being, where her dreams are safe, where they can recover, where they can breed, where they can blossom. Like a gardener, with diligent hands, she will prune and trim, she will nurture her dreams within the confines of her most delightful thoughts.

And if per chance her thoughts begin to drift to where dreams are snatched and snuffed out, into the dark alleys of doubt, crippling fear and unbelief, she will quickly retrieve them with the crook of the shepherd’s staff, the staff of her strong-will and determination.

She will remain in control. This is her life and she will dress it and grow it. She will cherish the gift of one glorious day after another and with persistence and focus she will tell a new story, plant a new garden, create a new reputation, create a new life.

And when days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years, her life is a huge blooming victory garden. When her pretty face lights up a room, and her strong voice echoes with power before a great multitude, when her collage of patched dreams becomes a great masterpiece, then the world would say, “Look, there goes a vision…”

They are oblivious of her dark days, the long nights of toil and crafting, of planting and watering, of watching and believing, of pain and of joy all mingled together. They did not see what went on in those quiet places beside still waters. They only see her lit up face, hear her soothing rhetorics, and her graceful gait.

This could be you. This could be your story. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, where your past has landed you, or if you’ve been washed up unto distant shores, far, far, way from home. You can begin all over, right at the bottom and work your way to the top. You can make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Best smile

If you’ve been inspired in any way by this post, kindly share your thoughts in the comment section. If you will like to also share privately, what you are learning, or have any questions, shoot me an email — citygirl_muse@yahoo.com. XOXO

10 tough decisions you will have to make in pursuit of happiness

In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock. – Thomas Jefferson


1.    Follow your heart to your dreams:

Have a set of written goals. The one who seeks to be anything in life will first dream and then after dreaming will have a plan to attain that dream otherwise, as the saying goes, she would have planned to fail. Deep within you is a familiar rhythm, your in born music, the one you have been humming from the word go. You know what makes you happy. There is a place for everyone on the grande stage of life and every time you look at the stars, you see a glimpse of  who you want to be and that image gets clearer as you take consistent steps towards your goals.

When you follow your heart ,you find your voice…and opportunity, love and a world of difference will be there to greet you!

Follow your dreams to reach your goals, and then follow your goals to reach your dreams. Hold your image. Life’s storms will always rise to rock your boat, and when life happens, hold fast to dreams. You will make many turns that turn out to be dead ends, you will start-over plenty of times, you will try many ideas that would last only a few moments of success like fireworks, you will fail many times. It sounds scary but it is true. It is the beauty of dreams and that is the price you pay for staying committed to them.You’ll face lots of mountains to climb, and you’ll have the strength and belief to do it.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.~Les Brown.

2.    Walking away from anything that no longer defines you

Life is in phases and some of the best decisions you will ever make in life is knowing when a phase is closing and then trusting your intuition to lead you into the next phase of your life. These change in seasons are like the changing tracks of a rail road, they are not in the least easy transitions to make. Once you fail to turn your wheels ever so slightly to take that new course, you will continue on a course that has no plan, and no future for you but routine which leads to staleness, unproductively and inevitably extinction. The only constant thing in life is change and to find true happiness you must keep changing, keep trusting your gut to walk away from overdue liabilities, obligations and interactions that no longer resonate with you. Sometimes life calls for you to adapt, grow new skills and adaptable traits. As you keep making these changes, you will learn the difference, to know when to adapt and when to walk away. One way to know, is to listen to your inner yearnings and longings, they never lie. Its like hunger to food, when you feel those pangs you know you have to eat. Ignoring your hunger will lead to ulcers.

You can find your way in life by start listening to the wisdom of your body, and your intuition when feelings of joy appear it’s a good thing to trust that you are on the right way

And once you succeed in making that change, you develop adaptable traits to adjust into a new territory of influence. You will be misunderstood and sometimes be seen as confused or ridiculous. In the last couple of years, I’ve changed jobs quite frequently, and even though many have seen this trait as unethical, I have somehow been able to make sense of all the transitions that occur in my career. As unethical as those changes seemed, each phase brought with it new experiences that have enriched my growth. Making these choices come at different stages for all of us, for one person it could mean saying goodbye to a job, while for another it could be changing location or moving house, it could be the close of one business and the start of another. Whatever it is, you must trust your instincts to make the right move once it is time. Also remember, if you aren’t on a journey, hardly will any of these make any difference to you. You have to be going somewhere before the road signs can make any sense to you.

3.    Staying true to relationships that grow you

Even the finest dreams and the biggest ideas, like great ships, can be sunk because of the slightest shift in focus. You must recognize for yourself people who continue to point you in the direction of your dreams and then nurture those relationships. These are the people who keep telling you how good you are at something even when you don’t see the good yourself. They are the ones who always remind you of promises you have made to achieving certain goals and they never condemn you when you fail. These people are usually the minority, they are hardly among the general crowd seeking entertainment. They’re only concerned to see you begin to live up to their expectations of you which is — you can do better than you are doing now! They are like your sounding boards, they help you stay in line, and caution you when you are drifting away from your own blueprints. They sense when you’re off track and then help you get back on course. They keep you accountable. They believe in you, in your talents and in your dreams. There’s no point crowding your life with a bunch of people who literally have no use in your growth. Stick with the ones who do and nurture these friendships. Remember to return the favor when opportunity presents itself. Be a trusted friend and encourager.

4.    Choosing your circles wisely

If you want to fly like an eagle, you’ll know then that your place isn’t with the chickens. And to desire to fly like an eagle, will mean you are an eaglet needing the skill an assistance of a full grown eagle. In choosing your circles, you will be deliberating creating for yourself an environment that will help you achieve your goals. There will be a lot of friction along this path, because your priorities begin to change and when your priorities change, the company you keep changes automatically. The places you go to begin to matter and your entire outlook begins to conform to your new rules of engagement. With your new ‘highly experienced’ associations you are not afraid to stretch beyond your comfort zone. Be prepared for backlashes at this junction, because a few people would begin to say the dreadful ‘you-have-changed’ and not too many people are comfortable with being told they have changed. It is a statement of betrayal that puts you in the position of the betrayer. However, in life, when in pursuit of happiness – the fulfillment of our dreams – many things would shift and if we don’t shift with the seasons, we put ourselves at the risk of simply existing.

Everything feeds you; food, music, environments, people. Let the best surround you

5.    Consciously shutting out negativity and toxic relationships:

Our minds have a default negative thinking pattern. It is usually easier for the human mind to think negative thoughts than positive thoughts. It is easier to feel fear than bravery, to anticipate the worse than to have faith. We sight the flaws very quickly than the pluses. However true happiness only comes to those who anticipate it not those who talk about it. You have to consciously expect to be happy to be happy, in that case happiness becomes a choice not a feeling. You have to make conscious efforts to shut out the nagging thoughts of doubt and crippling fear that show up anytime you  think about your goals. It is like a daily routine of workout, you keep at it daily, reminding yourself of  what you hope to achieve and repeatedly exchanging one negative thought for a positive one. If a thought says, “what makes you think you will succeed?”, you say “what’s stopping me from trying?” In the other hand, you have dream killers, and they come in different forms, sometimes they are simply negative people telling you your dreams are absurd, other times they could be a relationship that has gone from casual misunderstanding to poisonous. When someone keeps bringing up the past in peaceful times, that person does not align with your center, and continuous references to the past draw you back, you need to stay focused. It could be letting go of someone who continues to hurt you, a relationship you have to genuinely admit is over and can only do you more harm than good. Sometimes because we are deeply in love with someone, we are unable to see objectively but if we are in love with our dreams just as much, we can find the strength to let go of an abusive relationship and then take hold of our dreams. This can be a wrenching and extremely painful process but one you will be thankful for in the end.

6.    Let bygones be bygones:

Regret is the most wasted human emotion.  It removes energy, leads you down the wrong path.

Hold no one to ransom. Have no place for hate in your hate, hate is a poison that kills you slowly and sucks you dry of joy and peace. Forgive the offender. Blame no one for your misfortunes. Forgive the past, and believe that people can be better than they are and that your circumstances can change if you remain consistent and don’t look back. Make amends and build bridges, embrace new opportunities to experience the best out of every circumstance and and every individual. Look straight ahead and careless about people or stuff whose association you may lose along the way, consider them to be weights, as you must travel light on this journey if you must reach your destination.

7.    Love what you’ve got while seeking what you love

Be thankful for today, embrace the gift that is today and have hope for tomorrow. Cherish the gift of time you have now, and the chances and circumstances that come your way to bring you closer to your dreams. Nurture your youth and your health while you have the chance, spend time with your loved ones, and continue to remain loyal and committed to your dreams. And when tomorrow comes, you will be more than ready to harvest its fully bloomed fruits and goodness.

8.    Take responsibility for your actions:

Nobody but you is responsible for your life. When you’re in the wrong, apologize with deep sincerity and whether or not the other person is appeased, choose to forgive yourself and move on. When you’ve made a mistake, accept that you made a wrong call and learn from your misfortunes. Be kind to people you meet along the way even though you may be having the worse of the days. Always speak a kind word or say nothing at all. If words don’t come easily for you, then try smiling, a smile speaks many languages and never goes wrong.  Avoid giving excuses, only say sorry or thank you. Avoid explanations, accept the rebuke with graciousness. Work hard, stay focused and be consistent. Be a giver, give of yourself and expect less in return; the law of giving says, the more you give of yourself without expecting anything in return, the more will come back to you from the most unexpected sources. Take no prisoners. Take your own risks, trust your instincts, don’t wait to be spoon fed with the ideas of others. Follow your path, tell your unique story with each day that unfolds and trust that your own experiences will lead you to your grande finale.

9.    Be patient:

Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not.  It just takes some time to connect all the dots. – Marc & Angel.

Patience is a great virtue that comes with a very great price. It means that sometimes you will chose to walk the distance and not hitch a ride because you know that walking will toughen your muscles. Other times it will mean you will go the full length, encountering bumps, potholes and ditches, bushes and dry patches instead of using the shortcuts because you know the end will justify the means. Also patience means, putting in the work, because if you don’t put it in, you are getting nothing out. You will do well to have patience, because patience always carries within itself great rewards that only reveal themselves in the end.

Nature  does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
– Lao Tzu

10.    Whatever happens, choose happiness

In your pursuit of happiness, you will suffer many trials, you will have bad days, and bad weather. You will encounter dead ends, and negative people. You will fail many times, you will make silly and embarrassing mistakes. You will let people down, your priorities will change, you will change as well. You will keep changing, it is the one thing that remains constant, every other thing shifts to conform to your transitions and as you move along, some people will go, others will stay, many will disappear, and a few new ones will show up. Sometimes you will not understand what you are feeling or what you are doing nor where you are going, whatever happens, remember to choose happiness. Whether you’re down, or your just living, at every moment and at every junction, choose happiness. Make no exchange for less, trade it for nothing. Stay thankful, stay grateful, stay hopeful and ultimately, stay happy.

 

Choose happiness

3 important questions that sum up your entire existence

Did I love? Did I live? Did I matter? – Brendon Burchard

Did I love?

True love that is genuine and whole, is love that is first, love of self before it can be shared with another. Love that is truly pure, giving, and selfless must first love the being that embodies it. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot truly love another. In the bible, it says, Love your neighbor as your self. You can only know how to love another when you have immersed yourself in self-love. Did I love myself for myself? Did I love myself for who I am and what I am? Did I love my self with all its imperfections and inconsistencies? Did I love myself and believe in what I could become? Did I love?

Let’s continue doing good things for ourselves and each other, and dance to the wonderful tune of life

The answers you find, will tell you what to expect when you take the question to the next level. Did I love the people I came across during my life’s walk? Did I encourage or demoralize? Did I embrace or push away? Did I give or did I selfishly drain? Did I love or did I judge? Did I love or did I hurt? It goes to say, if you loved and accepted yourself, you will love and accept others. However, if you are in conflict with yourself most of the time, you will inevitably be in conflict with others. If you are a loving, centered, happy person, you will only give to others what you have not what you don’t have.

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate – Oprah Winfrey

When answering this very personal, and intimate question, remember to shine the flashlight on yourself first. Have you connected with your inner self enough to love who you are for yourself? Be kind with yourself, rather than being brash and mean, be gracious. There is no condemnation, discover your truth and make amends, after all it isn’t the end of your life yet. There is plenty of time to make amends. Begin now.

 

Did I live?

Create your own life story and make it a real epic adventure

I am an advocate for living life to the fullest. My friends know me well for taking risks and preaching the gospel of ‘risk taking’. Some say I am a free spirit, no actually the statement in question actually went thus “You are too much of a free spirit.” I still laugh at the memory of that conversation because I know a large part of it is true.

I just cannot stand for a moment anything that looks like or threatens to take away my freedom. Why should I be a caged bird when I can have the sky? Why should I be content with being someone’s pet — a gold fish in a fishbowl — when I can be my own boss in the deep blue sea? It is a risk I am willing to take, to be thrown into the deep blue and discover new territories of dominion. It’s been scientifically proven that a gold fish will grow more than twice its size when it is made to live in a swimming pool. Imagine what it could become if it were thrown into the ocean. I am all for taking risks and stretching beyond our comfort zones.

Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Dream big and live life outside the glamorous, comfort of being a show piece in a fish bowl. Take your risks, write your our stories and be brave to tell them. And when you do, watch how it moves the hearts of men. Did I live? Did I give my best? Did I try all I could? Did I seize my opportunities? Did I play my cards or did I shy away in denial? Did I live or did I settle for less? Did I live or did I succumb to fear? Did I live or did I remain a coward? Did I live or did I fade into mediocrity? Did I live or did I give up my rights to be heard?

Life was meant to be lived and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn their back on life. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Again be kind to yourself, and be true as being true can get. Find what gives you the most fulfillment, pursue it because you love it, and in doing so you will achieve it. And whatever that means to you, make it your mantra to seek out what you love, and follow it till the end. Dare to go on your own adventure of self-discovery.

It could be taking photographs, and freezing moments of special memories for people and their loved ones, that may be the very thing that gives you zing. Or teaching in a local school and providing free education for poor children in a distant village. If that is what makes your heart beat faster, by all means be that person. Live!

To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable. – Erich Fromm

Did I matter?

Life is service to humanity. Therefore finding the balance between self-gratification and that service is the place where your life begins to matter. Did I matter or did I simply sail by? Did I matter or did I fade into the background? Did I matter or was I only a spot on the huge canvass of life?

If you can not feed a million people, then feed just one. – Mother Teresa

There is wisdom in beginning right where you are while you keep your eyes on your big picture. Start with a loved one, a friend needing assistance, begin to spread your magic with your little circle of influence and witness the effect of your small touch spread into large waves of transformation. You can enlarge your circle of influence with just one meaningful action of purpose like the drop of a single stone in still water, the rippling effect will always spread beyond your physical effort.

However, if you get carried away chasing your dreams and riding your white horse to utopia, busying yourself with checking off your adventure list, harvesting and gathering, filling your truck with stuff and more stuff, and proudly waving the flag of having worked hard to deserve all your plunder; you adorn yourself with medals and with pride gaze upon your trophies and rewards, remember this,

Remember happiness is a way of travel, not a destination. – Roy Goodman

Remember that true happiness is not in what we acquire but in what we relinquish for the happiness of others. It lies in the reason why you have been beautifully endowed with so many talents, and ideas and genius. It is so you can fill empty cups, seal up leaking roofs, provide lamps for those in the dark, some gratification for people who follow you, a bit of hope to those who look up to you, and providing fishing nets to as many as you can teach to fish.

It is so that you can matter. Isn’t that the reason why we work so hard, so that our lives can have some sort of meaning, so that we can feel some essence bubble up our souls and flow through us to as many as possible, quenching their thirsts and satisfying their patched lips? Isn’t that why we spend so much time putting in the work and staying up at night?

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. – Mother Teresa

In the long run, never hold back, never pull back, always be doing and always be giving, never feel you are not doing enough, always try to do your best. Remember the law of giving; give and expect nothing in return, give your best, give your all and your reward will come from places you least expect.

Did I love? Did I live? Did I matter? – Brendon Burchard

Angel's friend

The joys of imperfection

God, grant me the serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I Can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

With pain comes scars, and our scars bear lessons and reminders of what can hurt us or break us. With much tears come clarity, and vulnerability that frees us from the hurt that plagues us. You beat yourself for the dents in your personality. You smack your head over with contempt for the rough edges in your makeup and the inconsistencies in your progress through life.

You are shy to look up and confront your battles because you feel your opponent will see your weaknesses and sneer at you with contempt. You cover your scars with layers of clothing, you are shamed by the memory of the battles you have survived. You focus on the reality that you’ve taken a few blows and forget the actual fact that you are a brave survivor.

You throw a veil over your face, you are either embarrassed by a blemish on your skin or ashamed of the innocence in our eyes. You become a victim of your own existence, imprisoned by your limiting beliefs and self-imposed denouncements. You cannot see the good in you, because you hold  your weaknesses too close to your eyes.

You are too busy feeling sorry for yourself, too busy trying to repair your flaws and fix the dents in your image. Little do you realize, that all the crookedness and unevenness sum up the amazing person that you are. That is what makes you so attractive. Your beauty is a collage of all your imperfections and right there at its center lies your true essence.

Your imperfections form a magnetic field drawing toward you the very opposites that complete you. It is the joy of imperfections, where you embrace all your flaws knowing that accepting they exist is a step towards a deeper awareness, that reveals to you different levels of strength and all the possibilities that can be yours.

Embracing your weaknesses and blemishes is a step towards completeness. Completeness is not the absence of flaws neither is perfection the elimination of it. Your imperfections can lead you to wholeness if you will choose to embrace them, change your perspective and begin to see them differently.

The Law of Opposites says that within every disadvantage is an equal and opposite advantage. What that means is this, your weaknesses are a sign that you can be twice as much stronger, twice as much a victor, twice as much a success. If you are so afraid and terrified, then you can be so brave and dauntless, you only need to find the courage to flip the coin.

At the very spot where you believe you can’t, that is where you are strongest. You possess just as much bravery to overcome at the very same spot where you have been beaten down to a pulp. You can rise a champ, like a phoenix, if only you can find the strength to flip the coin.

These are the joys of imperfections, to embrace your imperfections is to embrace yourself, be in love with yourself, and be at peace with yourself. You are grateful for your scars because they are medals of having conquered in the battles of your past. They remind you of your bravery, that once upon a time, you stood your ground and fought, and even though you took a beating, you survived.

Begin to see your flaws as the door way to your inner mojo, like super heroes, you can save the world using the very thing that once maimed you. It is time to wake up and answer your call, lift up those eyes and see the chaos that only you can fix.

Rise up to your responsibilities today, don’t wait for perfection, there is no such thing as being perfect. Only imperfections, woven beautifully into a magnificent piece of tapestry for all the world to behold with wonder.

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart, don’t know how to laugh either. – Golda Meir

Sad face

Sometimes you have to say yes to what you really feel to be free indeed

 

I know we try to do our best all the time. I know we all truly wish to be good and try to do right by all means. I know we try to change our thought patterns and try to adopt new value systems. I know in general, we want to forgive, we want to let go, we want to move on.

We try every tool in the box and follow the 7 steps written in the book but if we are sincere with ourselves, if we keep still for just one minute, one-second, we will sense the rumbling deep down inside of our stomach. Down underneath the sea of conflicting emotions, lying still and undisturbed at the bottom of our hearts, is the hate we truly feel, the raging anger, toxic unforgiveness and bitterness eating away at our core.

While we go about our quiet lives, we sense its presence, and every now and then amidst our devoted worship and sincerities and professed goodness, we sense a faint vibration, a small movement of the beast sleeping within our subconscious. Even though we have successfully concealed the hate with layers and layers of positive affirmations and pronouncements, in group gatherings and in private therapy, we sense the phantom, the sleeping beast, a looming disaster, the deadly clutter that holds us back from being the best and greatest that we could be.

Here then, is my theory. Why tell ourselves a lie when we can tell ourselves the truth. Sometimes it is only when we have told ourselves the truth about what we truly feel that we can then recreate a new and transforming truth that frees us from the bounds of hate. Sometimes these negative feelings need recognition, airing and verbalizing as much as we can.

Sometimes to gain closure, we must take a bold step to being completely open with ourselves. We must vent in the true sense of the word. It is not okay to say simply “When I was with you, you hurt me real bad, and its hard for me to forget…” rather say, “When I was with you, you pawned me like a game, and of all the people I have been with, you hurt me the deepest and the longest. You made me hate myself for being so vulnerable, I hate you for what you made me become and I hope you feel the hate for as long as you live…”

Whoooo, you may be thinking, that is harsh, that is hatred, that is bitterness. Yes, it is, but isn’t that what you truly feel for that person whose memory always grates your senses whenever you hear their name mentioned? If you will be truly free, you must let those feeling out of the bag, and only then can you release them. You can send it in an email, or simply write it down on paper…whatever works for you.

The idea is, you must let out the venom or otherwise be poisoned forever by it. When you do, you free your subconscious of it’s deadly sting and you free your mind to embrace your future without any limits or hold. Remember to do this intentionally too, by that I mean, if you are going to let out the venom, do it with the sole purpose of wanting to be free of the hate. Do it because you want sanity for yourself and peace deep within your soul. Do it because it is what you need to be truly free of your past and the people that have hurt you so badly. Do it for yourself, to be happy and be free not inflict hurt on the other person or cause more damage.

That is why I do not recommend the email, because every word you write to describe your hurt will be carrying the negative vibrations of the hurt, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness you’ve soaked in all these years and months. And what you will invariably do to that person is poison whatever peace they may have at the time and cause them to revisit the past again with guilt and regret and sometimes the person becomes damaged goods and they may never recover. You don’t want that. You don’t want to be responsible for any more hate and unforgiveness.

What you want is peace, love, and hope in abundance. In other to achieve that you will need a little bit of faith and a large chunk of belief and courage to trust that simply writing it down (which is what I recommend) will set you free just as much but without causing any more damage. And because every word you write down is negatively charged with all the bad energy from that experience, that piece of paper becomes the victim of that venting and the out pour of your venom. It is that piece of paper that bears the cross and the crucifixion.

After writing down your hate, what you do next is write down your freedom on a separate sheet of paper. Write how you want to feel and how you believe you should be feeling about the experience. Write you healing, your forgiveness, and your hopes. Write them all down and bless your past for the lessons learnt. Write something like “I forgive myself for being a victim in this relationship, for allowing myself to be pawned and belittled. I forgive you for being the mean person that you were and I hope you can forgive yourself for how it all ended. I release you today.” Whatever represents your story, just make sure you are kind and express the freedom you yearn.

What you do next is as bizarre as this whole therapy gets, you burn the first sheet of paper and from your hearts of hearts let it all go. Let go of the hate, the anger, the bitterness and the pride. What you have left is the new truth you have written on the other sheet of paper, it is your testimonial of having fought a good fight and run with perseverance the race that was a failed relationship, a betrayal or broken trust or whatever it is you are battling.

If you still feel the urge to send an email or a text, then you can send your new truth, in doing os you do not hurt the receiver nor send them back into limbo or anything of that sort. Instead you leave them in a good place. A place where they are free to deal with their issues objectively and however that turns out is really none of your business because some people are die hards and never forgive just as much as they never forget.

However, what you would have achieved is really big. You would have aired your negative feelings and emotions, freed your self from a self-imposed prison, and self-afflicted venom that could have destroyed you. You would have earned your freedom and above all else gained closure. You will be free. Free to embrace your future and all your hopes and dreams with nothing holding you back. You would have done the right thing. You have said yes to your feelings. You have let go. You are free indeed.

None of this may make sense at first but the results are huge, if done intentionally, your heart literally feels light and you happier, and thoughts of the past and persons in question will no longer hurt, grate or embitter.

Finally, it is always good to go through the process with an experienced coach who can guide you each step of the way so you don’t find yourself back at the same spot where you began. A coach is someone you trust, someone that walks besides you and guides you without judging you. Allow yourself the freedom to drink in life in all its fullness. Release your hate and release yourself. Life awaits the free and authentic you.

Free

You are good enough just the way you are

Forget what you’ve lost and focus on what you’ve learned – Marc & Angel


 

You have recently been fired and your morale is hanging on a loose thread, struggling for dear life. You do not know how to respond to those recurring questions over the phone, “Oh aren’t you at work today?” “Are you on leave?” You used to saunter around town with your fine silk suits now you sneak around with a hood and sunglasses.

You have taken the shreds of a single event and woven them nicely into defeat, failure, no-good, final blow, down and out. You have taken the letter of termination and made it into your label, a sticker that boldly reads — this is the best I could ever be. This is all that there is about this diva. The story ends here.

You allow a single detour, determine the stretch of your zeal to continue along the path that leads to true fulfillment. You allow little bumps along the way define the rhythm of your life and you sit slumped over in defeat and shame and regrets of all kinds. Fading away beneath the shadows of what could have been.

How about what you can become? How about what awaits you on the other side of the valley? How about what could be if you reached the summit? How about what you have put in, the time, the energy, the sweat, was it all for a silly self-imposed sticker?

Pain can be a nightmare, and with pain you have two choices. You can choose to wake up learn the lessons pain teaches you about what is missing, what went wrong, and what is needed for you to move on, or you can choose to numb your pain and hide from your reality.

I hope  you choose to learn from your pain, and not run from it. I hope you learn to nurse your wounds, and not lick them in self-pity. I hope you find the courage to look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, in spite of your circumstances, “I am good enough…”

And indeed you are. You are good enough just the way you are because you can be better from the very spot you find yourself, however downcast you may feel, if only you will find the courage to move on. A drink or two is needed when you feel drained and exhausted from trying, but to sit back and watch life pass you by is to wilt away for lack of enthusiasm and zeal.

If you will only look within, you will find just what you need to take the next step and move on, and the next step is all you need to begin your walk in this new direction. If you will continue to follow your dreams, you will most certainly be pleasantly surprised in the end.


 

Experience is what you get when your life don’t go as planned,
but with a positive attitude you will always be pleasantly surprised – Marc & Angel

I love my life