happiness

Don’t Postpone Your Happiness

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What you fail to realize is this;

For every moment of pain you wish away

You waste yet again a great resource of wisdom

You lose yet again a lifetime of enrichment

You fail yet again to live life fully

You succeed however at keeping happiness away by another day

IT IS THE TOUGH TIMES THAT MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING

Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, and the worst days give you the best lessons. – Mark & Angel


Your life is like a book that you author alone and though you do not control the unfolding events, you control your role in them.

There was a time in my life when everything I held on to for so long began to slip from my grip and I could do nothing about it.

It felt as though I was going to lose my mind and I would cry myself to sleep. Eventually I had to let is go and move on.

Moving on wasn’t easy but I did it anyway. During that course of time, I met many obstacles along the way, a few that beat me severely, I cried in the open.

Some others where subtle, hiding beneath masking that soon wore off and I had to detour yet again.

It is easier now to talk about this here because I overcame. If I’d given in, fallen on my face and never gotten back to my feet, there would be no story to tell.

No lessons learnt and no victories won. I can talk about it only because I pulled through. Because I never gave up. Because I never cursed my darkest days.

I know that life is dotted with tough experiences, and so whatever happens I have decided to be comforted by that part of my history where the clouds were once darkest and bleakest.

I have learnt also to laugh through the most bizarre of experiences. Sometimes things can get to worse to ridiculous and the only thing left to do would be to laugh.

I have also found fortitude in prayer; form conversing with God and sharing my despair and drawing strength at the same time as I travelled along on my journey.

One tool that has helped me to literally count my blessings are my journals. In them are several accounts of where I’ve been, what I’ve seen and how each event has turned out.

Each time I read through the pages I am more than grateful to God for being there, just like he promised that he would. To never leave me nor abandon me. To be with me through deep waters and through the fire. To protect me from drowning and from burning.

My lessons would remain strong footholds in my life. Lessons like holding on to dreams, choosing your friends carefully, saying no anything that no longer defines me, walking away from negative people and relationships, staying true to my calling, and trusting my intuition.

Life lessons are priceless. They can never be bought,not with silver or with gold. They can only be acquired through tough times.


Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. Mark & Angel

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Sometimes you have to say yes to what you really feel to be free indeed

 

I know we try to do our best all the time. I know we all truly wish to be good and try to do right by all means. I know we try to change our thought patterns and try to adopt new value systems. I know in general, we want to forgive, we want to let go, we want to move on.

We try every tool in the box and follow the 7 steps written in the book but if we are sincere with ourselves, if we keep still for just one minute, one-second, we will sense the rumbling deep down inside of our stomach. Down underneath the sea of conflicting emotions, lying still and undisturbed at the bottom of our hearts, is the hate we truly feel, the raging anger, toxic unforgiveness and bitterness eating away at our core.

While we go about our quiet lives, we sense its presence, and every now and then amidst our devoted worship and sincerities and professed goodness, we sense a faint vibration, a small movement of the beast sleeping within our subconscious. Even though we have successfully concealed the hate with layers and layers of positive affirmations and pronouncements, in group gatherings and in private therapy, we sense the phantom, the sleeping beast, a looming disaster, the deadly clutter that holds us back from being the best and greatest that we could be.

Here then, is my theory. Why tell ourselves a lie when we can tell ourselves the truth. Sometimes it is only when we have told ourselves the truth about what we truly feel that we can then recreate a new and transforming truth that frees us from the bounds of hate. Sometimes these negative feelings need recognition, airing and verbalizing as much as we can.

Sometimes to gain closure, we must take a bold step to being completely open with ourselves. We must vent in the true sense of the word. It is not okay to say simply “When I was with you, you hurt me real bad, and its hard for me to forget…” rather say, “When I was with you, you pawned me like a game, and of all the people I have been with, you hurt me the deepest and the longest. You made me hate myself for being so vulnerable, I hate you for what you made me become and I hope you feel the hate for as long as you live…”

Whoooo, you may be thinking, that is harsh, that is hatred, that is bitterness. Yes, it is, but isn’t that what you truly feel for that person whose memory always grates your senses whenever you hear their name mentioned? If you will be truly free, you must let those feeling out of the bag, and only then can you release them. You can send it in an email, or simply write it down on paper…whatever works for you.

The idea is, you must let out the venom or otherwise be poisoned forever by it. When you do, you free your subconscious of it’s deadly sting and you free your mind to embrace your future without any limits or hold. Remember to do this intentionally too, by that I mean, if you are going to let out the venom, do it with the sole purpose of wanting to be free of the hate. Do it because you want sanity for yourself and peace deep within your soul. Do it because it is what you need to be truly free of your past and the people that have hurt you so badly. Do it for yourself, to be happy and be free not inflict hurt on the other person or cause more damage.

That is why I do not recommend the email, because every word you write to describe your hurt will be carrying the negative vibrations of the hurt, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness you’ve soaked in all these years and months. And what you will invariably do to that person is poison whatever peace they may have at the time and cause them to revisit the past again with guilt and regret and sometimes the person becomes damaged goods and they may never recover. You don’t want that. You don’t want to be responsible for any more hate and unforgiveness.

What you want is peace, love, and hope in abundance. In other to achieve that you will need a little bit of faith and a large chunk of belief and courage to trust that simply writing it down (which is what I recommend) will set you free just as much but without causing any more damage. And because every word you write down is negatively charged with all the bad energy from that experience, that piece of paper becomes the victim of that venting and the out pour of your venom. It is that piece of paper that bears the cross and the crucifixion.

After writing down your hate, what you do next is write down your freedom on a separate sheet of paper. Write how you want to feel and how you believe you should be feeling about the experience. Write you healing, your forgiveness, and your hopes. Write them all down and bless your past for the lessons learnt. Write something like “I forgive myself for being a victim in this relationship, for allowing myself to be pawned and belittled. I forgive you for being the mean person that you were and I hope you can forgive yourself for how it all ended. I release you today.” Whatever represents your story, just make sure you are kind and express the freedom you yearn.

What you do next is as bizarre as this whole therapy gets, you burn the first sheet of paper and from your hearts of hearts let it all go. Let go of the hate, the anger, the bitterness and the pride. What you have left is the new truth you have written on the other sheet of paper, it is your testimonial of having fought a good fight and run with perseverance the race that was a failed relationship, a betrayal or broken trust or whatever it is you are battling.

If you still feel the urge to send an email or a text, then you can send your new truth, in doing os you do not hurt the receiver nor send them back into limbo or anything of that sort. Instead you leave them in a good place. A place where they are free to deal with their issues objectively and however that turns out is really none of your business because some people are die hards and never forgive just as much as they never forget.

However, what you would have achieved is really big. You would have aired your negative feelings and emotions, freed your self from a self-imposed prison, and self-afflicted venom that could have destroyed you. You would have earned your freedom and above all else gained closure. You will be free. Free to embrace your future and all your hopes and dreams with nothing holding you back. You would have done the right thing. You have said yes to your feelings. You have let go. You are free indeed.

None of this may make sense at first but the results are huge, if done intentionally, your heart literally feels light and you happier, and thoughts of the past and persons in question will no longer hurt, grate or embitter.

Finally, it is always good to go through the process with an experienced coach who can guide you each step of the way so you don’t find yourself back at the same spot where you began. A coach is someone you trust, someone that walks besides you and guides you without judging you. Allow yourself the freedom to drink in life in all its fullness. Release your hate and release yourself. Life awaits the free and authentic you.

Free

Strut Like A Peacock

Okay I actually mean that in a good way. I’m not saying be ostentatious, rather be self-assuring and assertive. Strut your turf. That’s what girls do; we swagger, we sashay.

 

Whereas the average individuals often have not the slightest idea, what they are, what they want or their own opinions, self-actualizing individuals have superior awareness of their own impulses, desires, opinions, and subjective reactions. — Abraham Maslow

 

So what is it you really, truly want? Are your core activities in alignment with your deepest desires? Do you know why you indulge those routines day in day out? Can you truly describe the life you would rather have? If you did, would it in anyway look like the one you’re now stuck with or forced to tolerate?

 

You’ve got to have your antennas straightened and sharpened with heightened frequencies of your identity and capabilities as the girl of the moment. You cannot afford to slack. Slackers are average. And we already agreed that average isn’t an option. You can be your best self but first you must discover who she is, what she wants and where she wants to be. Then you must be her ambassador, be her forerunner. Be the go-between. Be the intermediary between your amazing self and the world at large. Be bold. Be proud. Be assertive. Strut your stuff. Walk the room, be a shinning vision of light. Allow the world the privilege and honor of enjoying your essence as you walk these paths. Overcome the temptation to cower behind the crowd and join the flock to no-man’s-land. Stop waiting for an invitation to do the very thing that only you could possibly contribute to humanity.

 

Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. — Tao Tzu

 

We mostly take pride in predicting the world and the people around us. We like to lead conversations about tough subjects and political crises. We enjoy showing off our knowledge about mundane issues and everything else around us but once the spotlight swings our way for us to say something about ourselves, our wishes and our dreams, rather than seizing the moment to shine, we freak out and dampen it with excuses and denial. Instead of swanking, you duck. Instead of being the star of the Opera, you recline into the back seats of the theatre. Instead of brightening up the moment with the story of your milestones, you submerge it in gloom and toss the golden opportunity to another. You pass on the lamp, the genie and your three wishes. You slam the door shut on your benefactor. You are quick to embrace insignificance. You grasp tightly the delusion that says, you must never let your voice be heard, never let yourself be noticed, never embrace the spotlight when it’s your turn. You must hide, because you don’t belong in that circle. You don’t belong in that circle where you too can raise your head, smile and glide, and boldly claim your spot in the world. You cower. You recoil. You fade into the backdrop.

 

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.” ~Confucius

 

What then can one do to live dynamically and not monotonously? How will a girl find her way out of the maze or make sense of the mess she’s in. How can she possibly be aglow, it’s a dark cloud all around her. She can begin by first choosing to be happy no matter what. She can choose to laugh at her mistakes and pick herself up again. She can choose to realize that who she is, is the doorway to wonders never before known, never before heard and never before seen. She can choose to love herself. Celebrate her victories. Sing her praises. Let her hair down. Dance for joy. Laugh with abandon. She can choose to love herself. Love conquers all.

 

Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself & be good to yourself because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things. – A wise one

Strut your stuff...

Strut your stuff…