Family

A day at a time

Life is here and now
This moment
A simple thought
A fleeting whiff
The cursory glance at life’s miniature features
Cumulating details of decisions we make by failing to make any at all
A mass of mental absenteeism snowballing downhill
A stockpile of unattended facets, wilting away, abandoned, forgotten
Punctured opportunities and the gradual sipping away of essence, chance, time
Then life passes by, leaving no traces, no footprint, no memories
We become as stone, cracklings, caked by the scorching sun
Hopeless and despondent that once again we have failed to live in the present moment
Life is here and now
This very moment
A beautiful morning, a kiss, a bear hug, a tear

What truly matters in the end?

Everything…
Everything matters
Each word spoken and everything done matters
Everything left unsaid and everything left undone
Every transient thought
Every single day
All possible encounters fostered
Every single smile
The compliments paid
Every embrace felt
Every gratitude shared
Every gift given, even the tiniest handshake
Every promise made,
Every flimsy excuse
Every dream dreamed
Even the days that dragged on
And the nights that never seemed to end
The things you meant to do but never came around doing
And the one you did but never meant to
The things we should have done
The things we should have said
And the things we plan to do
The kindness we should have shown
The visit we should have made
Unwarranted procrastinations, and unredeemable opportunities, lost forever
The friend we could have been but failed to become
Family we could have had but were too proud to accept
Places we could have gone but too afraid to dream
The life we could have had but too short-sighted to believe
All of it matters in the end
Because everything is everything
The way we do one thing, is the way we do everything

An Old Proverb

My mother once shared an old Benin proverb, “You don’t dust your head until you are way out of the bush”
I wondered at the meaning then and I wonder at it even now
Because I think what she was trying to say is, take things easy
Be patient, don’t get ahead of yourself
I also think that the proverb might be talking about long-suffering
Meaning, wait out your time in the bush, soon you will be out in the clear
So I’ve been thinking about this proverb and how easy it seemed to interpret itself
But I have one question;
When are we truly out of the bush?
I mean when can we dust our head?
Is it when we come to a small clearing inside of the bush, seeing that there are bush-like experiences stretched across our lives or
Do we wait it out till we can put all the bushes behind us?
If that is the case, are we ever going to get the chance to dust our heads?
Well I guess that makes it three questions…

Little drops

It is the little things we don’t do
That cause the heartaches we don’t want
It is the little time wasted
That cause the disappointments we can’t accept
It is the little things we hold back
That cause the heartbreaks we don’t admit
It is the little things we ignore
That cause the gulf we can’t cross
It is the little things we don’t care about
That cause the loss we can’t bear
It is the little things we can’t overlook
That cause the irritations we can’t avoid
It is the little things we can’t confront
That cause the distance we didn’t intend
It is the little things we can’t let go
That cause the heaviness we can’t unburden
It is the little things we don’t tell ourselves
That cause the  regrets we can’t live with

Gratitude

Thank you for who I am
I have come to believe that I am beautiful
Bold and strong

Thank you for my problems
They have helped to toughen my gut
I realize they only last a short while

Thank you for my wins
Now I know that nothing really is beyond me
Now I can look any mountain in the face without retreat

Thank you for my family
I find that they feed me with so much hope
It is indeed a blessing not to be alone in the world

Thank you for my gifts
Life is a lot more exciting because I can make a difference
I find that no matter how old, I am daily revivified by my purpose

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE LOVES YOU IN SPITE OF IT ALL

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.”― Deb Caletti


The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable.  Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting lovable. – Mark & Angel

Today I want you to think about your life and see if there are any such people as mentioned in the quote above. Perhaps you can already count a couple and a faint smile is beginning to curve the corners of your lips.

I will like to try and bring to you attention a few people you may not consider as part of your list. Yet they are there, loving you helplessly and hopelessly. You probably don’t see them often or notice them enough to know how madly in love they are with you.

I am talking about your little niece and your little nephew, who literally worship the ground you walk on. They are hysterical and nuts whenever you are around and wont let you see the light of day because they want to tell you about the newest video game their dad has just downloaded for them.

I am talking about your loving siblings, the ones you constantly fight tooth and nail with every other week. There has never been a decent phone conversation between you guys. They are either pestering your life with their needs or with their presence. Visiting you when it is most inconvenient and you can’t wait for them to leave so you have your space back.

I am talking about your beloved dad, the one whose calls you  always avoide and the one with whom the best line of conversation was always about the stock exchange and how you won’t be staying home longer than a couple of days.

I am talking about your loving mother. The one you constantly send money to but never have any real conversation with and the only time you ring her phone is to tell her how sorry you are that you can’t be home for Christmas, yet again.

It is easy to loose sight of what matters especially when they are people very close to us, sometimes we go through many phases without speaking to members of our family. And it becomes normal because we believe the subtle lie that family is more of a burden than a joy. That family is far from perfect. Well, isn’t everyone else?

Today I want to remind you about the people who probably love you the dearest. I hope this is true for you. And if it is, begin to take deliberate action and start caring more for your family. They are the people who love you even when you aren’t lovable. Remember to return to the favor…


“I don’t care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching–they are your family.”― Jim Butcher

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14 WAYS TO NOT REGRET A THING IN YOUR LIFE

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”― Mercedes Lackey


1. Spend wisely: We each have the tendency to spend lavishly when we have money. The secret is to predetermine not to be extravagant and be prudent. No matter what is at stake, prioritize, have a weekly budget and determine to stick to it. Above all, learn to say No to sentimental triggers to spend, especially from loved ones. Delayed gratification always pay-off in the end. Tomorrow when a real need arises, they will love you more for being able to help then.

2. Save money every time you can: Money does have wings and when its gone, you can hardly account for it. Even when you can account for it, you wonder at why you had to spend so much for certain things. Discipline yourself to put money away for a long time, either true mutual funds, or with the help of a financial adviser, invest in some trusted venture. Money that isn’t stored away will be spent eventually.

3. Never have too many expectations of people or have none at all: Half of the time we are busy coloring other people all kinds of hues. And we expect them to be such and such. We expect them to speak a certain way at a certain time and when that doesn’t happen we are pissed. The only person answerable to your rules of engagement is you. Be reasonable, respect people for who they are. This is about the hardest tip on here. Still there is no harm in trying.

4. Always find a way to keep your dreams floating around you: In other to stay focused we need reminders, like a daily journal where we make notes about our daily lives; our little victories and our goals. Or a calendar or date book, where we note down all our very important to-dos or a vision board where we stick-on all kinds of pictures, notes, reminders, magazine tarots etc. Anything to remind you daily & steadily about where you are headed.

5. Have self-rule or self-government, you must have limitations of your own: We will keep tripping over ourselves if we don’t have clear cut rules and principles. If you’re not the party or the clubbing type, don’t do it because you want to make your girlfriends happy. And if you don’t enjoy going drinking alcohol or its just not ‘your thing’. Don’t do it because you suddenly realize you should live! There are many ways to catch your fun. Discover them and stick with them. There’s difference between living a lie and being adventurous. Be principled, have your point of view.

6. Always be the gracious one, be the giver: Never be the disadvantaged one. Even when you do not have the kind of money you wish to have, or are broke, jobless or sharing an apartment with a mate. Be the gracious one, the encourager, the helper, the giver, and the reasonable one. Always summon your inner power, think through your words and let your words be few. Be the sort after, the one who always knows what’s best and offers her insight with politeness.

7. Never place too much worth on things: Sometime we get too engrossed with stuff, like phones and tablets, cars, or furniture that we find ourselves lashing out heatedly at a loved one. Simply because of a scratch, crack or stain. In the end we are regretful and full of apologies and that’s if we are lucky. Sometimes we may never get the chance to take back those hurtful words no matter how sorry we are. Things can be replaced when they get shattered, but hardly can we repair the human heart once its bruised.

8. Make room for failure: It is okay to miss the target. It is okay to fall short of your deadline. It is okay to be laughed at. It is okay to be fired or jilted. It is okay to make a bluff. So long as at the end of the day, you are taking away with you, a hard learned lesson, one that would motivate to try again no matter the obstacles. Make room for tough times, they are  a part of your journey.

9. Don’t be too hard on yourself: It is good to set goals and have a calendar or timetable so long as it doesn’t become a rope around your neck. Whatever systems you put in place are to keep you motivated and on course not to sentence you and strangle you when you fall short. Stay motivated not agitated. Be easy on you, conserve your energies for greater challenges ahead.

10. Always set a goal that is bigger than you for the purpose of stretching only: When you are about to set a goal, you are usually advised to set big goals. The purpose is for you to stretch in the process of reaching that goal, not that the goal itself is an embargo on your productivity. It is not to draw blood when you don’t meet up, it is for sake of you becoming a more aware, more confident and goal oriented person. Life is about the journey no the destination.

11. Never say never to love because of heartbreak: When you shut the doors against love entirely, you put yourself susceptible to matters of the heart. You expose your life more harmful relationships more often than not because you may decide to think that so long as your heart is not involved, you are fine. The heart however is the most deceptive and slippery part of man. You cannot lie to your heart no more than you can to yourself.

12. Make it a point of duty to learn about the person you about to date: One of the easiest way to feel your beautiful life wit ‘had I knows’ & ‘If only’ is by dating someone who overpowers you by controlling you and suppressing your liberty. In most cases we are either too carried away by fluttering butterflies that we ignore all the signs. Richard Templar said, “If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, it is probably a duck.” Learn to read the handwriting on the wall.

13. Don’t be a people-pleaser: Mark & Angel hit the nail on the head when they said, “Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.” Master the art of saying No to negative people, and to negative relationships, energy drainers and haters. And guess what, you don’t have to explain yourself when you do. Just say no, end of story.

14. Everything comes to an end, stay and live in the present moment: Do not get too carried away pursuing dreams that you forget to live. A life lived with fervor and deep meaning is the one that noticed the other person’s successes and found the time to congratulate him. Live life here, and now not then and there. Live life in the present. Buy someone a gift, send a text of encouragement, return a visit, sit and genuinely catch up with loved ones. Everything that truly matters is here and now, not the past, not the future, but here and now.


“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”― Katherine Mansfield

here and now

7 Things You Should Never Compromise In Life

    “One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” ― Jeanne d’Arc


Having rule over your life is like running a personal government with your self where you determine the rules of engagement. It is important to have certain principles you live by; they are like your ‘yeses’ and they determine what the ‘NOs’ would be. They are the solid rock upon which everything else is founded, the foundation that forms the underlying basis of your entire life. They are like written codes of conduct that must never be comprised by you and neither would you give anyone the permission to question your resolve on the matter.

1.    Your Faith: Being a christian myself, faith here stands for the profession of faith in Christ as the son of God. Faith also stands for the scriptures; the prophets in the bible, the gospels, the apostles and all the ordinances by which we are expected to live by. Faith represents the life of sacrifice we are expected to emulated which was exemplified by christ in scripture. Faith represents the power of the gospel which is able to save and give eternal life. This I cannot compromise. A man’s faith has the power to direct the entire course of his life, acting ever so subtly yet powerfully.

2.    True Love: True love is perhaps the second most influential principle anyone should never trade, not for a false security, not for material gain, not for a disguised comfort. True love should be valued highly and revered. It should be believed that it exists and it should be expected to manifest come what may. It should never be relinquished neither should it be renounced. One must always believe in their ability to love and accept that they too in turn deserve to be loved.

3.    Family: Family are your first friends, first companions, first encouragers as well as first discouragers. They are your first crowd and your first judges. They are also your threshing floor and your quarry. Your true test for charity begins at home. Family should be the one place where your security is certain, where love is never lacking and where the fire should never go out especially in winter. Family is the place where you are clothed with blankets, nursed back to good health and given warm food even when you hit rock bottom. Family is the only place where you stand bare chested and walk barefooted not expecting to be stabbed or trapped. Family is the one place were our vulnerability is bare before all; where we can be loser then winner, villain and then hero. We can prodigal and then be molded into the good son. Family is our succor and our forerunner; the predecessor that prepares us for the families we will eventually raise. Never turn your back on your family, no matter what. Love never fails.

4.    Your Passion: Your passion make up the hot coals that warm your heart and brighten up your eyes. They make your hands firm and swift from continuous engagement and tough from repeated trial and error. They give life to weakened muscles and clothe your dry bones with flesh. Your passion gives your life a meaning. Like clean fresh water drawn from a deep well, your passion draws out from within you the very source of livelihood and nourishment. When you are patched and dry, your passion is a living stream watering the coarse grounds of the desert. When you are a budding garden, your passion is a living stream; like the garden of eden, the river which watered it flowed from within itself. Your passion is a gift from God, a gifting planted within you to give you both pleasure and essence, so that you can in turn give the world pleasure and essence. Never trade your passion for anything, not for gold, not for silver. There is nothing that compares to it. It is a life source, upon which many souls are dependent even yours.

5.    The Truth: What is truth? What is false? What is agreeable? What is acceptable? What is right and what is wrong? What is permissible what is resistible? Our world is gravely evolving and values and norms we once accepted as proper, like the family unit for example is daily being mutilated and subtly being relegated as secondary. While other poignant and shamed practices that we never could own up to even in the darkness of our minds are now being celebrated and tolerated in the open. Homosexuality and same sex marriages have taken center stage as a human rights attribute. It is becoming the voice of the majority to absorb a pattern simply because it is radically advancing and occupying our spaces. It is no longer a question of whether it is right or wrong. In the face of viral perversion and criminal artistry, where does your vote go? Is it secretly to endorse this merciless evil or do you vote openly to denounce it with every ounce of your sanity? The truth cannot be relative, white is never relative, it is either white or black or grey, if it isn’t white then it is black or grey. Grey can never take the place of white and call its self relative. It is either the truth or a lie. Always stand for the truth. Our future depends on it.

6.    Your Dream: Who are you and why are you here? What is your mission here on earth. Are you here as a consumer, or a servant. Are you here to satisfy your belly and be gratified alone or are you here to make a difference? What is your work and why do you do what you do? Is it just for the cheddar; why do you work so hard? Why do rise early and why do stay up late at night? What problems are you solving or what solutions are you creating? How many lives are you changing, what services are you offering? Your calling is your purpose, it is that problem you were created to fix. Who are your beneficiaries and what are your special gifts to your generation? No matter how tough it gets, never give up on your dream, never trade your calling, never shove aside the very reason of your existence.

7.    Your Time: We are all different and each one is unique in his or her own way. We are all sojourners here on earth, renting temporary time amounting to 24 hours each per day. Each day we are credited with another fresh set of 24 hours, with no carryovers from the previous day. We can neither bank or save from what we receive daily, and the only way to profit greatly from each chunk of 24 hours we are given is to invest it wisely by the way we think, what we say and what we do. Never compromise your share of eternity’s daily generous offerings. Don’t grub it up ravenously that you don’t remember what the heck you did with it. They are life seeds meant to be planted. Instead, get to work, put your seeds to the ground, to the test, and expect a good harvest.

Your beliefs are your basis, your truth, your essence, your beginning and your ending. Everything you are and will ever be rises and falls on your beliefs. Life is too short. Therefore it would be menace to live carelessly, and live our lives as we wish without caring for right or wrong, what is acceptable by one’s standard’s and what isn’t. It is only by having beliefs that each person is able to determine for himself what paths he must follow and in whose company, so that our beliefs and our principles can stand the test of time.


Never compromise your values – Steve Maraboli

Lifestory