city girl

A Pursuit of Purpose

Standing at the center of nowhere
With eyes on a target that only the mind can see
Sniffing out a lingering scent only the heart can smell
From a place the feet has never been yet the soul recognizes
A path never before traveled yet so familiar
I follow an intimate trail from my future
My senses, I find, are perfectly au courant with my trackway
Knowing where to turn and how not to swing
What bliss, even the dead-ends are a Godsend
Then the night comes, when physical sight fails me
Nevertheless, I am guarded along the path of purpose
Steadily and steadfastly, I listen for that still small voice

Gratitude

Thank you for who I am
I have come to believe that I am beautiful
Bold and strong

Thank you for my problems
They have helped to toughen my gut
I realize they only last a short while

Thank you for my wins
Now I know that nothing really is beyond me
Now I can look any mountain in the face without retreat

Thank you for my family
I find that they feed me with so much hope
It is indeed a blessing not to be alone in the world

Thank you for my gifts
Life is a lot more exciting because I can make a difference
I find that no matter how old, I am daily revivified by my purpose

Legacy

Of all the things I will like to be remembered by
Wisdom surpasses them all
An infinite flow of crystal soundness
Just a simple thought
That life is beautiful
And that it must be lived fully
With sheer wonder and with grace
That weakness is no sin
So long as it doesn’t become an excuse, cancerous
That strength isn’t redemption
Nonetheless it is a badge of honor
That true victory lies in overcoming one’s fear
Just as our true enemy isn’t the mortal next door
Rather it is a stealth darkness lurking within us
That in our greatest fear lies our greatest power
And that being our ability to not only love, but
Also be consumed by love in complete surrender
And it is this reality that weakens us
The knowledge of our inevitable vulnerability
Being our ability to surpass our humanity
A certitude that cripples us with great fear
And mangles our human capacity beyond reparation
So that rather than becoming superior beings we turn less human
We surrender to fear instead of love
We are subdued by darkness when we could be absorbed by light
Yet we are powerful beyond measure
Immortals dwelling in mortal suits
This is sound wisdom
This is what I would like to remembered by
That in the end, I overcame my fears

A Reminder

We are constantly moving from here to there
When in reality, there is really no there, only here
We seek advancement beyond limitations
Yet we find this dream unfathomable and unattainable
So we created boundaries and barriers
We tell ourselves we can’t because we cannot understand how we can
We are too consumed with our miniature natural abilities
We insistently refuse to acknowledge our unnatural origin
How can we remain in ceaseless motion
When we fail to endorse the existence of an infinite source
We fill our mouths with claims and fables
While we conceal our hearts from belief
We will now bear the reward for our short-sightedness
And embrace the illusion of a narrow-minded being
We boast of making progress from here to there
When in reality, there is really no there

Immortality

We were created to live forever
We were born to conquer the sting of death
We have the ability to extend our life span
We can thread our essence through generations
We may choose to be a swoosh in the wind, or
We can be a lasting scent that lingers through the ages
We can be a voice, shrill yet eternally familiar,
Like a whisper, or a hymn, ringing timelessly in every man’s heart
We can be a shinning light, traveling through time and space
We can dissolve into several drops pelleting mass ocean bodies, or
We can be simply, a lasting memory, passed on from generation to generation

Faith is…

It is not what we can see, it is not what we are going to see, it is what we have seen
It is not present, it isn’t what is to come, it is what has been
It is not what we will have, it is what we already have
It is not what we expect, it is what we’ve been given
It is not what we want or what we’re going to have but what we have inherited
It is not coming for us, it is not going to come to us, it is here with us
It is not how it should be, or what it should be, to put it simply, Faith is.

Does it really matter

I’m beginning to wonder about the things I expect
And all the many things I feel I deserve
How I regard them with high esteem
And then debase myself for their absence or delay
Then I read about great minds like Harriet Tubman, U.S. abolitionist
And I begin to wonder if all life is about are flimsy expectations
I ask myself if there is perhaps something different that I could do
To tilt my attention a little bit away from my selfish ambition
That maybe somehow I can allow my thoughts to be consumed by a worthy ideal
And if that happens, maybe my life will be different
Maybe the things I expect do not matter after all
Perhaps all this time I have only succeeded in losing myself in a lie
So I’m thinking about Harriet Tubman, about her bravery and her conquest
I’m thinking about the menacing risk she took and her unyielding faith
I’m thinking about the people she lead to safety following that underground railroad
And following direct messages from God,
I’m thinking about this brave heroine and I cannot help but wonder
If the superficial things that troubled me triggered her
I think that I know better than anyone what the answer is
So I’m thinking, does any of it really matter?

There has to be more

I want so much more
Still I feel that that there has to be more to it
I want to live my dream
Somehow I feel that even that isn’t enough
I want to get busy, doing the things I love
Yet even with the biggest gigs
I sense a niggling thought that I’m still not satisfied
I want to be a bird, have wings and fly
Still I ask myself, so I fly, then what next
I have this perfect picture of what I’ll like my life to be
Yet every time I look at it there is always something missing
I sense a great gulf swelling within me
And I fear that there will never be enough, for it would always want more

Where does this road lead?

I race the great expanse
A great stallion, graceful yet strong and dauntless
I can hear my heartbeat, my muscles crunching
As my hooves pound the raw earth seeking an invasion
Thirsty for blood
As I encounter the great sea
I fall to the ground writhing in great agony, my body mangles,
As my hairy skin morphs into a streamlined hairless form
And a horizon tail fin replaces my long hairy tail
I dive for the rising tides and the gulls and cormorants flee for dear life
I arrive the great mountains
And a great wave throws me on shore
I stand on two feet, a man, sturdy and muscular
I can feel the crystal pellets caressing my bulging veins
Curling my fingers into a tight fist, I race for the summit, a fastball
And in one instant, a panda, clawing the ascent, growling my triumph
The snowy peak rose against the blue of the cloudless sky
I can hear my growling echo in the distance
My heart swells within me, craving the endless expanse gaping above me
I am throw again into a tussle, and my distress is heard a thousand miles away
Humongous wings shoot out from my sides, ripping the flesh apart
A great cry splits my throat apart and an aquiline beak spirals out
As a flap my new wings the masses of shredded meat fall off unto rocky surface
With on great flap, I shoot for the blue yonder
I ascend the heavens, a great eagle
I spread my wings, I drink in the crispy sweetness
My search continues
And even though I am several light years away from earth
I think to myself, this is only the beginning

A ghost from the past

That familiar delighted cackle
That broad cheerful grin
That piercing warm gaze
That tender loving touch
That sweet fleeting promise
That callous mean rebuke
That stifled sizzling silence
That rattling unnerving scowl
That creepy dark presence
That giant intimidating ego
That inevitably sour story