choices

Everything comes around

Life in a way is like a carousel, a merry-go-round
Everything comes around,
Although it isn’t always merry in the true sense of the word
Still our circumstances are a thread of unheeded events, and unfinished businesses
And the unwanted sprouts of an unattended garden
Like a neglected wound, the pain and the resulting infection will force you to care
Like the unresolved issue that comes knocking at your door years later
It is also the beautiful reward,
Like a booming winery following the undaunted effort of grooming a vineyard
Life gives us what we put in, there are no jackpots, no lottery tickets, no shortcuts
And those who win will always begin with a mind to finish whatever comes their way
Life rewards the fearless; not the fugitive, not the deserter, or the runaway

Debutante

Anxious for vague perfection
Curious about external perception
A desire for casual compliance
The search for feigned acceptance
Concerned about lurking whispers
Enchanted by exaggerated pleasantries
Tripping to gratify luxurious tux
Rattled by devious expectations
Lost, like a pin a haystack

THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

breakups

7 Reasons Why Work Is A Girl’s Most Important Companion Not The Man

People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me. ― Princess Diana


I have a bone of contention. It is about young promising intelligent girls being eager for marriage before they even get a hang of what they are about. I think it is a big, big problem, and the consequences of this putting-the-cart-before-the-horse disease are enormous as they are poisonous and deadly.

I hear about many young women, who were once lovely innocent brides become devious wives because of this short-sightedness and miscalculation of purpose. I see others who have found themselves in marriages that became mirages overnight. I’ve seen young independent city-girls become frail, lost and confused wives.

Although a good number of marriages today have their roots solid in mutual understanding and reciprocal affirmations, there are a silent majority, in which the woman is on the receiving end of this misfortune. Where she is either deprived of work entirely, or is deprived of work that aligns with her purpose.

Below are 7 solid reasons why I believe that the first most important discovery the twenty-first century girl will ever make in her life is work and not a man.

1.    First and foremost never in human history has idleness ever being a good omen: I’ve heard of cases where a father protests the marriage of his young daughter soon after university because he feels she should enjoy her liberty a little longer in form of work or traveling before resigning herself completely to the duties of marriage. I think there is some sense in that. I know also that there are a few exceptions to the rule, but then again, this post isn’t for the exception. This post is for the girl who believes that when it comes to marriage, one can simply wing it, and that life goes on as normal, fair weather and all. And somehow expects that the man will give her what she wants. Well, that isn’t entirely true. If you are going to be happy in marriage, you will first have to be happy with work. Work gives you a sense of responsibility, improves your thinking faculties and above all keeps you busy. You are often likely to be found by your ideal man when you are busy than when you are idle. When you’re busy you have the liberty to choose and be certain of your choice because you’re not pressured. When you’re idle, you’re constantly pressured by wants and needs and your thoughts are usually one of escape other than a wise, well thought-out decision for the next level.

2.    Work that you love doing is one door away from work you were created to do: We were each created for a purpose and the earlier you discover what yours is the better and brighter your future — whether single or married. It is only when you realize that you are here for a reason that you begin to appreciate your life better. When you discover something you love, you soon begin to discover the greater potential that lies within your work and within yourself. You begin to see possibilities and life is a lot more exciting as you begin pursuing these possibilities. When you become appreciative of the life you have, you will seldom make silly mistakes like condescending to a relationship that doesn’t compliment you. The most exciting and successful relationships are usually founded on platforms of similarities where both partners enormously compliment each other mainly because they serve in the same field. Life is usually easier and sweeter when you discover a spouse in the line of duty so to speak. Allow yourself the liberty of discovering yourself first before you allow another human being into the equation. If you don not have a clue of what you are about why expect that your significant other would?

3.    When you begin to solve problems through your work, you increase your level of awareness, your worth and your relevance: Imagine that you begin to do very serious work as a youth, like running an NGO for instance. Such selfless work has tremendous spiral effect on your self-development as a person. I know a former schoolmate of mine who over 14 years ago, in her early 20s, began a health based NGO after her youth service. Today that NGO is recognized by respectable bodies such as the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and has been a succor to several communities in Northern Nigeria. She is also happily married with kids and she’s still a part and parcel of the beautiful work she founded. You can have it both ways and be happy. Well, some people will say my friend is the exception; well in this case you can aim to be that exception, you can have it both ways; you can begin a booming career, get married and continue your booming career. Yes, it is possible. I really do not see the sense in throwing away passion, and the pursuit of purpose in the name of marriage. It has caused more hearts to break than it has mended or molded any. Our life essence flows from our ability to become channels of this essence and your work, your mission in life, is one of such channels. Wake up and live! The only reason why anyone would continue to nurture a dream even after they are married is because they believe that their lives is worth much more and that there is so much more to life than a mere status.

The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. Roseanne Barr

4.    When your life is stirred by purpose, you make better choices: From the moment you begin to appreciate life as a journey of purpose and a meaningful transition you will begin to make intelligent and wise decisions. You begin to think in terms of service, and on a longterm basis than on self-gratifying short-term pleasures. You will become wiser than your peers. Your heart is set on the future and the thought of marriage and starting a family begins to flow from a place of maturity other than a place of childlike fantasy. Your years of work and experience during or after school has helped to exercise your mental muscles and toughen your emotions so you do not have a fragile grip on reality.

5.    The contentment that comes from service that gives deep fulfillment also gives you self-confidence and self-assurance: Nothing entraps a girl more than being desperate to marry. Nine out of ten she ends up with the wrong guy. Anxiety is not the place to make any kind of decision, worse still marriage decisions. You need to be exceptionally or decidedly self-assured when you about to marry and begin a new life with your partner. Otherwise you will end up with a half-baked future and a routinely sad life. On the other hand, if you would rather not be desperate or insecure at the point when you make that life-time decision of choosing a partner, you must first find deep fulfillment in yourself. One way of achieving that is by finding contentment in your life through work and service that gives you deep fulfillment.

6.     Extremely positive and evolving work exposes you to learning and growth: The process of immersing one’s self in work is a transformational procession in its own. Work exposes you to new ideas, new possibilities and new challenges. These in turn cause you to explore your mind more by thinking a lot more and a lot deeper. You begin to discover possibilities about your capabilities that you never knew existed and this improves your self-esteem. A girl who is proud of herself is a girl who doesn’t need anybody’s approval to feel good about herself. And one way to begin to appreciate your amazing self is by standing up to solve more problems and being more relevant in your field of expertise. A simply vocation as being a school teacher who loves and understands children and is well versed in the subject she teaches her pupils can expose the young teacher to greater levels of growth within a year than she could ever have imagined. The key is to desire work that you love and to evolve with your work because work that is meaningful is never static, it is always in motion. The lessons you learn along the way, when you barely have responsibilities as choking as child rearing, will come handy when you finally decide to raise a family.

7.    Once you become self-assured and self-assertive of your purpose and invaluable potentials, you will inevitably attract suitors like yourself: There is a difference between being self-assured and self-assertiveness. The first is to be confident in your abilities or character, the latter is the confident and forceful expression of oneself, views and desires. When you become these two combined, you create around yourself a force field that attracts to you, your ideal man, who is equally confident in his skin and fearless about his confidence. It takes an insecure and fearful human being to impose upon another human being and constantly bully their right to live bravely. However, a person who is self-assured and self-assertive in his or her own skin will have no reason to want to control or put out the light of the other individual. That is the kind of man you deserve and to have such a man, you must become such a person. Like attract like.

There are probably a number of girls who do not consider work a serious piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives, you don’t have to agree with their school of thought. They probably think that purpose is secondary to finding the right suitor or getting settled, you don’t have to be one of them. You can be different. You can choose to see reason with the reasons listed above and become to take your life as a single girl a lot more serious. You can love work and do work you love because now you know it is only one door away from the life you were created to live.

Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men? Barbara Streisand

barbra-streisand

THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE

    “A woman’s destiny, they say, is not fulfilled until she holds in her arms her own little book.” ― Caroline Mytinger


My mind is filled with thoughts about mothers; my mother in particular and her own little book. I have always been mesmerized and moved by the stories she has had to tell over the years and how every time there was always sometime new that was never mentioned before. There was always a new detail, a missing puzzle, a lingering piece, a new splinter among the shattered fragments.

I would listen with deep intent and absorb all the tiny detail, allowing my mind to fill in the gaps and read up meanings between the lines. I use to wonder, and still do wonder, how it is possible that one individual could ever survive the kind of history that surrounds my mum. Her little book would someday become a vital piece in my collection of aged archives and it would certainly rank the oldest and richest — a true historical monument.

I am proud of her bravery and greatly warmed by her survivalism. I am genuinely moved by her great conquests and her demonstration of an unrelenting prayerfulness and fervency. I am deeply affected by her ability to forgive and even when it was hardest for her to forget, she has found ways to remold the most gruesome of experiences into opportunities for gratitude; of having pulled through in the first place.

In her simply life, she has been daughter, niece, relative-in-law, lover, scrub nurse, dental surgeon, mother, wife, soldier, single mother, reunited as wife again, sister, friend, foe, victim, double-crossed, broken, crushed, rejected, comatose, revived, revivified, alienated, separated, widowed and more. She’s been all that and almost in that exact order. Still she remains strong, loving, forgiving, praying, believing, living and above all my loving mother.

In the midst of her pages, I find myself also collecting a chain of events, crafting my scenarios and etching out my characters. I am one way or another telling my own story, writing my own little book. And it wouldn’t be done until it becomes an exuberant piece of history for my roots and those that follow after them.

It would be the story of my life; and like a torch in the darkened ages that would follow, it will give light to those who read its contents and consider its wisdom. It would be the chronicles of a generation of brave women.

A life that is lived with fervency, and with imagination as though it were an adventure, can be no other life than that of a woman. Today as you live your life as a full grown woman, you volunteer the vocals and the dialogue, the dramatics and the theatrics. Tomorrow life will present you with a little book; something for your children, your fans, and your loved ones — the story of your life! A collector’s item about what mattered most, bound and tied together, for the people who will matter in the end.


She was sensible and clever, but eager in everything; her sorrows, her joys, could have no moderation.― Jane Austen

journal-writing

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU CHOSE

You are the colors you choose – Vicky Wall

You can blame the world all you can, or blame people for your misfortune and your seldom progress in life. Your life is what it is because you chose it. You chose your risks and your results. You chose your reactions and your actions. You selected your thoughts and you chose to dwell on them.

You are the colors you choose. If you are a dull and darkened shade of violet, it is because you chose it. If you are a splatter of primary colors on a canvass, it is so because you chose them. If you are just simply, a plain creamy colored canvass, you chose your lack of adventure and quiet mediocrity. You made the choice to not add any color to your life.

The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique. – Walt Disney

You can be a lovely hue of lilac and also not know it. You are probably engrossed being mesmerized by the stunning colors of others and busy trying to mix in shades of green, burnt orange and wine. I’m not sure what that will give you in the end. But I do know that the less you are like anyone else, the deeper your essence and the further your influence is most likely to travel.

If your life is exciting, it is because you chose. If your life is dull, it is also because you chose. Yes, there are times when you cannot control your circumstances, that is often true than not. Still I believe that you can control who you are in whatever circumstance and if that is possible, you can control what you become in the end.

You are the sum total of your thoughts, your actions and your words. And the colors you exude from within are a reflection of these three attributes. If they are in harmony, you have a work of art, however, if they are in disharmony, what you have, is chaos, a muddle, and confusion.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. – Dr. Seuss

Do you wish to discover your true colors? Do you wish to be a spectacle or would you rather make a spectacle of yourself? Perhaps the best place to begin is to realize that you are one person, that you are special, created with a special gift and for a special assignment. Begin to admire and respect who you are and believe in what you could become.

Master your strength, be acquainted with your weaknesses, and know your limitations. Let your thoughts, words and actions be in harmony always. Be willing to learn new things about yourself, embrace your awkward moments and take more risks. Begin to live life outside of your shell and make more decisions outside of the box. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be brave.

“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

Colorfaces

END THE BLAME GAME

Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
– Josiah Royce

The moment you begin to realize that truly, truly, only you are responsible for the decisions you take and the choices you make, you will cease to assign blames. You will experience many unpleasant circumstances in life, many people will take you for a ride, people you trust will let you down.

Question is who do you become in all of it? What kind of thoughts do you allow in those dreary seasons of your life? What do you begin to secretly call yourself and the people who victimize you? What kind of picture do you begin to paint of the future?

What decisions do you take then and what would be the outcome of your choices? These are deep questions calling for deep thinking; speaking of which, thinking is a chore that only you can do for yourself.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. – Will Durant

You can reel out a long tape of how ‘A’ was a bitch and how ‘C’ got away with crap. You can write a notebook full of all your sore ordeals and sour deals and attribute an entire phase of your life to someone’s inconsistencies. The ball still will remain in your court, waiting for you to call the shot.

Its like falling in love; you meet someone, you like his persona, you find that he is smooth talking and easy going, he is intelligent and very responsible or whatever. You begin to grow fond of him, and in spite of what people say, you fall in love with him and you become his woman. Now whose fault is that?

Whose fault would it be if it doesn’t work out in the end or who would be responsible if it did work out? The dating site or the matchmaker? Yeah, they probably had a hand in it, but really whose decision was it to go along with it in the first place?

It is same thing with choosing your thoughts and deciding which thought would be the dominant one. Do you lean in to regret, hate yourself for being such a fool or do you decide that the situation doesn’t have to get worse than it already is?

Do you stir-up arguments and heat up the bitching to prove a point or do you choose to loose the debate in order to save what is most important to you. Do you choose defeat for friendship sake or do you choose victory and rip apart an alliance?

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. – John F. Kennedy

Your whole life is hinged upon the choices you make daily. It is your responsibility to make exactly the right choice for you. You can ask for opinions from others, seek their counsel and crave their indulgence or whatever. After all said and done, the onus is on you to choose exactly the path you will follow and the action you will take.

Just as much as loving and dying, thinking also must be done independently and solitary. It is like molding a piece of pottery, you have all the details in your head and ll the patterns that inspire the design. Yet it is your ability to take one thought at a time while you work on that clay and the wheel, that determines the final outcome.

Choose one thought at a time, take life one day at a time. Don’t be afraid to make those choices. Even when you go wrong, realize where you missed it and choose afresh. Keep trusting your intuition and your super-consciousness to help you with the correct choice every time. You will never learn how until you try.

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. – Lorraine Hansberry

girl-closed-eyes-1

THIS IS YOUR LIFE SO DEAL WITH IT

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”  ~Confucius


You probably already know that this statement is true, that change is indisputably necessary for your growth. You may also have accepted it to be invariably correct. The only obvious reason why you may be part of the majority who seldom experience this change would be because change itself rarely comes wrapped in silk and satin.

That the preceding statement is truer is possibly the reason change is so often a discomforting and distressing process. Our default reaction to change is usually denial and resistance. The familiar is usually a safer place to be. We are often thrown into disquieting and sometimes traumatic circumstances by life itself.

The purpose is to cause us to shift in our thinking by constantly making us vulnerable because it is only in vulnerability that we are pliable and able to learn; take a new form of being and adapt a new form of thinking. It a process quite similar to smelting iron, it is only in extremely heated conditions that iron can be fabricated into a new shape and form.

And as humans we are frequently set in our ways, easily adaptable to conditions and easily comfortable. Life never proposes change to you upfront, it knows you will fight it and by all means find ways to avoid it. Hence why the presentation comes through difficult circumstances and complications. The essence is to make you vulnerable, learn a new lesson, have a new perspective.

These altering processes are ongoing throughout our lives. We are subject to change whether we like it or not and it is expected that we become stronger, better, and bigger inside. And the degree of strength we muster is determined by the degree to which we allow the difficulty to make us malleable and pliable. In other to become strong, we must first become weak.

If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself, there you have remained.  
Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing.  
~Saint Augustine

It is true that life does have the power and authority to throw you into circumstances meant to change you but it can only go so far, the choice to change however must come from you. You are the person responsible for that part of the negotiation. It is left to you to become vulnerable or be resistant.

The difference between the one who becomes vulnerable towards change and the one who isn’t is this; one changes for good and the other gets worse. Its like the desert storm, the same storm that blinds the eye shapes rough stones into finer pebbles. Like the quarry, some rocks appear jagged and others even better refined. Like the refiners fire, from it materializes both pleasant and grotesque pieces.

The state of your mind is your most precious asset when it comes to confronting life’s most difficult circumstances. If you can protect your mind from being poisoned then you will be fine. If you can protect your mind from being injected with blame, and with regret and guilt, you will do well.

The trick is to believe that everything good that comes to us never always come as expected, sometimes it is a rose bush. One that requires your vigilance and a cautious tactic. You can decide to end up with a vase of roses or with several scars inflicted by the thorns.

It is a matter of perspective. What do you see, what do you expect? Our actions or reactions are predetermined by our perception about the circumstance at hand. Do we want more, do we hope to be better, do we believe that our lives can be  more sensible? Then change is inevitable. It must also be desired and expected. It is meant to be embraced not negated.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know it’s me.  
~Author Unknown

Wherever you find yourself in life, and whatever you become, never be misled to think that something strange is happening to you that you begin the grisly task of wanting to change things up and cheat the law of nature. Choose to be the butterfly, endure your process, knowing the end is a splash of colors and beauty. Difficult circumstances are perhaps the biggest puzzles in life and even though they always  seem to solve themselves in the end, they never truly make sense until you have crossed that bridge and then from hindsight begin to connect the dots.

So when things go wrong, instead of fighting the elements and inflicting more pain and sorrow on yourself, accept what is and keep walking, keep advancing, only don’t give in. It is not a time to blame or point fingers or be embittered. While in that maze, realize that in order to get out of it, you must be fully centered and focused on getting out first, then the rest will take care of it self.

You will be wise to come to the conclusion everything time you find yourself in a difficult situation that ‘you‘ are the center of attraction, you only, and not the other obnoxious individuals that have affected you negatively. You are the one in the mess and you are the one who needs to get out. It is also your responsibility to get yourself out not someone else’s. You are the subject and you are the object. You are the writer, and it is your decision to be either protagonist or villain. This your life so deal with it.

 

butterfly-girl

 

 

 

 

 

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOOK AWAY TO STAY FOCUSED

STAY HUNGRY. STAY FOOLISH – Steve Jobs


I made a major shift recently in my life that probably confused a handful of people and a few of my friends. I realized that I was constantly stressed, repeatedly drained and overly busy doing a lot of stuff in pursuit of my goals. I was stretched in so many directions trying to build my PR business, grow my clientele, and pursue my passion as a writer at the same time.

My emotions were stretched thin and so was my perseverance, especially because living a city like Lagos, (the busiest, craziest and the most insanely bustling city in Nigeria) you are forced to contend with many oppositions; its dynamic and infuriated demography, the mad rush and the endemic competitive residents. It can be crazy. It is crazy. And commuting within the city was one of my most dreaded ventures. It was hostile and it sucked out the very life out of you.

I knew I needed to take a break, a breather, something, anything to transfuse the life back into me. So I made major decisions, I dropped everything as in everything. And disappeared. LOL. Yeah, that was what I did. I had to find my Mojo, get back my zip and my tang. I had to revive those dead cells, regenerate the very tissues that gave me my uniqueness, so I did what only me was known to do at the very odd times and the very unexpected moments. I shifted.

My friends thought, “Oh dear, here she goes again.” My new acquaintances thought, “What the hell is wrong with her, is she okay?” My family members, didn’t understand it but supported me all the same. They give me that look that says, “hey babe, we don’t know what the hell you’re about right now but we can tell its going to be gorgeous.”

Before I dropped everything and disappeared, everything weirdly, seemed to be working out. I’d just closed two fabulous deals that seemed like the bomb. They were the bomb. And the clients were nothing short of extraordinary, breathtaking and awesome. They were the kind of people you wanted to spend your lunch time with everyday and in every way. Two stunning and spectacular female entrepreneurs who called the shots in their fields.

Still I dropped it all and disappeared. Why? Something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t in place. Everything wasn’t in place even though everything seemed to workout. I wasn’t in place. I was out of focus. And if you’re into filmmaking, you’ll know that isn’t right. I’m the movie star here. I’m the protagonist. I’m the life of the party. Why should I be out of focus, be the blur? I was off balance. I was tilting to the edge, about to fall off.

That certainly wasn’t right. So in order to get it all back together, to stand still, erect and solid, I had to take my eyes off the chaos in spite of the spotted fabulosity. I had to look away to set my eyes on what was most important and most crucial — me. I had to get back to center. Take my eyes off the exterior and place it on the interior.

Oh, and its been amazing. My muscles are healing, stretching and growing. And this blog happens to be the first fruits of that transformation. I have found my voice and I am building my tribe. It is so easy and insanely fulfilling, I can hardly contain myself. I mean I am so in touch with my inner self, and alive like never before, I am awed by my own growth.

My coach always told me that the inner growth was the most crucial and the most important. Everything else springs from your inner growth. She gave an illustration with workouts; when you workout, you are advised to do it every other day because the space in between is when your muscles heal and grow. Growth happens in silence and quite. You only have to believe, and find the courage to take your eyes off whats weighing you to find what will reenergize you.

It’s never easy to leave the familiar and chase after the unknown. It is perhaps the scariest thing you will ever do. Yet it promises to be good — in the long run. That is where staying focused comes in. Once you find your center, stay on it. Once you find what you love, stay with it. Once you find your silence, never comprise it. Once you take your eyes off the distracting exterior, keep your eyes on your internal core. Let everything else flow from your epicenter.

Stay on that goal, water that seed, and keep watering it, never mind that the shoots take forever to sprout. The seed itself needs to draw from the earth, its nutrients, the sunlight, and the water you give it and these take a significant amount of time. Your seed needs sometime to announce its potential to the universe in order to draw just what it needs for its development, and trust me that doesn’t happen in one day, or one month. It could take years. (More about the seed soon)

So, like my role model, Steve Jobs said, stay foolish — disappear if you have to but find your Mojo, stay hungry — keep chasing after the unknown. You can hardly go wrong. You cannot connect the dots now, I hardly can myself. Still, I’m certain that in a few years from now, I would be most grateful to God, that I made that shift when I did. Stay foolish — you will be misunderstood sometimes, but stay focused. Welcome to August!

Desert girl

 

10 WEIRD HABITS OF SUCCESS GURUS WORTH LEARNING

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”― Mahatma Gandhi


1. Weird moments of solitude, staring into nothing
Have you ever tried thinking of all the bits of information that your brain has to analyze, ignore, memorize and retain? Hold that thought. Now think of these gurus and all the handwork they put into their businesses, lifestyles, relationships, managing their staff, clientele base, and the ever evolving big idea, finding a balance between them and making loads of cash at the same time. Cool. Now imagine the ginormous amount of information they have to analyze, ignore, memorize and retain? Seriously, for the success guru, silence is paramount. Moments when the mind is free from thinking and free from thinking about thinking are highly essential to anyone who’s going to make a difference in his sphere of influence. Silence will recharge your energy while your body and mind is at rest. One of the secrets of silence; finding some quiet and sitting in a complete hushed state, is that it boosts creativity. And creativity requires solitude. If you are having major blocks in your creative work as an artist or entrepreneur, or even as a stay-at-home mum, you should try silence; find a quiet spot and sit still for just 10 minutes, try it once a day everyday, and watch how the magic unfolds inner peace, clarity, creativity and self-discovery into your life.

2. Weird long hours writing and writing, stacking piles of notebooks
The journal. I think I might do a separate piece on the power of the journal soon. Perhaps next month in August. There is power in writing your thoughts, your goals, your dreams, your aspirations, your challenges and how you tackled them, your intentions and how the miracles that follow, your big idea and its exponential potential, your growth, your journey, your little victories, your gratitude. The list is endless. Only write. Great successes of history can attest to having stacks and stacks of notebooks about their dreams and then in turn, show you how those dreams have unfolded. A friend of mine, a politician and entrepreneur, who encourages me to keep writing, once said to me; whatever you do not write does not exist. Likewise, I say to you, whatever your dreams or your desires, or your hopes or your visions, even your little victories (the ones you so often ignore), unless you write them down, they do not exist. Writing down your goals among other things, gives you power. It is you reinforcing your voice, and your voice is your power. So begin today, get a notebook.

3.Weird moments of asking questions, inquiring
They are always curious. The desire to want to know, to understand, to seek out, to discover, to uncover, to find out, to grasp, to unearth, to comprehend is never ending for the one who will make it big even for the one who already has. The law of Curiosity by John C. Maxwell explains; Growth begins by asking why? Solutions come only to those who ask why? Great inventions happened to great inventors because they asked why? The secret to your success or  to greater success for you may actual lie in you becoming a complete nuisance so to speak, asking too many questions at a conference and becoming a pain in the ass. So long as you do it with the intention to learn more, know more, understand better and solve more problems. And guess what, the more problems you solve, the more success you attract. Good luck with getting more curious.

4. Weird quiet moments of observation
They have their eyes open at all times. They study everything and anything that is within the sphere of their vision. They are good at studying human behavior. They can look you over and in a moment and read you like a book. This quality gives them the edge in almost everything they do, from hiring the right staff to choosing a business partner. They read the small prints and are always reading between the lines. Nothing goes unnoticed. Therefore nothing takes them by surprise. They possess the characteristics of the lion and the lamb. They play the fool long enough to glean off as much as they need, then they crouch like the lion waiting to pounce on the next opportunity. Understand that you do no know everything and sometimes situation warrants, you learn by just watching, observing and absorbing, without speaking a single word. Make mental notes of your observations and then go back to the drawing board. Curiosity in asking why is awesome but asking in order to learn, isn’t always about speaking, it can be observing too. It pays to know what scenarios to apply either of both qualities.

5. Weird dietary routines and workout routines
They are ‘keep fit’ freaks. I guess they realize that they need to stay alive and healthy to make any difference in the world and the higher they go the more disciplined they get with what they eat, how they eat and the more concerned they are about how they look. In spite of their busy schedules they get to workout and go for frequent checkups with the doctor. Something Brian Tracy said come to mind; in life, the moment who make money, you begin to think less about money and start to spend your time doing other things that are most important. True. You begin to think about  family time more, your health and your well being and other pleasures of life. Money becomes the least of your concerns. On the contrary, if you haven’t made any money, it is all you think about.  Working out and eating right may be the last things on your to-do-list. We will do well though, to start taking our health and physical fitness a lot more serious and not wait till the time is perfect.

6. Weird obsessions about punctuality
I learned quiet recently that one can never go wrong with punctuality. It says too much about you when you’re late to an important appointment. Note the word, important. If you’re late then it probably wasn’t important after all. And worst still if the important meeting was with an important figure. I also learnt a new line of wisdom that goes thus; everything is everything. They way you do anything is the way you do everything. So you see why arriving late all the time tells so much about you. Sometimes you seem to just do things and barely think through your actions, meanwhile, someone somewhere is watching and writing a new chapter about you everyday by simply observing you and the things you do.  When people say no to you, think it through, what are they seeing? Likewise when they yes, what could you be doing right?

7. Weird simple appearances at social gatherings
My coach once said to me, when you go to a gathering, the person who is overly dressed is probably the poorest person in the room. Appearance is everything. This doesn’t mean you go everywhere looking anyhow and untidy. Sometimes people feel that caring less about their appearance is part of humility or it is their way of saying to the world, ‘I have better things on my mind’. Not a good idea. Appearance speaks volumes. And as humans we are usually ruthless with the rule called first impression. We can glance an individual over and decide what or how to feel about that person without even hearing them speak in the first instance. And our perception about that person is immediately colored forever by that initial judgement. The key is too always look good, look your best but don’t over do it. Over doing it is a hint on low self-esteem. Be big on the inside. Be confident and be awesome and you will be just fine. Most times, what is usually perceived is your aura not the clothing. When you have a strong positive aura, the clothing becomes of less importance.

8. Weird intense concentration when listening to anything
You can be talking trash and have the full attention of the big guns. It only means you will never fool them into bearing your company again. They listen to every thing said and unsaid. They are concerned more about what you are not saying with your mouth; what your body language seems to be bawling. Now imagine if you were talking sense, and you had the full hearing of the senator. Be sure to get invited for dinner, or expect a phone call from his secretary. Even if you don’t know what the hell you where saying , you must have said something right. Another trick is to keep silent if you have nothing to say. Silence is powerful and it takes a lot of character to stay quiet in a rowdy conversation where everyone seems to have something to say. Your silence soon presents you with an open mic and a platform in no time. Apart from loving wise words bold presentations, successful folks also know how to spot the quiet one who has chosen to remain confident in his non-vocal state.

9. Weird moments of silence when having a conversation, and fewer words
When speaking to someone of great importance, and he or she tends to respond with long moments of silence, don’t get uncomfortable and fill in all the gaps with gibberish. Just be silent in return. Especially if you have noting to say. Your quiet steadiness will, more often than not, pass off as confidence rather than stupid. Trying to fill in the gaps of silence will indicate restlessness or insecurity and a low self-esteem. Be still in your skin and you will be respected for surviving the steady gaze of the observing guru. Make it your turn to learn through observation as well. And when asked a question, try to make your responses as brief and detailed as you can. Remember to be honest too. You never know what they know. Don’t shoot yourself in the leg.

10. Weird humongous collection of books, always reading and reading
They never stop learning. Period. The moment you begin to think you have arrived you begin to diminish in value. Knowledge is inexhaustible and so is wisdom. There can never be enough of both. Like the proverbial saying of King Solomon; Of making many books there is no end, and too much study wearies the body. Humans will always continue to learn and want more information. It is the only way we can grow. Growth on the inside is the growth that is most important. Expand your mind, expand your horizon. Choose to improve daily. Begin with a book a month and then increase your speed. What qualifies a person as wise? Wisdom. Knowing. Understanding. It comes form reading, asking why, and observing. There is some much you do not know and so much you will never learn until you pick up a book and read.

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”― Dr. Seuss

I’m often told by my coach that the secret to success is so simple, that many people pass it off as ineffective and inefficient. That is why only few people are truly successful and wealthy. Like reading books for instance, or listening to audio programs. Don’t expect your 20 something or 30 something year old minds to suddenly want to turn around and begin to read a book or workout every week. It takes persistence to teach your already set mind to begin imbibing a new way of doing things. That is where the handwork comes in — persistence.

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