The power of choice

14 WAYS TO NOT REGRET A THING IN YOUR LIFE

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”― Mercedes Lackey


1. Spend wisely: We each have the tendency to spend lavishly when we have money. The secret is to predetermine not to be extravagant and be prudent. No matter what is at stake, prioritize, have a weekly budget and determine to stick to it. Above all, learn to say No to sentimental triggers to spend, especially from loved ones. Delayed gratification always pay-off in the end. Tomorrow when a real need arises, they will love you more for being able to help then.

2. Save money every time you can: Money does have wings and when its gone, you can hardly account for it. Even when you can account for it, you wonder at why you had to spend so much for certain things. Discipline yourself to put money away for a long time, either true mutual funds, or with the help of a financial adviser, invest in some trusted venture. Money that isn’t stored away will be spent eventually.

3. Never have too many expectations of people or have none at all: Half of the time we are busy coloring other people all kinds of hues. And we expect them to be such and such. We expect them to speak a certain way at a certain time and when that doesn’t happen we are pissed. The only person answerable to your rules of engagement is you. Be reasonable, respect people for who they are. This is about the hardest tip on here. Still there is no harm in trying.

4. Always find a way to keep your dreams floating around you: In other to stay focused we need reminders, like a daily journal where we make notes about our daily lives; our little victories and our goals. Or a calendar or date book, where we note down all our very important to-dos or a vision board where we stick-on all kinds of pictures, notes, reminders, magazine tarots etc. Anything to remind you daily & steadily about where you are headed.

5. Have self-rule or self-government, you must have limitations of your own: We will keep tripping over ourselves if we don’t have clear cut rules and principles. If you’re not the party or the clubbing type, don’t do it because you want to make your girlfriends happy. And if you don’t enjoy going drinking alcohol or its just not ‘your thing’. Don’t do it because you suddenly realize you should live! There are many ways to catch your fun. Discover them and stick with them. There’s difference between living a lie and being adventurous. Be principled, have your point of view.

6. Always be the gracious one, be the giver: Never be the disadvantaged one. Even when you do not have the kind of money you wish to have, or are broke, jobless or sharing an apartment with a mate. Be the gracious one, the encourager, the helper, the giver, and the reasonable one. Always summon your inner power, think through your words and let your words be few. Be the sort after, the one who always knows what’s best and offers her insight with politeness.

7. Never place too much worth on things: Sometime we get too engrossed with stuff, like phones and tablets, cars, or furniture that we find ourselves lashing out heatedly at a loved one. Simply because of a scratch, crack or stain. In the end we are regretful and full of apologies and that’s if we are lucky. Sometimes we may never get the chance to take back those hurtful words no matter how sorry we are. Things can be replaced when they get shattered, but hardly can we repair the human heart once its bruised.

8. Make room for failure: It is okay to miss the target. It is okay to fall short of your deadline. It is okay to be laughed at. It is okay to be fired or jilted. It is okay to make a bluff. So long as at the end of the day, you are taking away with you, a hard learned lesson, one that would motivate to try again no matter the obstacles. Make room for tough times, they are  a part of your journey.

9. Don’t be too hard on yourself: It is good to set goals and have a calendar or timetable so long as it doesn’t become a rope around your neck. Whatever systems you put in place are to keep you motivated and on course not to sentence you and strangle you when you fall short. Stay motivated not agitated. Be easy on you, conserve your energies for greater challenges ahead.

10. Always set a goal that is bigger than you for the purpose of stretching only: When you are about to set a goal, you are usually advised to set big goals. The purpose is for you to stretch in the process of reaching that goal, not that the goal itself is an embargo on your productivity. It is not to draw blood when you don’t meet up, it is for sake of you becoming a more aware, more confident and goal oriented person. Life is about the journey no the destination.

11. Never say never to love because of heartbreak: When you shut the doors against love entirely, you put yourself susceptible to matters of the heart. You expose your life more harmful relationships more often than not because you may decide to think that so long as your heart is not involved, you are fine. The heart however is the most deceptive and slippery part of man. You cannot lie to your heart no more than you can to yourself.

12. Make it a point of duty to learn about the person you about to date: One of the easiest way to feel your beautiful life wit ‘had I knows’ & ‘If only’ is by dating someone who overpowers you by controlling you and suppressing your liberty. In most cases we are either too carried away by fluttering butterflies that we ignore all the signs. Richard Templar said, “If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, it is probably a duck.” Learn to read the handwriting on the wall.

13. Don’t be a people-pleaser: Mark & Angel hit the nail on the head when they said, “Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.” Master the art of saying No to negative people, and to negative relationships, energy drainers and haters. And guess what, you don’t have to explain yourself when you do. Just say no, end of story.

14. Everything comes to an end, stay and live in the present moment: Do not get too carried away pursuing dreams that you forget to live. A life lived with fervor and deep meaning is the one that noticed the other person’s successes and found the time to congratulate him. Live life here, and now not then and there. Live life in the present. Buy someone a gift, send a text of encouragement, return a visit, sit and genuinely catch up with loved ones. Everything that truly matters is here and now, not the past, not the future, but here and now.


“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”― Katherine Mansfield

here and now

LIFE IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

Change is inevitable but personal growth is a choice – Bob Proctor


I will like to share something about time and growth that I’ve come to appreciate very much. Let’s say you are a frequent visitor of this blog and overtime you read something new, you consciously take something away. Let’s assume that before now, you rarely gave much to thought to the choices you are making and or how you spend your time.

Let’s also assume that even though you have heard severally about goal setting you have never really seen any through and quite sincerely, have never truly had goals before.

Then you begin a journey toward a worthy ideal; you say to yourself, oh, I’m going to put these things I’m learning to the test. I am going to set a goal for myself, along side that, I will also begin to take my choices and decision making a lot more seriously. I will also begin to stay conscious of time and cherish my time more.

Next you get a journal and begin to write down your goals, you big idea, and basically begin to take account of your little victories. You begin to practice saying No to anyone or anything that doesn’t align with your you or your goal.

You also begin to take more risk like you’ve never attempted before, you attend those nerve-racking events where you are required to walk the room, make new acquaintances or talk about your business in the speed networking segment.

You take the leap and even though you are a nervous wreck inside, you put on your best smile and adorn your best colors, inside and outside. You slowly begin to grow a new circle of acquaintances, friends and business pals. You develop a new interest in books and self-development materials by gurus like John C. Maxwell & Brian Tracy.

Slowly but steadily you realize that many of your dreams which you once relegated as mere fantasies or have completely forgotten about begin to resurface in your mind. You are stirred up by a new enthusiasm. Your life has a new zip to it and you suddenly know what it is you want out of life and how you want to go about this new goal of yours.

The picture gets clearer and less blurrier by the day. You fill up one journal, then another. You find that your once very shy and introverted self has now become the life of every social gathering you find yourself. You find yourself taking the grand stage and carrying others along.

You are embracing your new intentions, to be focused and goal, to be clear in your choices, to take charge of your life, to appreciate and utilize your opportunities, to associate with people who grow you, to invest your time wisely and staying happy in spite of the odds.

Then one day, from the blue, you meet an old acquaintance and you guys have lunch, then she says to you, whoa, you are so different, I almost didn’t recognize you when I saw you, and now I can hardly believe you are the same person I’ve been talking  with all afternoon. You are different. There is something new and fresh about you.

The following week, your old acquaintance refers you to a top organization who in turn call you up for an interview for one of their top management positions. You go and you’re taken. You begin and your finance is transformed almost immediately. You take a look at your journal and you realize that you have not only exceeded a your 12 month goal in six months, you have also begun ticking off the 2 year goals.

You sit back and you wonder when and how you got there. You try to understand what it was you did differently, you reflect on the events of synchronicities and think to yourself that each of the steps you have taken weren’t exactly rocket science. Which is true; it only took a little shift of your mind and attention to make the huge difference.

It also didn’t happen overnight. You remember quite vividly it was about two birthdays ago that you made a true resolution to change your life and begin to apply the tips you read on my blog. You smile and decidedly concluded that they work after all. That one can begin to make a difference in their lives if they decided to.

You can tell just by looking at your life. You cannot explain how it happened, but you can tell for yourself that your life is different. That is the thing about time  I thought you should know.

Though this is only a theoretical example, you can decide that this could be your story. You can begin to take your life more seriously and apply the things you read here to your life. Start here, start now. Persistence + Consistency + Time = successful results.


 

  “The body grows slowly and steadily but the soul grows by leaps and bounds. It may come to its full stature in an hour.” ― L.M. Montgomery

Success is time

Rachel McAdams in movie – Morning Glory… One of my favs about believing in dreams!!

 

THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

breakups

JUST SAY NO. END OF STORY.

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” – Paulo Coelilo

I can bet that there are a ton of ladies who can identify with the negative of that statement. Me inclusive. There are more women suffering guilty and self-deprecating thoughts of always wanting to please others other than ourselves.

So that we find ourselves in gatherings, parties or other engagements that do not align with us and we end up feeling sorry for ourselves by the time its over or we regret the things we should have done but didn’t do because we had to go somewhere with someone we couldn’t say no to.

We gradually watch our lives diminish with very little confidence and gut because we are constantly blaming someone for the opportunities we missed and the chance we didn’t take.

It is a compulsive subconscious urge to self-reproach, one of self-betrayal. We make it look like we are completely helpless, that we are stuck with these people who constantly drain us and demean us.

What we must realize however, is that as long as we keep allowing these negative influences into our lives, we will keep losing grip of our ability to take hold of the reins and choose our own path.

No one has the power to make you feel inferior unless you give them the permission. When you constantly say ‘no’ to yourself and your inner truth, you give other people the permission to ruin your plans and inadvertently your life.

It is only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important. – SPJ 1955-2011

It is okay to say no. So long as you are not saying no to your priorities, your plans, your potential and your peace of mind. As far as you are not saying no to your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your dignity, you are free to say ‘no’ to anything or anyone that volunteers otherwise.

People most of the time are not clear themselves about what they want or where they want to be so in the bid to get approval, they try to rope others into their plans and mostly they will prey on the persons they consider to be weak-willed or not having a mind of their own. They will prey on the impressionable and the wimpish but this doesn’t have to be you.

At any given moment, you have the power to say, ‘this is not how the story is going to end’. – Unknown

Decide that you will take charge of your life and that you will begin to say yes to your own priorities and values, to your own sanity and your liberty. The more you say yes to your inner truth the clearer you become about the things and or persons that do not compliment your authentic self.

You become bolder at ‘saying no’ to time wasters and busy-bodies and to negative minded people who once preyed on your ignorance. Now you know better and you don’t have to worry your head over who is upset or offended by your ‘NOs’; that becomes the least of your problems.

At every given point in time make sure you are ‘saying yes’ to yourself and ‘saying no’ to insecurity, low self-esteem and self-deprecation. Do not cower for fear of being perceived as mean or insolent either. As a matter of fact you are better off because you now see clearly, and can distinctly identify the people who need your attention, love and affection.

From now on, whenever you are faced with a situation requiring your decision or commitment and you can tell deep down that it doesn’t look like an explicit ‘yes’, just say no, end of story. Try it today; knowledge does not apply itself, we learn by doing. Begin to say No!

“If it’s not an Absolute Yes, it’s a NO.” – Cheryl Richardson

YES_NO_MAYBE

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU CHOSE

You are the colors you choose – Vicky Wall

You can blame the world all you can, or blame people for your misfortune and your seldom progress in life. Your life is what it is because you chose it. You chose your risks and your results. You chose your reactions and your actions. You selected your thoughts and you chose to dwell on them.

You are the colors you choose. If you are a dull and darkened shade of violet, it is because you chose it. If you are a splatter of primary colors on a canvass, it is so because you chose them. If you are just simply, a plain creamy colored canvass, you chose your lack of adventure and quiet mediocrity. You made the choice to not add any color to your life.

The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique. – Walt Disney

You can be a lovely hue of lilac and also not know it. You are probably engrossed being mesmerized by the stunning colors of others and busy trying to mix in shades of green, burnt orange and wine. I’m not sure what that will give you in the end. But I do know that the less you are like anyone else, the deeper your essence and the further your influence is most likely to travel.

If your life is exciting, it is because you chose. If your life is dull, it is also because you chose. Yes, there are times when you cannot control your circumstances, that is often true than not. Still I believe that you can control who you are in whatever circumstance and if that is possible, you can control what you become in the end.

You are the sum total of your thoughts, your actions and your words. And the colors you exude from within are a reflection of these three attributes. If they are in harmony, you have a work of art, however, if they are in disharmony, what you have, is chaos, a muddle, and confusion.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. – Dr. Seuss

Do you wish to discover your true colors? Do you wish to be a spectacle or would you rather make a spectacle of yourself? Perhaps the best place to begin is to realize that you are one person, that you are special, created with a special gift and for a special assignment. Begin to admire and respect who you are and believe in what you could become.

Master your strength, be acquainted with your weaknesses, and know your limitations. Let your thoughts, words and actions be in harmony always. Be willing to learn new things about yourself, embrace your awkward moments and take more risks. Begin to live life outside of your shell and make more decisions outside of the box. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be brave.

“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

Colorfaces

DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

“That is the one unforgivable sin in any society. Be different and be damned!” ― Margaret Mitchell

There is a huge difference between being different and being a complete nuisance or a mine field. In my opinion, deciding to be different isn’t synonymous to insanity or to being a miscreant in society. Rather it is a call to a higher responsibility, a call to be unique, a call to stay true to what makes you special; that dream and that idea so rare that would make a difference.

The temptation usually is to follow the crowd, or to please the crowd, and to choose to be something familiar rather than be relevant. Do not suppress the urge to modify, alter, refashion or revamp the big idea. Change is the only constant thing. We evolve daily in our thinking and so does the world, progressing and metamorphosing along its course.

The danger here is to remain stagnant, resistant, and impervious to this apparent ongoing transformation for fear of general opinion. In order to have great impact, or make a huge difference, one must be willing to stand aloof from criticism and general back-lashing.

With great vision comes great risk and any dream that has ever stood the test of time is the one that wasn’t afraid of its eccentricity. Neither did it mind being the odd one out at any one point in time. As school dropouts, Steve Jobs and Bill gates weren’t exactly the norm of the day, they were the weird ones. They were different but look what that difference has birthed!

How about ‘The lady with the lamp’, Florence Nightingale, daring to care for soldiers during the Crimean war? And who in the process founded modern nursing. She dared to be different in spite of opposition she suffered from her family and the restrictive social code for affluent young English women.

She even rejected married, something a young girl in her time wouldn’t dare because in those days, women of Nightingale’s class did not attend universities and did not pursue professional careers; their purpose in life was to marry and bear children. She however was convinced that marriage would interfere with her ability to follow her calling to nursing. Her sacrifice paid off in the end but I doubt the process was a pleasant one to endure.

Learn to trust your instincts and the solutions you are creating for your generation. Have foresight, see beyond the supposed damnation that says your dream is impractical or unfeasible. Believe in what you can see within, give it time too and at the right moment, it will become exactly what it was meant to be — a miracle.

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.” ― G.K. Chesterton

Florence Nightingale

END THE BLAME GAME

Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
– Josiah Royce

The moment you begin to realize that truly, truly, only you are responsible for the decisions you take and the choices you make, you will cease to assign blames. You will experience many unpleasant circumstances in life, many people will take you for a ride, people you trust will let you down.

Question is who do you become in all of it? What kind of thoughts do you allow in those dreary seasons of your life? What do you begin to secretly call yourself and the people who victimize you? What kind of picture do you begin to paint of the future?

What decisions do you take then and what would be the outcome of your choices? These are deep questions calling for deep thinking; speaking of which, thinking is a chore that only you can do for yourself.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. – Will Durant

You can reel out a long tape of how ‘A’ was a bitch and how ‘C’ got away with crap. You can write a notebook full of all your sore ordeals and sour deals and attribute an entire phase of your life to someone’s inconsistencies. The ball still will remain in your court, waiting for you to call the shot.

Its like falling in love; you meet someone, you like his persona, you find that he is smooth talking and easy going, he is intelligent and very responsible or whatever. You begin to grow fond of him, and in spite of what people say, you fall in love with him and you become his woman. Now whose fault is that?

Whose fault would it be if it doesn’t work out in the end or who would be responsible if it did work out? The dating site or the matchmaker? Yeah, they probably had a hand in it, but really whose decision was it to go along with it in the first place?

It is same thing with choosing your thoughts and deciding which thought would be the dominant one. Do you lean in to regret, hate yourself for being such a fool or do you decide that the situation doesn’t have to get worse than it already is?

Do you stir-up arguments and heat up the bitching to prove a point or do you choose to loose the debate in order to save what is most important to you. Do you choose defeat for friendship sake or do you choose victory and rip apart an alliance?

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. – John F. Kennedy

Your whole life is hinged upon the choices you make daily. It is your responsibility to make exactly the right choice for you. You can ask for opinions from others, seek their counsel and crave their indulgence or whatever. After all said and done, the onus is on you to choose exactly the path you will follow and the action you will take.

Just as much as loving and dying, thinking also must be done independently and solitary. It is like molding a piece of pottery, you have all the details in your head and ll the patterns that inspire the design. Yet it is your ability to take one thought at a time while you work on that clay and the wheel, that determines the final outcome.

Choose one thought at a time, take life one day at a time. Don’t be afraid to make those choices. Even when you go wrong, realize where you missed it and choose afresh. Keep trusting your intuition and your super-consciousness to help you with the correct choice every time. You will never learn how until you try.

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. – Lorraine Hansberry

girl-closed-eyes-1

A WORD FOR THE WISE, A KIND WORD FROM MOI

“Promise Yourself”

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson

Life is beautiful

BEAUTIFUL IMPERFECTION

Broken but together, cracked but not falling apart, bitter but sweet, shaken but at peace


I am broken inside
I have survived a great crash, yet again
I have been thrown hard against the tides
I have been struck by lighting
I have been smashed against the rocks
I have been swept ashore
I am many pieces, about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am fractured all over
I am scorched by sun, day in day out
I am frozen by night
I am constantly tauten in every instance
I am stretched thin
I am made to shrink, yet again
I am a victim of my aspirations
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir,

I am a vase of tulips and gall flies
I am the honeybee and the honey
I bear in my body bitter experiences, then again,
I bear in my mind sweet memories,
I am the lovely daisy,
I am alive by day and asleep at night
I am a product of two worlds
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

I live in the center of insanity
I am swung north and then south
I travel through a rickety terrain
I bob along with the rapid bumps and jolts
I navigate chaotic cities and its mindless citizens in my stride
I harvest a speck of sense from their mindless babble
I am shaken about and without
Still I remain single, assembled, afire, astir

imperfectns

WAKE UP AND LIVE

It’s not about attaining your dream, it’s growing stronger through the challenges of attaining your dream and who you become through that journey

Have you ever wondered why it is often said that you are your greatest opposition and your greatest enemy? Why it is strongly believed that the most important battles in life are the battles of the mind? Why no matter what happens unless you believe in yourself very little can come out of your seemingly great efforts? Why you are constantly asked to dress the part. It is because, even though you embody this great dream or idea, you are more important than the dream or goal or idea, whatever it may be.

Often times we put too much emphasis on what we want to get, what we want to achieve and then we neglect what is most important which is, getting there. We neglect that bridge that connects us from ‘here’ to ‘there’. We forget that our ‘here’ is of as much significance as our ‘there.’  We are swayed by fantasies of the glittering ‘there’ and in an attempt to achieve this great dream, we submerge ourselves in activities rather than in growth.

Think about a child, lets say your little niece for instance, who loves to micmic roles of an actress. Every time she performs an act you laugh and pat her back, and try to encourage her fantasies by buying her things that would keep her flames alive. Still you know within yourself that it takes a grown woman to be an actress. And no matter how much she tries as a child actress, she would have to be a full grown woman, schooled thoroughly in theater, to truly become an actress.

It takes a certain kind of person to become a certain kind of person. And it takes a certain kind of person to attain a certain kind of lifestyle, or achieve a certain kind of goal. If your dream is to double your income, and earn say $5,000 as monthly income, the most important question to you, shouldn’t be about struggling for a promotion or a getting a better paying job, rather it should be thus; “Who do I need to become to earn $5000?” Other than focusing on your results, you focus on the process.

The purpose of your goal is the journey. The purpose of the pursuit is the process.

Whenever you set a new goal in life, you automatically raise the standards you operate by. With your new goal, you say to yourself, this is who I intend to become. You realize that in order to reach your goal, you must become a certain type of person. This means your goal is high up there and you are down below here and in order to reach it you must stretch. That stretch is your process, your journey; that is what is most important.

Not the $5000. Not the house by the beach. Not the fat bank account. Not fame or popularity. Instead what happens between ‘here’ and ‘there’ and who you become. That is where the transformation takes place. The exchange; that is where the price is paid. That is where you negotiate. Multi-billion dollar babies do not become billion dollar babies only because hay had a big break. They became billion dollar babies because they changed… from who they were to who they needed to be to become multi-million dollar babies.

Isn’t it obvious that the biggest reason why we never talk about what we want to become in life is become we fear being scorned and laughed at? And why are we scorned and laughed at? Why do these mediocre minds, so to speak, look you over and laugh their hardest when you tell them how you are going to build the most magnificent structure ever known to man? Simple, it is because you do not look like the sort of person who builds magnificent architectural work, even though you seem one of the best in your class.

And it isn’t so much about your appearance but your aura, your general comportment. They look at your entire make-up and they think to themselves, she must be dreaming. That is why you have to prove them wrong. And you can only do that by changing, growing, and becoming that outstanding architect. You focus more on becoming than on attaining. Allowing yourself to be totally consumed by the result of your goal can be gruesome and frustrating because you work your ass off and rake in very little rewards. Instead, you focus on becoming this awe-struck personality who achieves thus and thus a goal. That way you find that rather than fuss, you glide through your process.

We’ll never get it all done; we’ll never get it all “right”. It’s here for us to enjoy the process.

Having raised the standards in your life, you created the space you’ll need to stretch so you can reach your goal, as you stretch you change, don’t forget to enjoy the process. Don’t get too carried away working to be the part, that you forget to dress the part. That is the fun part, the dress rehearsal so to speak. When kids do make-believe, they do it with delight and with deep satisfaction. It is in that deep satisfaction that you stretch. That is where growth takes place. In the spaces where you enjoy with deep satisfaction, the little details that add up along the way.

Yes you may have to attend seminars or conferences where people who have achieved your desired milestone are found, attempt what they have done, and do what they did but far above it all is loving it while you do it. Live throughout the process don’t sleep through it and hope to suddenly wake up at the other side. You will be sorely surprised.

In this journey, you must stay awake, alive, animated. If you have to return to school, do it with fervor. If you must take a course or go on a trip to immense yourself in certain cultures or learn a new language, do it with enthusiasm and eager expectation. If you must change jobs, as you go through the process of sending out your resumes to different employers, let it be an adventure and not some boring obligation.

Who am I becoming in all of this?

Who are you becoming? Big question. Are you happier, more grateful and hopeful or are you frequently depressed, complaining, and negative every step of the way. Remember, that everything is everything; the way you do one thing is the way you will do another and consequently, who you are becoming determines the prize. You are either becoming the strong athlete who runs for the prize or you are the grumpy trainee who never makes it to the big game in the first place.

A cheerful heart and a cheerful attitude will get you to your destination faster and happier while ingratitude, complaints, blame and a disgruntled attitude will bring you disappointments, rejections and hard luck stories. What you need is a high dose of positivity and positive expectations, so that no matter how many times you fail, you know failure contributes more to your growth than anything else in the world.

Wake up and live. Be excited about your transformation and your change. Your ‘there’ is only a a few ‘heres‘ away. Enjoy this now, enjoy this moment, be grateful for today, embrace your growth. And trust me, by the time you get ‘there’ hardly will any of those laughing jackasses accept that what they see is true. They will see that you made it, and that you have become this shinning star and they will not recognize you. It is because you have grown. You have changed. You are now the sort of person who does great and amazing things.

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