Self-liberation

A Pursuit of Purpose

Standing at the center of nowhere
With eyes on a target that only the mind can see
Sniffing out a lingering scent only the heart can smell
From a place the feet has never been yet the soul recognizes
A path never before traveled yet so familiar
I follow an intimate trail from my future
My senses, I find, are perfectly au courant with my trackway
Knowing where to turn and how not to swing
What bliss, even the dead-ends are a Godsend
Then the night comes, when physical sight fails me
Nevertheless, I am guarded along the path of purpose
Steadily and steadfastly, I listen for that still small voice

Legacy

Of all the things I will like to be remembered by
Wisdom surpasses them all
An infinite flow of crystal soundness
Just a simple thought
That life is beautiful
And that it must be lived fully
With sheer wonder and with grace
That weakness is no sin
So long as it doesn’t become an excuse, cancerous
That strength isn’t redemption
Nonetheless it is a badge of honor
That true victory lies in overcoming one’s fear
Just as our true enemy isn’t the mortal next door
Rather it is a stealth darkness lurking within us
That in our greatest fear lies our greatest power
And that being our ability to not only love, but
Also be consumed by love in complete surrender
And it is this reality that weakens us
The knowledge of our inevitable vulnerability
Being our ability to surpass our humanity
A certitude that cripples us with great fear
And mangles our human capacity beyond reparation
So that rather than becoming superior beings we turn less human
We surrender to fear instead of love
We are subdued by darkness when we could be absorbed by light
Yet we are powerful beyond measure
Immortals dwelling in mortal suits
This is sound wisdom
This is what I would like to remembered by
That in the end, I overcame my fears

14 WAYS TO NOT REGRET A THING IN YOUR LIFE

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”― Mercedes Lackey


1. Spend wisely: We each have the tendency to spend lavishly when we have money. The secret is to predetermine not to be extravagant and be prudent. No matter what is at stake, prioritize, have a weekly budget and determine to stick to it. Above all, learn to say No to sentimental triggers to spend, especially from loved ones. Delayed gratification always pay-off in the end. Tomorrow when a real need arises, they will love you more for being able to help then.

2. Save money every time you can: Money does have wings and when its gone, you can hardly account for it. Even when you can account for it, you wonder at why you had to spend so much for certain things. Discipline yourself to put money away for a long time, either true mutual funds, or with the help of a financial adviser, invest in some trusted venture. Money that isn’t stored away will be spent eventually.

3. Never have too many expectations of people or have none at all: Half of the time we are busy coloring other people all kinds of hues. And we expect them to be such and such. We expect them to speak a certain way at a certain time and when that doesn’t happen we are pissed. The only person answerable to your rules of engagement is you. Be reasonable, respect people for who they are. This is about the hardest tip on here. Still there is no harm in trying.

4. Always find a way to keep your dreams floating around you: In other to stay focused we need reminders, like a daily journal where we make notes about our daily lives; our little victories and our goals. Or a calendar or date book, where we note down all our very important to-dos or a vision board where we stick-on all kinds of pictures, notes, reminders, magazine tarots etc. Anything to remind you daily & steadily about where you are headed.

5. Have self-rule or self-government, you must have limitations of your own: We will keep tripping over ourselves if we don’t have clear cut rules and principles. If you’re not the party or the clubbing type, don’t do it because you want to make your girlfriends happy. And if you don’t enjoy going drinking alcohol or its just not ‘your thing’. Don’t do it because you suddenly realize you should live! There are many ways to catch your fun. Discover them and stick with them. There’s difference between living a lie and being adventurous. Be principled, have your point of view.

6. Always be the gracious one, be the giver: Never be the disadvantaged one. Even when you do not have the kind of money you wish to have, or are broke, jobless or sharing an apartment with a mate. Be the gracious one, the encourager, the helper, the giver, and the reasonable one. Always summon your inner power, think through your words and let your words be few. Be the sort after, the one who always knows what’s best and offers her insight with politeness.

7. Never place too much worth on things: Sometime we get too engrossed with stuff, like phones and tablets, cars, or furniture that we find ourselves lashing out heatedly at a loved one. Simply because of a scratch, crack or stain. In the end we are regretful and full of apologies and that’s if we are lucky. Sometimes we may never get the chance to take back those hurtful words no matter how sorry we are. Things can be replaced when they get shattered, but hardly can we repair the human heart once its bruised.

8. Make room for failure: It is okay to miss the target. It is okay to fall short of your deadline. It is okay to be laughed at. It is okay to be fired or jilted. It is okay to make a bluff. So long as at the end of the day, you are taking away with you, a hard learned lesson, one that would motivate to try again no matter the obstacles. Make room for tough times, they are  a part of your journey.

9. Don’t be too hard on yourself: It is good to set goals and have a calendar or timetable so long as it doesn’t become a rope around your neck. Whatever systems you put in place are to keep you motivated and on course not to sentence you and strangle you when you fall short. Stay motivated not agitated. Be easy on you, conserve your energies for greater challenges ahead.

10. Always set a goal that is bigger than you for the purpose of stretching only: When you are about to set a goal, you are usually advised to set big goals. The purpose is for you to stretch in the process of reaching that goal, not that the goal itself is an embargo on your productivity. It is not to draw blood when you don’t meet up, it is for sake of you becoming a more aware, more confident and goal oriented person. Life is about the journey no the destination.

11. Never say never to love because of heartbreak: When you shut the doors against love entirely, you put yourself susceptible to matters of the heart. You expose your life more harmful relationships more often than not because you may decide to think that so long as your heart is not involved, you are fine. The heart however is the most deceptive and slippery part of man. You cannot lie to your heart no more than you can to yourself.

12. Make it a point of duty to learn about the person you about to date: One of the easiest way to feel your beautiful life wit ‘had I knows’ & ‘If only’ is by dating someone who overpowers you by controlling you and suppressing your liberty. In most cases we are either too carried away by fluttering butterflies that we ignore all the signs. Richard Templar said, “If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, it is probably a duck.” Learn to read the handwriting on the wall.

13. Don’t be a people-pleaser: Mark & Angel hit the nail on the head when they said, “Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.” Master the art of saying No to negative people, and to negative relationships, energy drainers and haters. And guess what, you don’t have to explain yourself when you do. Just say no, end of story.

14. Everything comes to an end, stay and live in the present moment: Do not get too carried away pursuing dreams that you forget to live. A life lived with fervor and deep meaning is the one that noticed the other person’s successes and found the time to congratulate him. Live life here, and now not then and there. Live life in the present. Buy someone a gift, send a text of encouragement, return a visit, sit and genuinely catch up with loved ones. Everything that truly matters is here and now, not the past, not the future, but here and now.


“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”― Katherine Mansfield

here and now

ANGER MANAGEMENT 101

The man who cannot control his anger is like a city without walls – Proverbs 25:28


When people are rude to your or talk carelessly with very little restraint it usually because they too have only received judgements and accusations from the world.

The thing however is not so much that the world handed them misjudgments and ill treatments, but that in the process of being underrated, they chose to absorb the hurt rather than reject it.

Therefore, it would be  wise to not overreact when certain people blowout on you. While you tell yourself that there is absolutely no cause to react, also remember not to stay too long in the poisoned atmosphere or it’s only a matter of time before you too are infected by the same misjudgment.

The next time the cashier at the supermarket or the front desk secretary acts up again, other than muttering ‘bitch’, remember this lesson and be grateful that you can understand her better.

Choose to be uninfluenced. Be the gracious one. Kindness is the magic touch. Some people may want to resist this as well, don’t cuss and say, ‘Ha! I was even being nice!’ Just smile and go your way. They probably do not know how to react to kindness either. Thank God you can and that you even know how to express it.


Most people can only give others what they have received themselves – Mark & Angel

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Every Seed Takes Time To Grow, So Do Your Goals

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years year ago… – Chinese proverb


 

Time is life’s determining factor. One thing that has killed many spirits and snuffed out many brightly lit and promising lives, is impatience, unreasonable thinking and fuzziness.

Have you ever written and sent a business proposal to a client and the reply delays in coming and then you begin to fidget and become restless, not sure what to expect, you begin to anticipate the worse of scenarios?

Do you find that you have the same attitude towards your goals? Say you have written down a few things you will like to achieve within the next 24 months; like change jobs, buy a car and move into a decent neighborhood.

You send out applications and go for interviews and in the midst of it all, you  get temperamental and high-strung. Cussing the companies that call you up for a chat or those who did but didn’t call you for the job.

If this is who you are when you expect results then you are rightly being impatient and unreasonable.

Think about the trees you see around and think about the gardeners who planted them. You think that there would be any trees at all if they cussed and dug out every seed they planted out of agitation?

Think a minute about the seed and listen to this; what do you think happens when a seed is planted? I am going to take my time to share some insight I learned about seeds and germination.

When a seed is planted, any type of seed; the first thing that happens is this; the seed first announces its potential to the universe and begins to attract unto itself what it needs for growth — water, sunlight, nutrients etc. It absorbs all of these, swells, splits up, cracks open and dies so that its inner energy can sprout, breakthrough the earth, push out the dirt and grow upward.

Depending on the seed type, the time frame for this underground phases usually differ. The seed type here is synonymous to your goals, long-term, short-term or mid-term, depending on what is at stake, because sometimes we are unreasonable with our timing and deadlines.

Brian Tracy says, there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable deadlines. Take a Baobab tree for example; it is very slow in growing. Yet when it  does, however, the tree reaches heights of 5 to 30 metres (16 to 98 ft) and trunk diameters of 7 to 11 metres (23 to 36 ft). Plus its trunk can hold up to 120,000 litres of water.

The growth pattern of the Baobab tree teaches us a lot about patience and the potency of acknowledging the time factor. If our goals and our dreams will become any good at all, we must learn to put in the work, one day at time, trusting that the potential of our seed will shoot out in exactly the right time.

You must however plant that seed first. Believe in your dream enough to have goals, written goals with stipulated time frames. If you don’t meet your deadline, set a new one. Revisit, re-examine, re-estimate, and keep tweaking till you find what works.

When you don’t meet up to deadlines, it is not a time to cuss and kill yourself with worry. Give it time. Trust that, all the applications and the interviews will all workout one way or another. One day, it will be exactly the right time for you and nothing will stop it.


 The best time to plant a tree is 20 years year ago, the second best time is now – Chinese proverb

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THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

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JUST SAY NO. END OF STORY.

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” – Paulo Coelilo

I can bet that there are a ton of ladies who can identify with the negative of that statement. Me inclusive. There are more women suffering guilty and self-deprecating thoughts of always wanting to please others other than ourselves.

So that we find ourselves in gatherings, parties or other engagements that do not align with us and we end up feeling sorry for ourselves by the time its over or we regret the things we should have done but didn’t do because we had to go somewhere with someone we couldn’t say no to.

We gradually watch our lives diminish with very little confidence and gut because we are constantly blaming someone for the opportunities we missed and the chance we didn’t take.

It is a compulsive subconscious urge to self-reproach, one of self-betrayal. We make it look like we are completely helpless, that we are stuck with these people who constantly drain us and demean us.

What we must realize however, is that as long as we keep allowing these negative influences into our lives, we will keep losing grip of our ability to take hold of the reins and choose our own path.

No one has the power to make you feel inferior unless you give them the permission. When you constantly say ‘no’ to yourself and your inner truth, you give other people the permission to ruin your plans and inadvertently your life.

It is only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important. – SPJ 1955-2011

It is okay to say no. So long as you are not saying no to your priorities, your plans, your potential and your peace of mind. As far as you are not saying no to your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your dignity, you are free to say ‘no’ to anything or anyone that volunteers otherwise.

People most of the time are not clear themselves about what they want or where they want to be so in the bid to get approval, they try to rope others into their plans and mostly they will prey on the persons they consider to be weak-willed or not having a mind of their own. They will prey on the impressionable and the wimpish but this doesn’t have to be you.

At any given moment, you have the power to say, ‘this is not how the story is going to end’. – Unknown

Decide that you will take charge of your life and that you will begin to say yes to your own priorities and values, to your own sanity and your liberty. The more you say yes to your inner truth the clearer you become about the things and or persons that do not compliment your authentic self.

You become bolder at ‘saying no’ to time wasters and busy-bodies and to negative minded people who once preyed on your ignorance. Now you know better and you don’t have to worry your head over who is upset or offended by your ‘NOs’; that becomes the least of your problems.

At every given point in time make sure you are ‘saying yes’ to yourself and ‘saying no’ to insecurity, low self-esteem and self-deprecation. Do not cower for fear of being perceived as mean or insolent either. As a matter of fact you are better off because you now see clearly, and can distinctly identify the people who need your attention, love and affection.

From now on, whenever you are faced with a situation requiring your decision or commitment and you can tell deep down that it doesn’t look like an explicit ‘yes’, just say no, end of story. Try it today; knowledge does not apply itself, we learn by doing. Begin to say No!

“If it’s not an Absolute Yes, it’s a NO.” – Cheryl Richardson

YES_NO_MAYBE

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU CHOSE

You are the colors you choose – Vicky Wall

You can blame the world all you can, or blame people for your misfortune and your seldom progress in life. Your life is what it is because you chose it. You chose your risks and your results. You chose your reactions and your actions. You selected your thoughts and you chose to dwell on them.

You are the colors you choose. If you are a dull and darkened shade of violet, it is because you chose it. If you are a splatter of primary colors on a canvass, it is so because you chose them. If you are just simply, a plain creamy colored canvass, you chose your lack of adventure and quiet mediocrity. You made the choice to not add any color to your life.

The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique. – Walt Disney

You can be a lovely hue of lilac and also not know it. You are probably engrossed being mesmerized by the stunning colors of others and busy trying to mix in shades of green, burnt orange and wine. I’m not sure what that will give you in the end. But I do know that the less you are like anyone else, the deeper your essence and the further your influence is most likely to travel.

If your life is exciting, it is because you chose. If your life is dull, it is also because you chose. Yes, there are times when you cannot control your circumstances, that is often true than not. Still I believe that you can control who you are in whatever circumstance and if that is possible, you can control what you become in the end.

You are the sum total of your thoughts, your actions and your words. And the colors you exude from within are a reflection of these three attributes. If they are in harmony, you have a work of art, however, if they are in disharmony, what you have, is chaos, a muddle, and confusion.

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. – Dr. Seuss

Do you wish to discover your true colors? Do you wish to be a spectacle or would you rather make a spectacle of yourself? Perhaps the best place to begin is to realize that you are one person, that you are special, created with a special gift and for a special assignment. Begin to admire and respect who you are and believe in what you could become.

Master your strength, be acquainted with your weaknesses, and know your limitations. Let your thoughts, words and actions be in harmony always. Be willing to learn new things about yourself, embrace your awkward moments and take more risks. Begin to live life outside of your shell and make more decisions outside of the box. Be bold. Be beautiful. Be brave.

“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

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DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

“That is the one unforgivable sin in any society. Be different and be damned!” ― Margaret Mitchell

There is a huge difference between being different and being a complete nuisance or a mine field. In my opinion, deciding to be different isn’t synonymous to insanity or to being a miscreant in society. Rather it is a call to a higher responsibility, a call to be unique, a call to stay true to what makes you special; that dream and that idea so rare that would make a difference.

The temptation usually is to follow the crowd, or to please the crowd, and to choose to be something familiar rather than be relevant. Do not suppress the urge to modify, alter, refashion or revamp the big idea. Change is the only constant thing. We evolve daily in our thinking and so does the world, progressing and metamorphosing along its course.

The danger here is to remain stagnant, resistant, and impervious to this apparent ongoing transformation for fear of general opinion. In order to have great impact, or make a huge difference, one must be willing to stand aloof from criticism and general back-lashing.

With great vision comes great risk and any dream that has ever stood the test of time is the one that wasn’t afraid of its eccentricity. Neither did it mind being the odd one out at any one point in time. As school dropouts, Steve Jobs and Bill gates weren’t exactly the norm of the day, they were the weird ones. They were different but look what that difference has birthed!

How about ‘The lady with the lamp’, Florence Nightingale, daring to care for soldiers during the Crimean war? And who in the process founded modern nursing. She dared to be different in spite of opposition she suffered from her family and the restrictive social code for affluent young English women.

She even rejected married, something a young girl in her time wouldn’t dare because in those days, women of Nightingale’s class did not attend universities and did not pursue professional careers; their purpose in life was to marry and bear children. She however was convinced that marriage would interfere with her ability to follow her calling to nursing. Her sacrifice paid off in the end but I doubt the process was a pleasant one to endure.

Learn to trust your instincts and the solutions you are creating for your generation. Have foresight, see beyond the supposed damnation that says your dream is impractical or unfeasible. Believe in what you can see within, give it time too and at the right moment, it will become exactly what it was meant to be — a miracle.

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.” ― G.K. Chesterton

Florence Nightingale

END THE BLAME GAME

Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
– Josiah Royce

The moment you begin to realize that truly, truly, only you are responsible for the decisions you take and the choices you make, you will cease to assign blames. You will experience many unpleasant circumstances in life, many people will take you for a ride, people you trust will let you down.

Question is who do you become in all of it? What kind of thoughts do you allow in those dreary seasons of your life? What do you begin to secretly call yourself and the people who victimize you? What kind of picture do you begin to paint of the future?

What decisions do you take then and what would be the outcome of your choices? These are deep questions calling for deep thinking; speaking of which, thinking is a chore that only you can do for yourself.

The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. – Will Durant

You can reel out a long tape of how ‘A’ was a bitch and how ‘C’ got away with crap. You can write a notebook full of all your sore ordeals and sour deals and attribute an entire phase of your life to someone’s inconsistencies. The ball still will remain in your court, waiting for you to call the shot.

Its like falling in love; you meet someone, you like his persona, you find that he is smooth talking and easy going, he is intelligent and very responsible or whatever. You begin to grow fond of him, and in spite of what people say, you fall in love with him and you become his woman. Now whose fault is that?

Whose fault would it be if it doesn’t work out in the end or who would be responsible if it did work out? The dating site or the matchmaker? Yeah, they probably had a hand in it, but really whose decision was it to go along with it in the first place?

It is same thing with choosing your thoughts and deciding which thought would be the dominant one. Do you lean in to regret, hate yourself for being such a fool or do you decide that the situation doesn’t have to get worse than it already is?

Do you stir-up arguments and heat up the bitching to prove a point or do you choose to loose the debate in order to save what is most important to you. Do you choose defeat for friendship sake or do you choose victory and rip apart an alliance?

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. – John F. Kennedy

Your whole life is hinged upon the choices you make daily. It is your responsibility to make exactly the right choice for you. You can ask for opinions from others, seek their counsel and crave their indulgence or whatever. After all said and done, the onus is on you to choose exactly the path you will follow and the action you will take.

Just as much as loving and dying, thinking also must be done independently and solitary. It is like molding a piece of pottery, you have all the details in your head and ll the patterns that inspire the design. Yet it is your ability to take one thought at a time while you work on that clay and the wheel, that determines the final outcome.

Choose one thought at a time, take life one day at a time. Don’t be afraid to make those choices. Even when you go wrong, realize where you missed it and choose afresh. Keep trusting your intuition and your super-consciousness to help you with the correct choice every time. You will never learn how until you try.

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. – Lorraine Hansberry

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