Self-awareness

14 WAYS TO NOT REGRET A THING IN YOUR LIFE

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”― Mercedes Lackey


1. Spend wisely: We each have the tendency to spend lavishly when we have money. The secret is to predetermine not to be extravagant and be prudent. No matter what is at stake, prioritize, have a weekly budget and determine to stick to it. Above all, learn to say No to sentimental triggers to spend, especially from loved ones. Delayed gratification always pay-off in the end. Tomorrow when a real need arises, they will love you more for being able to help then.

2. Save money every time you can: Money does have wings and when its gone, you can hardly account for it. Even when you can account for it, you wonder at why you had to spend so much for certain things. Discipline yourself to put money away for a long time, either true mutual funds, or with the help of a financial adviser, invest in some trusted venture. Money that isn’t stored away will be spent eventually.

3. Never have too many expectations of people or have none at all: Half of the time we are busy coloring other people all kinds of hues. And we expect them to be such and such. We expect them to speak a certain way at a certain time and when that doesn’t happen we are pissed. The only person answerable to your rules of engagement is you. Be reasonable, respect people for who they are. This is about the hardest tip on here. Still there is no harm in trying.

4. Always find a way to keep your dreams floating around you: In other to stay focused we need reminders, like a daily journal where we make notes about our daily lives; our little victories and our goals. Or a calendar or date book, where we note down all our very important to-dos or a vision board where we stick-on all kinds of pictures, notes, reminders, magazine tarots etc. Anything to remind you daily & steadily about where you are headed.

5. Have self-rule or self-government, you must have limitations of your own: We will keep tripping over ourselves if we don’t have clear cut rules and principles. If you’re not the party or the clubbing type, don’t do it because you want to make your girlfriends happy. And if you don’t enjoy going drinking alcohol or its just not ‘your thing’. Don’t do it because you suddenly realize you should live! There are many ways to catch your fun. Discover them and stick with them. There’s difference between living a lie and being adventurous. Be principled, have your point of view.

6. Always be the gracious one, be the giver: Never be the disadvantaged one. Even when you do not have the kind of money you wish to have, or are broke, jobless or sharing an apartment with a mate. Be the gracious one, the encourager, the helper, the giver, and the reasonable one. Always summon your inner power, think through your words and let your words be few. Be the sort after, the one who always knows what’s best and offers her insight with politeness.

7. Never place too much worth on things: Sometime we get too engrossed with stuff, like phones and tablets, cars, or furniture that we find ourselves lashing out heatedly at a loved one. Simply because of a scratch, crack or stain. In the end we are regretful and full of apologies and that’s if we are lucky. Sometimes we may never get the chance to take back those hurtful words no matter how sorry we are. Things can be replaced when they get shattered, but hardly can we repair the human heart once its bruised.

8. Make room for failure: It is okay to miss the target. It is okay to fall short of your deadline. It is okay to be laughed at. It is okay to be fired or jilted. It is okay to make a bluff. So long as at the end of the day, you are taking away with you, a hard learned lesson, one that would motivate to try again no matter the obstacles. Make room for tough times, they are  a part of your journey.

9. Don’t be too hard on yourself: It is good to set goals and have a calendar or timetable so long as it doesn’t become a rope around your neck. Whatever systems you put in place are to keep you motivated and on course not to sentence you and strangle you when you fall short. Stay motivated not agitated. Be easy on you, conserve your energies for greater challenges ahead.

10. Always set a goal that is bigger than you for the purpose of stretching only: When you are about to set a goal, you are usually advised to set big goals. The purpose is for you to stretch in the process of reaching that goal, not that the goal itself is an embargo on your productivity. It is not to draw blood when you don’t meet up, it is for sake of you becoming a more aware, more confident and goal oriented person. Life is about the journey no the destination.

11. Never say never to love because of heartbreak: When you shut the doors against love entirely, you put yourself susceptible to matters of the heart. You expose your life more harmful relationships more often than not because you may decide to think that so long as your heart is not involved, you are fine. The heart however is the most deceptive and slippery part of man. You cannot lie to your heart no more than you can to yourself.

12. Make it a point of duty to learn about the person you about to date: One of the easiest way to feel your beautiful life wit ‘had I knows’ & ‘If only’ is by dating someone who overpowers you by controlling you and suppressing your liberty. In most cases we are either too carried away by fluttering butterflies that we ignore all the signs. Richard Templar said, “If it walks like a duck and squawks like a duck, it is probably a duck.” Learn to read the handwriting on the wall.

13. Don’t be a people-pleaser: Mark & Angel hit the nail on the head when they said, “Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.” Master the art of saying No to negative people, and to negative relationships, energy drainers and haters. And guess what, you don’t have to explain yourself when you do. Just say no, end of story.

14. Everything comes to an end, stay and live in the present moment: Do not get too carried away pursuing dreams that you forget to live. A life lived with fervor and deep meaning is the one that noticed the other person’s successes and found the time to congratulate him. Live life here, and now not then and there. Live life in the present. Buy someone a gift, send a text of encouragement, return a visit, sit and genuinely catch up with loved ones. Everything that truly matters is here and now, not the past, not the future, but here and now.


“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”― Katherine Mansfield

here and now

ANGER MANAGEMENT 101

The man who cannot control his anger is like a city without walls – Proverbs 25:28


When people are rude to your or talk carelessly with very little restraint it usually because they too have only received judgements and accusations from the world.

The thing however is not so much that the world handed them misjudgments and ill treatments, but that in the process of being underrated, they chose to absorb the hurt rather than reject it.

Therefore, it would be  wise to not overreact when certain people blowout on you. While you tell yourself that there is absolutely no cause to react, also remember not to stay too long in the poisoned atmosphere or it’s only a matter of time before you too are infected by the same misjudgment.

The next time the cashier at the supermarket or the front desk secretary acts up again, other than muttering ‘bitch’, remember this lesson and be grateful that you can understand her better.

Choose to be uninfluenced. Be the gracious one. Kindness is the magic touch. Some people may want to resist this as well, don’t cuss and say, ‘Ha! I was even being nice!’ Just smile and go your way. They probably do not know how to react to kindness either. Thank God you can and that you even know how to express it.


Most people can only give others what they have received themselves – Mark & Angel

angry-woman-pointing-finger

5 LOVE LESSONS THAT CAN GUIDE YOU 5 YEARS AHEAD

Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again.  Don’t settle. – Mark & Angel


1. “Relationships must be chosen wisely.  Don’t rush love.  Wait until you truly find it”: – Take it one step at a time. Take time to reflect too. Sometimes in the frenzy of the moment you do not hear everything that was said or done. It is only when you are alone, that you can put the pieces together. Look out for patterns and red flags. Don’t feel afraid to walk away if don’t like what you’re sensing. Our instincts often never lie. Don’t let your emotions overpower you and don’t deny them either. Only let your head be clear. If he is not your idle man or if he’s beginning to show traits that make you feel the slightest uneasy. Go no further. Wait. There is true love for everyone, sometimes you have to wait longer to find yours.

2. “Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with”: – You’ve been with someone before and you know he is all wrong, wrong for you, wrong for your peace of mind, wrong for your life, yet you go back because you need someone. I’ve heard a few whining in that direction, ‘I don’t have anyone else and I need someone…’ If that someone isn’t meant for you, there is no way it is going to get better, only worse. Save yourself from trouble, save your precious time and save your precious heart from ache that can wreck it beyond repair.

3. “Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely”: – When you are ready for love, you will know. It means you have resolve all your past conflicts, and have let go of past weights of pain, hurt, regrets and are now whole. True harmony with oneself is a platform of strength. Such inner peace can only attract to you equal peace and wholeness. There is not saying you should deny being sometimes lonely, just don’t make that your criteria for getting hooked. Wait till you are ready. A chinese proverb says, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Same goes for finding true love, when you seek love from a place of consciousness instead of hypnotizing yourself with self-made assumptions, you attract to yourself exactly the right man for you.

4. “Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed.  If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse”: — if your relationship is going down hill for the umpteen time stop trying to rescue it by pulling it back uphill with your teeth. Let it go and get a grip of yourself before you do something to hurt yourself badly. Some relationships can’t be helped. But you can be, so save yourself and take care of yourself. Care for your physical body, feed your mind with affirmations about yourself. Don’t stop loving the things that make you special. Get your groove back.

5. “Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better.  Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over again with a smile on your face and passion in your heart”: – Do yourself a favor and accept that every ending is a new beginning. For every door that closes, somewhere God opens a window. Never give up on life. Never give up on you. Never give up on love. That you’ve had it bad doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist for you. You have to have faith in the impossible and that can only begin to unfold for you the moment you begin to tell yourself it is okay to start over. Life is about endings and beginnings. That is what makes it so exciting. To know that somewhere out there, there is someone who is going to be madly in love with you for you.


P.S. All quotes by Mark & Angel.

Love lessons

3 WAYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM HURT

Life is too short to hold on to misgivings and fights. Often we find that our hearts are tightened with bitter anguish over hurt that has crushed our hearts with a heavy burden. We are stuck, unable to move o with our lives until we take the first step towards liberty.


1. Be the bravest, be first to apologize: I’ve learned severally through many life experiences that finding the courage to apologize frost is truly liberating. It immediately lifts the dark veil of pride that is separating you from your true peace.

2. Be the strongest, be first to forgive: Genuine apology will always lead to genuine forgiveness even when you are not in the wrong. It immediately frees you form the hurt that once blinded your judgement and you are able to let go finally. You also succeed in telling yourself that the person didn’t know better and that humans a re generally vulnerable.

3. Be the happiest, be first to move on: Move ahead. Don’t store up unpleasant moments in your mind and you must fight the urge to relive any of such. Keep your eyes straight ahead and occupy your thoughts with the newness that is unfolding with your new decision to be free. Don’t hold back from living your life to the fullest because the other party who has refused to let go and is still holding on to claims of injustice. Do not let their negative energy poison your state of tranquility. Be the happiest!


 

The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Be brave.  Be strong.  Be happy.  Be free. – Mark & Angel

Brave

Brave – 3D Animation. A moving story about bravery and reconciliation…

Every Seed Takes Time To Grow, So Do Your Goals

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years year ago… – Chinese proverb


 

Time is life’s determining factor. One thing that has killed many spirits and snuffed out many brightly lit and promising lives, is impatience, unreasonable thinking and fuzziness.

Have you ever written and sent a business proposal to a client and the reply delays in coming and then you begin to fidget and become restless, not sure what to expect, you begin to anticipate the worse of scenarios?

Do you find that you have the same attitude towards your goals? Say you have written down a few things you will like to achieve within the next 24 months; like change jobs, buy a car and move into a decent neighborhood.

You send out applications and go for interviews and in the midst of it all, you  get temperamental and high-strung. Cussing the companies that call you up for a chat or those who did but didn’t call you for the job.

If this is who you are when you expect results then you are rightly being impatient and unreasonable.

Think about the trees you see around and think about the gardeners who planted them. You think that there would be any trees at all if they cussed and dug out every seed they planted out of agitation?

Think a minute about the seed and listen to this; what do you think happens when a seed is planted? I am going to take my time to share some insight I learned about seeds and germination.

When a seed is planted, any type of seed; the first thing that happens is this; the seed first announces its potential to the universe and begins to attract unto itself what it needs for growth — water, sunlight, nutrients etc. It absorbs all of these, swells, splits up, cracks open and dies so that its inner energy can sprout, breakthrough the earth, push out the dirt and grow upward.

Depending on the seed type, the time frame for this underground phases usually differ. The seed type here is synonymous to your goals, long-term, short-term or mid-term, depending on what is at stake, because sometimes we are unreasonable with our timing and deadlines.

Brian Tracy says, there are no unreasonable goals, only unreasonable deadlines. Take a Baobab tree for example; it is very slow in growing. Yet when it  does, however, the tree reaches heights of 5 to 30 metres (16 to 98 ft) and trunk diameters of 7 to 11 metres (23 to 36 ft). Plus its trunk can hold up to 120,000 litres of water.

The growth pattern of the Baobab tree teaches us a lot about patience and the potency of acknowledging the time factor. If our goals and our dreams will become any good at all, we must learn to put in the work, one day at time, trusting that the potential of our seed will shoot out in exactly the right time.

You must however plant that seed first. Believe in your dream enough to have goals, written goals with stipulated time frames. If you don’t meet your deadline, set a new one. Revisit, re-examine, re-estimate, and keep tweaking till you find what works.

When you don’t meet up to deadlines, it is not a time to cuss and kill yourself with worry. Give it time. Trust that, all the applications and the interviews will all workout one way or another. One day, it will be exactly the right time for you and nothing will stop it.


 The best time to plant a tree is 20 years year ago, the second best time is now – Chinese proverb

girlhuggingtree1

LIFE IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

Change is inevitable but personal growth is a choice – Bob Proctor


I will like to share something about time and growth that I’ve come to appreciate very much. Let’s say you are a frequent visitor of this blog and overtime you read something new, you consciously take something away. Let’s assume that before now, you rarely gave much to thought to the choices you are making and or how you spend your time.

Let’s also assume that even though you have heard severally about goal setting you have never really seen any through and quite sincerely, have never truly had goals before.

Then you begin a journey toward a worthy ideal; you say to yourself, oh, I’m going to put these things I’m learning to the test. I am going to set a goal for myself, along side that, I will also begin to take my choices and decision making a lot more seriously. I will also begin to stay conscious of time and cherish my time more.

Next you get a journal and begin to write down your goals, you big idea, and basically begin to take account of your little victories. You begin to practice saying No to anyone or anything that doesn’t align with your you or your goal.

You also begin to take more risk like you’ve never attempted before, you attend those nerve-racking events where you are required to walk the room, make new acquaintances or talk about your business in the speed networking segment.

You take the leap and even though you are a nervous wreck inside, you put on your best smile and adorn your best colors, inside and outside. You slowly begin to grow a new circle of acquaintances, friends and business pals. You develop a new interest in books and self-development materials by gurus like John C. Maxwell & Brian Tracy.

Slowly but steadily you realize that many of your dreams which you once relegated as mere fantasies or have completely forgotten about begin to resurface in your mind. You are stirred up by a new enthusiasm. Your life has a new zip to it and you suddenly know what it is you want out of life and how you want to go about this new goal of yours.

The picture gets clearer and less blurrier by the day. You fill up one journal, then another. You find that your once very shy and introverted self has now become the life of every social gathering you find yourself. You find yourself taking the grand stage and carrying others along.

You are embracing your new intentions, to be focused and goal, to be clear in your choices, to take charge of your life, to appreciate and utilize your opportunities, to associate with people who grow you, to invest your time wisely and staying happy in spite of the odds.

Then one day, from the blue, you meet an old acquaintance and you guys have lunch, then she says to you, whoa, you are so different, I almost didn’t recognize you when I saw you, and now I can hardly believe you are the same person I’ve been talking  with all afternoon. You are different. There is something new and fresh about you.

The following week, your old acquaintance refers you to a top organization who in turn call you up for an interview for one of their top management positions. You go and you’re taken. You begin and your finance is transformed almost immediately. You take a look at your journal and you realize that you have not only exceeded a your 12 month goal in six months, you have also begun ticking off the 2 year goals.

You sit back and you wonder when and how you got there. You try to understand what it was you did differently, you reflect on the events of synchronicities and think to yourself that each of the steps you have taken weren’t exactly rocket science. Which is true; it only took a little shift of your mind and attention to make the huge difference.

It also didn’t happen overnight. You remember quite vividly it was about two birthdays ago that you made a true resolution to change your life and begin to apply the tips you read on my blog. You smile and decidedly concluded that they work after all. That one can begin to make a difference in their lives if they decided to.

You can tell just by looking at your life. You cannot explain how it happened, but you can tell for yourself that your life is different. That is the thing about time  I thought you should know.

Though this is only a theoretical example, you can decide that this could be your story. You can begin to take your life more seriously and apply the things you read here to your life. Start here, start now. Persistence + Consistency + Time = successful results.


 

  “The body grows slowly and steadily but the soul grows by leaps and bounds. It may come to its full stature in an hour.” ― L.M. Montgomery

Success is time

Rachel McAdams in movie – Morning Glory… One of my favs about believing in dreams!!

 

THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON IS TO MOVE ON

Yesterday I received a sad email from a very dear friend of mine. She has just broken up with her boyfriend of many years and she is hurting deeply.

I felt her pain too well because I knew exactly what she was going through. I think the saddest part of her email was the part where she explained how anxious she’d suddenly become over changing her apartment and moving to a new place.

I knew that feeling too well. And in a strange way that cut me deeper than the breakup itself. It’s hard enough to walk away from a relationship that has been on for a long time. It’s hardest when the relationship has woven itself into the very fabric of your existence. You begin to feel an overpowering urge to want to change things up with the snap of a finger. You want to change your phone number and your house address. You would even change cities if you could.

Anything to wipe out that memory card clean. The one that once held the minutest detail of you and your ex. Anything to forget he was ever part of you and that at one point in time he was the only thing you could think about and talk about and even cry over.

Anything to forget that once upon a time, he was the center of your life.

I could feel her pain and understand her anxiety because I’d been there before. Thankfully it was a couple of years ago so now I can think more objectively and speak from a place of healing and clarity.

So I replied her email. I told her it was okay to hurt, and to cry and to mourn the relationship as long as she wasn’t hurting herself further by feeling remorse or self-loath or any of the like.

I also tried to make her see that it was okay for her to want to move house and all, but that she must realize that the best move she could ever make was in her mind. The best way to move on is to move on. And it is done mentally, consciously and deliberately with the choices we are making daily not by changing our physical address.

It is all in your mind. You can remain single, confident and happy living in the same apartment, doing the same job and using the same phone line after a very disturbing breakup. Yes, it is possible.

It is also important to have a change of view after a breakup; try new experiences, change your routine and free up a little space within your living quarters. You can even move house, move into a new neighborhood, change jobs or even change cities. Smell the roses, have a new perspective to life and begin to enjoy being single again. This also is possible and as a matter of fact advisable sometimes so you can get your groove on a lot quicker.

Still, unless you have truly moved on in your inner consciousness, and holding no bounds, the latter option would only amount to a perfect finish of a facade while the interior is still a mess.

When shit hits the fan, the first thing to do is to clean up the mess, not buying of a new rug, or painting the walls. That can come later; after you have gone through the pain of taking care of the urgent.

If you are not okay, your new house will never be okay neither will the new job or the new city. If you are not completely over yourself and the breakup, the next step will always be bleak. I do know however, that getting through a breakup can be hardest and longest and that most times, the first instinct is to get away.

I want to trust that whatever decision you make would be the best decision for you, and as you go come through, remember that the most important person right now is you and that you too deserve your love more than anyone else or anything else.

So while you seek answers, remember to be kind with yourself, be gentle and be patient. Take it easy on yourself. You are in it together; you, your conscience and your heart. You all need each other. So be gentle, be reasonable and remember to be affirmative at all times.

Say the kindest words to yourself and call yourself the kindest names. We learn everyday and mostly too from mistakes. Don’t be hard on yourself. Take it easy but make sure you move on.

“FOR IRENE”

breakups

Recommitting to My Intentions

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.”
― G.K. Chesterton


I recently began a new venture that takes up all my morning. It began this month in August and my schedule had to undergo some minor adjustment. As a result I have been more occupied than I’d been in the past couple of months since June to be precise. I have also undergone a small inhibition that hasn’t enabled me to post on my blog as often as I would have loved to and in addition to that, my August morning engagements have eaten up a large chunk of my writing hours. I tend to be swamped with extra commitments, plus the other things I have to do daily, as a result I find that I have little time to write.

In the midst of all these, I would come to a new awareness. I realize how my writing invigorates me. I am amused by how much energy I draw from writing my inspirational pieces and having gone days without writing, I am now patched and dry and drained. I feel like I haven’t had my dose of high for a long, long time and that is true! I also realize that just maybe, my readers may feel the same way too; feeling patched and dry and missing their dose of inspiration.

So today I’m recommitting to my intentions, to being a muse of inspiration to thousands and thousands and hopefully millions of girls, and women across the world, and to the men who love them. I hope to make this recommitment daily, not only for them but more so for myself. I find that in creating hope, insight and revelation for others, I create the same in myself. Therefore in my giving is my receiving. In my sacrifice, is my reward. In my work, is my compensation. In my labor is immense pleasure.

This discovery and rediscovery will be the turning point of my success; it is the stirring of my essence, the revivification of my writer’s block and the creation of my brainwaves. Consistence holds the key to abundance and wealth. Persistence is the test of time as well as the test of our faith in what we believe. And together, persistence and consistence will implode into milky ways and fireworks.

In this light, I will like to encourage you stay the course, run the mile, hold your image. And if you are yet to discover what your mojo is muchless love it, then ask yourself these questions – What is that thing that I miss so much it makes my heart ache? What do I love so much it makes my pulse race with happy satisfaction? What infuses me with so much energy I feel I can move mountains?

I hope you find what you love. I hope that you love it enough to recommit to it everyday of every month of every year. Selah.


“Don’t be afraid to be who you are because you are the only person who knows you best.” ― Saredo Ali

Recommit

7 Things You Should Never Compromise In Life

    “One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” ― Jeanne d’Arc


Having rule over your life is like running a personal government with your self where you determine the rules of engagement. It is important to have certain principles you live by; they are like your ‘yeses’ and they determine what the ‘NOs’ would be. They are the solid rock upon which everything else is founded, the foundation that forms the underlying basis of your entire life. They are like written codes of conduct that must never be comprised by you and neither would you give anyone the permission to question your resolve on the matter.

1.    Your Faith: Being a christian myself, faith here stands for the profession of faith in Christ as the son of God. Faith also stands for the scriptures; the prophets in the bible, the gospels, the apostles and all the ordinances by which we are expected to live by. Faith represents the life of sacrifice we are expected to emulated which was exemplified by christ in scripture. Faith represents the power of the gospel which is able to save and give eternal life. This I cannot compromise. A man’s faith has the power to direct the entire course of his life, acting ever so subtly yet powerfully.

2.    True Love: True love is perhaps the second most influential principle anyone should never trade, not for a false security, not for material gain, not for a disguised comfort. True love should be valued highly and revered. It should be believed that it exists and it should be expected to manifest come what may. It should never be relinquished neither should it be renounced. One must always believe in their ability to love and accept that they too in turn deserve to be loved.

3.    Family: Family are your first friends, first companions, first encouragers as well as first discouragers. They are your first crowd and your first judges. They are also your threshing floor and your quarry. Your true test for charity begins at home. Family should be the one place where your security is certain, where love is never lacking and where the fire should never go out especially in winter. Family is the place where you are clothed with blankets, nursed back to good health and given warm food even when you hit rock bottom. Family is the only place where you stand bare chested and walk barefooted not expecting to be stabbed or trapped. Family is the one place were our vulnerability is bare before all; where we can be loser then winner, villain and then hero. We can prodigal and then be molded into the good son. Family is our succor and our forerunner; the predecessor that prepares us for the families we will eventually raise. Never turn your back on your family, no matter what. Love never fails.

4.    Your Passion: Your passion make up the hot coals that warm your heart and brighten up your eyes. They make your hands firm and swift from continuous engagement and tough from repeated trial and error. They give life to weakened muscles and clothe your dry bones with flesh. Your passion gives your life a meaning. Like clean fresh water drawn from a deep well, your passion draws out from within you the very source of livelihood and nourishment. When you are patched and dry, your passion is a living stream watering the coarse grounds of the desert. When you are a budding garden, your passion is a living stream; like the garden of eden, the river which watered it flowed from within itself. Your passion is a gift from God, a gifting planted within you to give you both pleasure and essence, so that you can in turn give the world pleasure and essence. Never trade your passion for anything, not for gold, not for silver. There is nothing that compares to it. It is a life source, upon which many souls are dependent even yours.

5.    The Truth: What is truth? What is false? What is agreeable? What is acceptable? What is right and what is wrong? What is permissible what is resistible? Our world is gravely evolving and values and norms we once accepted as proper, like the family unit for example is daily being mutilated and subtly being relegated as secondary. While other poignant and shamed practices that we never could own up to even in the darkness of our minds are now being celebrated and tolerated in the open. Homosexuality and same sex marriages have taken center stage as a human rights attribute. It is becoming the voice of the majority to absorb a pattern simply because it is radically advancing and occupying our spaces. It is no longer a question of whether it is right or wrong. In the face of viral perversion and criminal artistry, where does your vote go? Is it secretly to endorse this merciless evil or do you vote openly to denounce it with every ounce of your sanity? The truth cannot be relative, white is never relative, it is either white or black or grey, if it isn’t white then it is black or grey. Grey can never take the place of white and call its self relative. It is either the truth or a lie. Always stand for the truth. Our future depends on it.

6.    Your Dream: Who are you and why are you here? What is your mission here on earth. Are you here as a consumer, or a servant. Are you here to satisfy your belly and be gratified alone or are you here to make a difference? What is your work and why do you do what you do? Is it just for the cheddar; why do you work so hard? Why do rise early and why do stay up late at night? What problems are you solving or what solutions are you creating? How many lives are you changing, what services are you offering? Your calling is your purpose, it is that problem you were created to fix. Who are your beneficiaries and what are your special gifts to your generation? No matter how tough it gets, never give up on your dream, never trade your calling, never shove aside the very reason of your existence.

7.    Your Time: We are all different and each one is unique in his or her own way. We are all sojourners here on earth, renting temporary time amounting to 24 hours each per day. Each day we are credited with another fresh set of 24 hours, with no carryovers from the previous day. We can neither bank or save from what we receive daily, and the only way to profit greatly from each chunk of 24 hours we are given is to invest it wisely by the way we think, what we say and what we do. Never compromise your share of eternity’s daily generous offerings. Don’t grub it up ravenously that you don’t remember what the heck you did with it. They are life seeds meant to be planted. Instead, get to work, put your seeds to the ground, to the test, and expect a good harvest.

Your beliefs are your basis, your truth, your essence, your beginning and your ending. Everything you are and will ever be rises and falls on your beliefs. Life is too short. Therefore it would be menace to live carelessly, and live our lives as we wish without caring for right or wrong, what is acceptable by one’s standard’s and what isn’t. It is only by having beliefs that each person is able to determine for himself what paths he must follow and in whose company, so that our beliefs and our principles can stand the test of time.


Never compromise your values – Steve Maraboli

Lifestory

7 Reasons Why Work Is A Girl’s Most Important Companion Not The Man

People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me. ― Princess Diana


I have a bone of contention. It is about young promising intelligent girls being eager for marriage before they even get a hang of what they are about. I think it is a big, big problem, and the consequences of this putting-the-cart-before-the-horse disease are enormous as they are poisonous and deadly.

I hear about many young women, who were once lovely innocent brides become devious wives because of this short-sightedness and miscalculation of purpose. I see others who have found themselves in marriages that became mirages overnight. I’ve seen young independent city-girls become frail, lost and confused wives.

Although a good number of marriages today have their roots solid in mutual understanding and reciprocal affirmations, there are a silent majority, in which the woman is on the receiving end of this misfortune. Where she is either deprived of work entirely, or is deprived of work that aligns with her purpose.

Below are 7 solid reasons why I believe that the first most important discovery the twenty-first century girl will ever make in her life is work and not a man.

1.    First and foremost never in human history has idleness ever being a good omen: I’ve heard of cases where a father protests the marriage of his young daughter soon after university because he feels she should enjoy her liberty a little longer in form of work or traveling before resigning herself completely to the duties of marriage. I think there is some sense in that. I know also that there are a few exceptions to the rule, but then again, this post isn’t for the exception. This post is for the girl who believes that when it comes to marriage, one can simply wing it, and that life goes on as normal, fair weather and all. And somehow expects that the man will give her what she wants. Well, that isn’t entirely true. If you are going to be happy in marriage, you will first have to be happy with work. Work gives you a sense of responsibility, improves your thinking faculties and above all keeps you busy. You are often likely to be found by your ideal man when you are busy than when you are idle. When you’re busy you have the liberty to choose and be certain of your choice because you’re not pressured. When you’re idle, you’re constantly pressured by wants and needs and your thoughts are usually one of escape other than a wise, well thought-out decision for the next level.

2.    Work that you love doing is one door away from work you were created to do: We were each created for a purpose and the earlier you discover what yours is the better and brighter your future — whether single or married. It is only when you realize that you are here for a reason that you begin to appreciate your life better. When you discover something you love, you soon begin to discover the greater potential that lies within your work and within yourself. You begin to see possibilities and life is a lot more exciting as you begin pursuing these possibilities. When you become appreciative of the life you have, you will seldom make silly mistakes like condescending to a relationship that doesn’t compliment you. The most exciting and successful relationships are usually founded on platforms of similarities where both partners enormously compliment each other mainly because they serve in the same field. Life is usually easier and sweeter when you discover a spouse in the line of duty so to speak. Allow yourself the liberty of discovering yourself first before you allow another human being into the equation. If you don not have a clue of what you are about why expect that your significant other would?

3.    When you begin to solve problems through your work, you increase your level of awareness, your worth and your relevance: Imagine that you begin to do very serious work as a youth, like running an NGO for instance. Such selfless work has tremendous spiral effect on your self-development as a person. I know a former schoolmate of mine who over 14 years ago, in her early 20s, began a health based NGO after her youth service. Today that NGO is recognized by respectable bodies such as the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and has been a succor to several communities in Northern Nigeria. She is also happily married with kids and she’s still a part and parcel of the beautiful work she founded. You can have it both ways and be happy. Well, some people will say my friend is the exception; well in this case you can aim to be that exception, you can have it both ways; you can begin a booming career, get married and continue your booming career. Yes, it is possible. I really do not see the sense in throwing away passion, and the pursuit of purpose in the name of marriage. It has caused more hearts to break than it has mended or molded any. Our life essence flows from our ability to become channels of this essence and your work, your mission in life, is one of such channels. Wake up and live! The only reason why anyone would continue to nurture a dream even after they are married is because they believe that their lives is worth much more and that there is so much more to life than a mere status.

The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. Roseanne Barr

4.    When your life is stirred by purpose, you make better choices: From the moment you begin to appreciate life as a journey of purpose and a meaningful transition you will begin to make intelligent and wise decisions. You begin to think in terms of service, and on a longterm basis than on self-gratifying short-term pleasures. You will become wiser than your peers. Your heart is set on the future and the thought of marriage and starting a family begins to flow from a place of maturity other than a place of childlike fantasy. Your years of work and experience during or after school has helped to exercise your mental muscles and toughen your emotions so you do not have a fragile grip on reality.

5.    The contentment that comes from service that gives deep fulfillment also gives you self-confidence and self-assurance: Nothing entraps a girl more than being desperate to marry. Nine out of ten she ends up with the wrong guy. Anxiety is not the place to make any kind of decision, worse still marriage decisions. You need to be exceptionally or decidedly self-assured when you about to marry and begin a new life with your partner. Otherwise you will end up with a half-baked future and a routinely sad life. On the other hand, if you would rather not be desperate or insecure at the point when you make that life-time decision of choosing a partner, you must first find deep fulfillment in yourself. One way of achieving that is by finding contentment in your life through work and service that gives you deep fulfillment.

6.     Extremely positive and evolving work exposes you to learning and growth: The process of immersing one’s self in work is a transformational procession in its own. Work exposes you to new ideas, new possibilities and new challenges. These in turn cause you to explore your mind more by thinking a lot more and a lot deeper. You begin to discover possibilities about your capabilities that you never knew existed and this improves your self-esteem. A girl who is proud of herself is a girl who doesn’t need anybody’s approval to feel good about herself. And one way to begin to appreciate your amazing self is by standing up to solve more problems and being more relevant in your field of expertise. A simply vocation as being a school teacher who loves and understands children and is well versed in the subject she teaches her pupils can expose the young teacher to greater levels of growth within a year than she could ever have imagined. The key is to desire work that you love and to evolve with your work because work that is meaningful is never static, it is always in motion. The lessons you learn along the way, when you barely have responsibilities as choking as child rearing, will come handy when you finally decide to raise a family.

7.    Once you become self-assured and self-assertive of your purpose and invaluable potentials, you will inevitably attract suitors like yourself: There is a difference between being self-assured and self-assertiveness. The first is to be confident in your abilities or character, the latter is the confident and forceful expression of oneself, views and desires. When you become these two combined, you create around yourself a force field that attracts to you, your ideal man, who is equally confident in his skin and fearless about his confidence. It takes an insecure and fearful human being to impose upon another human being and constantly bully their right to live bravely. However, a person who is self-assured and self-assertive in his or her own skin will have no reason to want to control or put out the light of the other individual. That is the kind of man you deserve and to have such a man, you must become such a person. Like attract like.

There are probably a number of girls who do not consider work a serious piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives, you don’t have to agree with their school of thought. They probably think that purpose is secondary to finding the right suitor or getting settled, you don’t have to be one of them. You can be different. You can choose to see reason with the reasons listed above and become to take your life as a single girl a lot more serious. You can love work and do work you love because now you know it is only one door away from the life you were created to live.

Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men? Barbara Streisand

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