Girlfriends

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Writing and reading are collaborative acts in the making and performance of space-time. Readers participate; they become, partly, writers. The reader is its co-creator. – David Morley

Hi everyone! I’ve been nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award by my one and only ‘Superfan’ 🙂 – Gypsyess, blogger at Wonder Of My Worlds. I only started this blog barely 3 months now so you can imagine my surprise and excitement to hear Stella say she nominated me for a world bloggers award. I was elated to say the least. Not only has her steady readership been a huge encouragement to me, it has also inspired me every time I’m about to write a new piece…I think about Stella and I say to myself, what freshness can I bring Stella’s way today? Or whenever I’m down and not feeling like my blogging is making any difference, I remember the generosity in her comments about how she is learning a lot from my musing.

If you are a writer, you would understand how these little drops here and there can make our stream gush and bubble. They are the only reason why we keep writing, because someone somewhere is feeding off our energy and is being illuminated from inside out because of our train of thought. There is no better reward for a writer.

So thank you Stella for taking the time to read, thank you for your generous comments, they hang like little medals on my computer desktop and my vision board. Thank you for your lavish and unselfish gesture of reblogging a few of my posts and thank you for nominating me for the Sisterhood of the Worlds Bloggers Award. You are just awesome! And that is an understatement. I hope that someday soon, the travel bug will cause our paths to cross. Oh, now that would be awesome!

Since I’m expected to nominate people as well, here are mine; first I will like to nominate Wonders Of My World, Stella’s blog – as far as I am concerned, she is the worlds most generous reader and writer, and since writers cannot exist without the reader, then Stella is indeed a blessing to us writers and I am a living testimony. Again if you are a dreamer like myself and you believe that dreams do come true then you should seriously visit Wonders Of my Worlds. It embodies true tales of a dreamer who has had a taste of what it means to live her dreams. And she is still dreaming. I can’t wait to see what part of the world she would be landing next 🙂

My second nomination goes to Marc & Angel Hack Life – www.marcandangel.com . They are my muse. A friend of mine recommended them when I newly started this blog and I haven’t been disappointed. If you surf through my blog you will find a few quotes from Marc & Angel. They write about self-development matters to put it simply and I tell you no one does it better. The happily married couple reach out to thousands daily and the impact they are having is such an inspiration. I want to be like them when I grow up 🙂 Visit Marc & Angel for all your self-help matters and be sure to bring home with you a lifted spirit.

I will now go on to answer the 10 questions required for nominees:

1. What inspires you most to write?

Everything. My joys, my sorrows, my victories, my failures, life’s pleasures and backlashes. Above all, my walk with God. His mercies, his kindness, his favors, his goodness, his grace, and his righteousness. I’m inspired by how I am experiencing this beautiful life God has given me to live for as long as He’s given me to live it.


2. What it your favorite thing to do in the entire world?

LOL. My favorite thing to do in the entire world is to travel & to write. I believe very strongly that the one cannot go without the other. And even though I have managed, all these years, to survive with the other i.e. with writing only, I am certain beyond all reasonable doubt that it is only a matter of time before the ‘one’ starts to unfold. After writing, my second most happiest thing to do in the world, is traveling. Like I said earlier. I am a dreamer. And I do believe dreams come through.

3. If you could travel anywhere in our beautiful world, where would it be?

That is a tough question to answer. I am torn between Rome and the city of love. Torn between pasta and fine living. Torn between the coliseums and the Tower Eiffel. If I have to choose, I guess it would be Rome.

4. What is your favorite book?

I’ve read many books in my lifetime but my favorite still remains “A Voice in the Wind” by Francine Rivers. I’m yet to read a book or any story for that matter that has moved my heart and soul like this book did. And it was there I first met Rome in person.  I’ve been hooked ever since with curiosity and deep interest. The story is a trilogy – A Voice in the Wind, An Echo in the Darkness & As Sure as the Dawn. Set in Rome, Ephesus, and ancient Germanic settlement.

5. What are you most proud of?

So far so good. This blog is my most prestigious achievement. It is one thing to say you’re a writer and it is another thing entirely to actually write. Secondly, it is one thing to say you are something and it is another thing to be that thing to the world, and then actually give off that essence and touch lives with it. This blog has given me all of that meaning in one.

6. How has your blog helped you most?

My blog has helped me to overcome my fears; my fear of not being sure if I’m good enough. My fear of ‘do I make sense’, am I making sense’, will I be heard, will I communicate, will I touch someone, and if I did, will they be better for it? I never found answers to these questions until I started this blog and that was when I truly embraced life as a writer.

7. What is your favorite childhood memory?

My favorite childhood memory was when I wrote and completed a fully illustrated book of short-stories inspired by Enid Blyton’s mini series. It was the first book I ever authored though never published. Hahaha. I took the book to boarding house one term and I would later regret it. It was the last I would see of it. It would have been such a treasured childhood souvenir had I left it in my mum’s care. I was only 8 when I wrote that book.

8. What is your biggest passion?

My biggest passion is writing. It is how I relate with myself and the world. And sometimes, it is how I talk with God.

9. Your favorite food?

My favorite food is spaghetti and all kinds of noodle food. There’s no doubt about that.

10. What is your favorite quote?

Okay this is a tough one. I have over a thousand in archive. It is hard to say. I have several that speak straight to my heart. I will like to share one on here

“Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.” ― G.K. Chesterton

 

In closing, I will like to thank Mariam Thompson at thecandidspot.wordpress.com and Kate&James at monkeypalmtree.com who both nominated Stella who nominated me. Thanks you ladies. You are all awesome sisters of my blogging worlds!!

 

And gracias to all my awesome readers. You are  co-creators of my musings. 🙂 🙂 xoxo

What truly matters in the end?

Everything…
Everything matters
Each word spoken and everything done matters
Everything left unsaid and everything left undone
Every transient thought
Every single day
All possible encounters fostered
Every single smile
The compliments paid
Every embrace felt
Every gratitude shared
Every gift given, even the tiniest handshake
Every promise made,
Every flimsy excuse
Every dream dreamed
Even the days that dragged on
And the nights that never seemed to end
The things you meant to do but never came around doing
And the one you did but never meant to
The things we should have done
The things we should have said
And the things we plan to do
The kindness we should have shown
The visit we should have made
Unwarranted procrastinations, and unredeemable opportunities, lost forever
The friend we could have been but failed to become
Family we could have had but were too proud to accept
Places we could have gone but too afraid to dream
The life we could have had but too short-sighted to believe
All of it matters in the end
Because everything is everything
The way we do one thing, is the way we do everything

Good Advice

That friend of yours is an anchor, cut him lose!
You are moving forward and he will do anything to keep you where you are
You are too blind to see it because you are not yet ready for change
He is dragging you down and he isn’t going to stop until he succeeds
And when he does succeed which he  most certainly would,
It wouldn’t be because he was stronger or smarter
However, it would be because of two things;
One, you tied a rope around your waist and made him hold the other end
Two, you didn’t cut him lose when you had the chance
No one has the permission to make you prisoner unless you let them

Little drops

It is the little things we don’t do
That cause the heartaches we don’t want
It is the little time wasted
That cause the disappointments we can’t accept
It is the little things we hold back
That cause the heartbreaks we don’t admit
It is the little things we ignore
That cause the gulf we can’t cross
It is the little things we don’t care about
That cause the loss we can’t bear
It is the little things we can’t overlook
That cause the irritations we can’t avoid
It is the little things we can’t confront
That cause the distance we didn’t intend
It is the little things we can’t let go
That cause the heaviness we can’t unburden
It is the little things we don’t tell ourselves
That cause the  regrets we can’t live with

3 WAYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM HURT

Life is too short to hold on to misgivings and fights. Often we find that our hearts are tightened with bitter anguish over hurt that has crushed our hearts with a heavy burden. We are stuck, unable to move o with our lives until we take the first step towards liberty.


1. Be the bravest, be first to apologize: I’ve learned severally through many life experiences that finding the courage to apologize frost is truly liberating. It immediately lifts the dark veil of pride that is separating you from your true peace.

2. Be the strongest, be first to forgive: Genuine apology will always lead to genuine forgiveness even when you are not in the wrong. It immediately frees you form the hurt that once blinded your judgement and you are able to let go finally. You also succeed in telling yourself that the person didn’t know better and that humans a re generally vulnerable.

3. Be the happiest, be first to move on: Move ahead. Don’t store up unpleasant moments in your mind and you must fight the urge to relive any of such. Keep your eyes straight ahead and occupy your thoughts with the newness that is unfolding with your new decision to be free. Don’t hold back from living your life to the fullest because the other party who has refused to let go and is still holding on to claims of injustice. Do not let their negative energy poison your state of tranquility. Be the happiest!


 

The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Be brave.  Be strong.  Be happy.  Be free. – Mark & Angel

Brave

Brave – 3D Animation. A moving story about bravery and reconciliation…

Bless The Past & Say Hello to Your Future

You have to make peace with your past in order to keep your present and future from becoming hopeless battles. – Mark & Angel


I spent some quality time with my mum today. Talking about the challenges I’ve had in the work environment and sharing the victimizing experiences I’d had with former work colleagues over the years. I found myself laughing as I recounted the bizarre stories, and quietly but briefly, relived a few of the demeaning and humiliating moments.

I felt sweet gratitude wash over me as I shared these incidences because somehow it was hard to believe that I actually did survive them. I felt immensely thankful that they would now forever remain in my past.

I also felt hopeful about the future, knowing that the lessons I’ve learnt can only bring me good and gracious rewards. Just hearing myself laugh as I related these stories of meanness gave me a sense of contentment and tranquility that meant I was at peace with that part of my past.

Another thing that was so comforting during the conversation with my mum was hearing her share about her own sordid experiences in the work place. Many years ago as a young military corporal, and practicing Dental nurse, she had the devil for a boss.

She told me about the unrelenting sexual harassment and unwarranted punishments she had to endure and eventually, foregoing a promising career was the only way to end the continuing coercion.

Years later, she would later to be told by friends and former colleagues, about how the said officer was paid back in his own coin and severely too by time and chance. At the time, she had regained back her profession, and had had many more promising opportunities, some of which she voluntarily relinquished because she wanted to spend more time with us her children.

Today I’m reminded again, that life itself has got its own memory bank where it stores our dos and don’ts and then processes our wages alike. In due time it will give to each of us a corresponding feedback. Everyone in his own coin.

In this regard, I am reminded to consider my present moments as blessings, no matter how they turns out, because I know one day they would be my past. I am reminded also to bless the hardest and toughest of memories and to never hold on to pain, rather release them completely.

My mum also shared about another very disturbing encounter of victimization which she suffered from the hands of two female instructors at the Army Training School in Ojo cantonment, Lagos; in the 1970s. I wasn’t born at the time.

They were both her junior in age but she never spoke back in defense nor did she act rudely in any way. She was the only girl in her class, and for some reason, these instructors decided that they would make her life a living hell. In an attempt to explain how cruel they were, mum said that the only thing that kept her going was because she was bent on becoming a dental nurse by all means. Otherwise under normal circumstances, she would have quit.

Unbeknownst to them my mum’s uncle was a LT. Colonel at the time and as a result she had the acquaintance of several officers who knew her to be his niece. Still she never for once, did she fight back. Least of all make a boast or threaten to use her connections against these female instructors.

They would finally come to this knowledge during an unfortunate encounter with a third party and senior officer who witnessed the ill treatment they rendered to my mum. It was only then that the mistreatment stopped.

Several years down the line, their paths would cross again; they met at the military hospital in Yaba. Mum was visiting an old military acquaintance who worked there as a senior nurse. The story that ensues is one of soberness and regret with tons of apologies to my mum.

That nothing truly goes unnoticed will be my solemn conclusion from these stories. Life sucks it all in into its master memory board and each one of us must tread carefully as each step is a written code in that drive.

How about me and you? We too have also played our sordid roles one way or the other; somehow we have hurt others, mistreated another and betrayed some. Though the memories remain in the past, even so that past too should be blessed and released.

Today as you reminisce upon your own toughest and most engraving encounters, remember to bless them and release them, so that you can embrace the future. Life is too short to hold on to pain and too brief to hold back from liberation.


 

Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision – Mark & Angel

Bless the past

LEAVE A DOOR OPEN

Love doesn’t hurt, expectations do – Pushkaraj Shirke


 

Pain can be a real bitch at times. Especially pain inflicted by someone you love and genuinely care about. The more hurt you bear for the sake of love, the more danger you risk. You are at risk of the inevitable explosion that comes after the cup gets full and then it gets very messy. The broth is spilled on everyone and everything. You are at risk of letting your pain get in the way, it first poisons you, then it poisons the other. If you are familiar with snake bites, you know that poison must be stopped immediately from traveling further through the body fluid of the inflicted. Well, unlike snake bites, what unattended pain does to us is more like slow deadly poison. An emotional wound that isn’t treated becomes infectious and deadly.

Perhaps the easiest way to deal with pain is take your eyes off the offender and set it on their vulnerability, our vulnerability as humans. How we all can be weak, afraid and misguided. How we are easily misunderstood by each other because of our colored perceptions and how we often overreact and only begin to see sense once the milk is spilled. We only feel remorse after we have fully satisfied our urge to damage, mutilate and wreck a havoc. In a way we are like vampires, having a voracious appetite for human blood, easily aroused, then we are like the werewolf, remorseful naked and ashamed once our cravings are gratified.

However when we see and accept our vulnerabilities as humans then we can understand better and act in wisdom other than react out of fear. We can be wise and give some distance, go somewhere to heal. You must heal because you now know that an untreated wound can easily be infected and that it is slow poison in action. Therefore, going away from the scene and from your precious friend isn’t exactly out of disdain but an act of protection, protection for yourself first. It may seem selfish, but selfish is good at this time. Distance is required. You must heal, so that your heart can recover and your mind free of poison. You may want to cease interaction at this time with this person who is acquainted too well with bites and stings. It is for the greater good, both for you and for her. By going away, you may be perceived as unforgiving, hateful and resentful. But you do know deep down, that by that distance, you leave a door open.

 


Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”
― C. JoyBell C.

walking-in-the-rain

Sometimes you have to say yes to what you really feel to be free indeed

 

I know we try to do our best all the time. I know we all truly wish to be good and try to do right by all means. I know we try to change our thought patterns and try to adopt new value systems. I know in general, we want to forgive, we want to let go, we want to move on.

We try every tool in the box and follow the 7 steps written in the book but if we are sincere with ourselves, if we keep still for just one minute, one-second, we will sense the rumbling deep down inside of our stomach. Down underneath the sea of conflicting emotions, lying still and undisturbed at the bottom of our hearts, is the hate we truly feel, the raging anger, toxic unforgiveness and bitterness eating away at our core.

While we go about our quiet lives, we sense its presence, and every now and then amidst our devoted worship and sincerities and professed goodness, we sense a faint vibration, a small movement of the beast sleeping within our subconscious. Even though we have successfully concealed the hate with layers and layers of positive affirmations and pronouncements, in group gatherings and in private therapy, we sense the phantom, the sleeping beast, a looming disaster, the deadly clutter that holds us back from being the best and greatest that we could be.

Here then, is my theory. Why tell ourselves a lie when we can tell ourselves the truth. Sometimes it is only when we have told ourselves the truth about what we truly feel that we can then recreate a new and transforming truth that frees us from the bounds of hate. Sometimes these negative feelings need recognition, airing and verbalizing as much as we can.

Sometimes to gain closure, we must take a bold step to being completely open with ourselves. We must vent in the true sense of the word. It is not okay to say simply “When I was with you, you hurt me real bad, and its hard for me to forget…” rather say, “When I was with you, you pawned me like a game, and of all the people I have been with, you hurt me the deepest and the longest. You made me hate myself for being so vulnerable, I hate you for what you made me become and I hope you feel the hate for as long as you live…”

Whoooo, you may be thinking, that is harsh, that is hatred, that is bitterness. Yes, it is, but isn’t that what you truly feel for that person whose memory always grates your senses whenever you hear their name mentioned? If you will be truly free, you must let those feeling out of the bag, and only then can you release them. You can send it in an email, or simply write it down on paper…whatever works for you.

The idea is, you must let out the venom or otherwise be poisoned forever by it. When you do, you free your subconscious of it’s deadly sting and you free your mind to embrace your future without any limits or hold. Remember to do this intentionally too, by that I mean, if you are going to let out the venom, do it with the sole purpose of wanting to be free of the hate. Do it because you want sanity for yourself and peace deep within your soul. Do it because it is what you need to be truly free of your past and the people that have hurt you so badly. Do it for yourself, to be happy and be free not inflict hurt on the other person or cause more damage.

That is why I do not recommend the email, because every word you write to describe your hurt will be carrying the negative vibrations of the hurt, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness you’ve soaked in all these years and months. And what you will invariably do to that person is poison whatever peace they may have at the time and cause them to revisit the past again with guilt and regret and sometimes the person becomes damaged goods and they may never recover. You don’t want that. You don’t want to be responsible for any more hate and unforgiveness.

What you want is peace, love, and hope in abundance. In other to achieve that you will need a little bit of faith and a large chunk of belief and courage to trust that simply writing it down (which is what I recommend) will set you free just as much but without causing any more damage. And because every word you write down is negatively charged with all the bad energy from that experience, that piece of paper becomes the victim of that venting and the out pour of your venom. It is that piece of paper that bears the cross and the crucifixion.

After writing down your hate, what you do next is write down your freedom on a separate sheet of paper. Write how you want to feel and how you believe you should be feeling about the experience. Write you healing, your forgiveness, and your hopes. Write them all down and bless your past for the lessons learnt. Write something like “I forgive myself for being a victim in this relationship, for allowing myself to be pawned and belittled. I forgive you for being the mean person that you were and I hope you can forgive yourself for how it all ended. I release you today.” Whatever represents your story, just make sure you are kind and express the freedom you yearn.

What you do next is as bizarre as this whole therapy gets, you burn the first sheet of paper and from your hearts of hearts let it all go. Let go of the hate, the anger, the bitterness and the pride. What you have left is the new truth you have written on the other sheet of paper, it is your testimonial of having fought a good fight and run with perseverance the race that was a failed relationship, a betrayal or broken trust or whatever it is you are battling.

If you still feel the urge to send an email or a text, then you can send your new truth, in doing os you do not hurt the receiver nor send them back into limbo or anything of that sort. Instead you leave them in a good place. A place where they are free to deal with their issues objectively and however that turns out is really none of your business because some people are die hards and never forgive just as much as they never forget.

However, what you would have achieved is really big. You would have aired your negative feelings and emotions, freed your self from a self-imposed prison, and self-afflicted venom that could have destroyed you. You would have earned your freedom and above all else gained closure. You will be free. Free to embrace your future and all your hopes and dreams with nothing holding you back. You would have done the right thing. You have said yes to your feelings. You have let go. You are free indeed.

None of this may make sense at first but the results are huge, if done intentionally, your heart literally feels light and you happier, and thoughts of the past and persons in question will no longer hurt, grate or embitter.

Finally, it is always good to go through the process with an experienced coach who can guide you each step of the way so you don’t find yourself back at the same spot where you began. A coach is someone you trust, someone that walks besides you and guides you without judging you. Allow yourself the freedom to drink in life in all its fullness. Release your hate and release yourself. Life awaits the free and authentic you.

Free

MY FOREVER FRIEND

Her voice shrills through the phone line with ecstasy
Even though it’s a year since we last spoke, it sounds like
it was just yesterday
Our intercepting chitchat and jabber reconnect the dots
in smooth motions of recollections and reminiscence
I feel the vibrant energy in her laughter just like school
days
It was that same girlie childlike chuckling and cackling
that brought with it warm memories from good old
University days
Each line she spoke was laced with the familiar
symphonies, cliches and analogies that make her peculiar
My heart is warmed by this forever fondness
I listen with intent as she flaunts her glamorous life
And something inside of me sways gracefully at the
verbal annotations that says hers compliments my magical
life
This is my forever friend,
Somehow, during life’s most dramatic moments, we have
found a stillness deep within our entwined core
Where nothing else matters but life, faith, hope, and love
We are grateful to have found the ability
To master and create that which we want out of this vast
space called life and friendship

Forever friends

AN ANGEL SENT YOU TO ME

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity – Khalil Gibran

I am thinking about all the blunders I would have made, all the pitfalls I would have blindly stomped into, and all the bones I would have broken if it hadn’t been for your steady and candid companionship. I am looking back on my life, at the rocky trails, the bushy paths and stormy nights.

Many times, I would have ran blindly into stony walls but each time, you’d show up just in time before I cracked my skull. Other times I find myself in certain frustrations, unable to clear away the cobwebs that surround me. I fight to stay afloat, I’m beating the air with my fists but in one moment, you say the magic word and I realize I’ve been chasing shadows.

I am amazed at how easily I can swing back to terraformer and find my footing again. It is the power of our camaraderie – the power of our sisterhood – that has kept me from losing it completely.

My moments of great fears fizzle away like fog at the oration of your deep wisdom. Suddenly I can vanquish many mountains. In the days my heart sunk into my pool of tears, your wittiness and charm quickly turn my great wailing into an uproar of laughter. My heart is lightened yet again.

Today I can count my victories because you cared to partake in my battles simply by staying close.  You kept your eyes on me for no particular reason except for love, and your undiluted affection. You hung your gaze on my wobbly tottering. Like a hawk seeking to rescue, you sought to reassure me.

I am thinking about what my life would have been, in the seasons of my winter days, had it not been for you. I do not believe in magic or in fairy tales but I do believe this one truth about you. An angel sent you to me.

“For Vanessa”

Angel's friend

angels fly

Thank you