Family

A day at a time

Life is here and now
This moment
A simple thought
A fleeting whiff
The cursory glance at life’s miniature features
Cumulating details of decisions we make by failing to make any at all
A mass of mental absenteeism snowballing downhill
A stockpile of unattended facets, wilting away, abandoned, forgotten
Punctured opportunities and the gradual sipping away of essence, chance, time
Then life passes by, leaving no traces, no footprint, no memories
We become as stone, cracklings, caked by the scorching sun
Hopeless and despondent that once again we have failed to live in the present moment
Life is here and now
This very moment
A beautiful morning, a kiss, a bear hug, a tear

What truly matters in the end?

Everything…
Everything matters
Each word spoken and everything done matters
Everything left unsaid and everything left undone
Every transient thought
Every single day
All possible encounters fostered
Every single smile
The compliments paid
Every embrace felt
Every gratitude shared
Every gift given, even the tiniest handshake
Every promise made,
Every flimsy excuse
Every dream dreamed
Even the days that dragged on
And the nights that never seemed to end
The things you meant to do but never came around doing
And the one you did but never meant to
The things we should have done
The things we should have said
And the things we plan to do
The kindness we should have shown
The visit we should have made
Unwarranted procrastinations, and unredeemable opportunities, lost forever
The friend we could have been but failed to become
Family we could have had but were too proud to accept
Places we could have gone but too afraid to dream
The life we could have had but too short-sighted to believe
All of it matters in the end
Because everything is everything
The way we do one thing, is the way we do everything

Everything comes around

Life in a way is like a carousel, a merry-go-round
Everything comes around,
Although it isn’t always merry in the true sense of the word
Still our circumstances are a thread of unheeded events, and unfinished businesses
And the unwanted sprouts of an unattended garden
Like a neglected wound, the pain and the resulting infection will force you to care
Like the unresolved issue that comes knocking at your door years later
It is also the beautiful reward,
Like a booming winery following the undaunted effort of grooming a vineyard
Life gives us what we put in, there are no jackpots, no lottery tickets, no shortcuts
And those who win will always begin with a mind to finish whatever comes their way
Life rewards the fearless; not the fugitive, not the deserter, or the runaway

The Magic of Dreams

Dreams are like honey to the soul
A lamp in the dark
Whispers in the wind
A sparkle in the eyes
Speed to agile feet
A distant cry that calls out in the middle of nowhere
Traveling winds that drive the sails of the mind
A shot arrow seeking out its target
True love, deep and intense, that warms the heart and strengthens the body
A slow, steady and sure evolution of infinite thought to physical substance

An Old Proverb

My mother once shared an old Benin proverb, “You don’t dust your head until you are way out of the bush”
I wondered at the meaning then and I wonder at it even now
Because I think what she was trying to say is, take things easy
Be patient, don’t get ahead of yourself
I also think that the proverb might be talking about long-suffering
Meaning, wait out your time in the bush, soon you will be out in the clear
So I’ve been thinking about this proverb and how easy it seemed to interpret itself
But I have one question;
When are we truly out of the bush?
I mean when can we dust our head?
Is it when we come to a small clearing inside of the bush, seeing that there are bush-like experiences stretched across our lives or
Do we wait it out till we can put all the bushes behind us?
If that is the case, are we ever going to get the chance to dust our heads?
Well I guess that makes it three questions…

Good Advice

That friend of yours is an anchor, cut him lose!
You are moving forward and he will do anything to keep you where you are
You are too blind to see it because you are not yet ready for change
He is dragging you down and he isn’t going to stop until he succeeds
And when he does succeed which he  most certainly would,
It wouldn’t be because he was stronger or smarter
However, it would be because of two things;
One, you tied a rope around your waist and made him hold the other end
Two, you didn’t cut him lose when you had the chance
No one has the permission to make you prisoner unless you let them

Little drops

It is the little things we don’t do
That cause the heartaches we don’t want
It is the little time wasted
That cause the disappointments we can’t accept
It is the little things we hold back
That cause the heartbreaks we don’t admit
It is the little things we ignore
That cause the gulf we can’t cross
It is the little things we don’t care about
That cause the loss we can’t bear
It is the little things we can’t overlook
That cause the irritations we can’t avoid
It is the little things we can’t confront
That cause the distance we didn’t intend
It is the little things we can’t let go
That cause the heaviness we can’t unburden
It is the little things we don’t tell ourselves
That cause the  regrets we can’t live with

Gratitude

Thank you for who I am
I have come to believe that I am beautiful
Bold and strong

Thank you for my problems
They have helped to toughen my gut
I realize they only last a short while

Thank you for my wins
Now I know that nothing really is beyond me
Now I can look any mountain in the face without retreat

Thank you for my family
I find that they feed me with so much hope
It is indeed a blessing not to be alone in the world

Thank you for my gifts
Life is a lot more exciting because I can make a difference
I find that no matter how old, I am daily revivified by my purpose

SOMEONE SOMEWHERE LOVES YOU IN SPITE OF IT ALL

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.”― Deb Caletti


The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable.  Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting lovable. – Mark & Angel

Today I want you to think about your life and see if there are any such people as mentioned in the quote above. Perhaps you can already count a couple and a faint smile is beginning to curve the corners of your lips.

I will like to try and bring to you attention a few people you may not consider as part of your list. Yet they are there, loving you helplessly and hopelessly. You probably don’t see them often or notice them enough to know how madly in love they are with you.

I am talking about your little niece and your little nephew, who literally worship the ground you walk on. They are hysterical and nuts whenever you are around and wont let you see the light of day because they want to tell you about the newest video game their dad has just downloaded for them.

I am talking about your loving siblings, the ones you constantly fight tooth and nail with every other week. There has never been a decent phone conversation between you guys. They are either pestering your life with their needs or with their presence. Visiting you when it is most inconvenient and you can’t wait for them to leave so you have your space back.

I am talking about your beloved dad, the one whose calls you  always avoide and the one with whom the best line of conversation was always about the stock exchange and how you won’t be staying home longer than a couple of days.

I am talking about your loving mother. The one you constantly send money to but never have any real conversation with and the only time you ring her phone is to tell her how sorry you are that you can’t be home for Christmas, yet again.

It is easy to loose sight of what matters especially when they are people very close to us, sometimes we go through many phases without speaking to members of our family. And it becomes normal because we believe the subtle lie that family is more of a burden than a joy. That family is far from perfect. Well, isn’t everyone else?

Today I want to remind you about the people who probably love you the dearest. I hope this is true for you. And if it is, begin to take deliberate action and start caring more for your family. They are the people who love you even when you aren’t lovable. Remember to return to the favor…


“I don’t care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching–they are your family.”― Jim Butcher

blowing-hearts-730x400

Bless The Past & Say Hello to Your Future

You have to make peace with your past in order to keep your present and future from becoming hopeless battles. – Mark & Angel


I spent some quality time with my mum today. Talking about the challenges I’ve had in the work environment and sharing the victimizing experiences I’d had with former work colleagues over the years. I found myself laughing as I recounted the bizarre stories, and quietly but briefly, relived a few of the demeaning and humiliating moments.

I felt sweet gratitude wash over me as I shared these incidences because somehow it was hard to believe that I actually did survive them. I felt immensely thankful that they would now forever remain in my past.

I also felt hopeful about the future, knowing that the lessons I’ve learnt can only bring me good and gracious rewards. Just hearing myself laugh as I related these stories of meanness gave me a sense of contentment and tranquility that meant I was at peace with that part of my past.

Another thing that was so comforting during the conversation with my mum was hearing her share about her own sordid experiences in the work place. Many years ago as a young military corporal, and practicing Dental nurse, she had the devil for a boss.

She told me about the unrelenting sexual harassment and unwarranted punishments she had to endure and eventually, foregoing a promising career was the only way to end the continuing coercion.

Years later, she would later to be told by friends and former colleagues, about how the said officer was paid back in his own coin and severely too by time and chance. At the time, she had regained back her profession, and had had many more promising opportunities, some of which she voluntarily relinquished because she wanted to spend more time with us her children.

Today I’m reminded again, that life itself has got its own memory bank where it stores our dos and don’ts and then processes our wages alike. In due time it will give to each of us a corresponding feedback. Everyone in his own coin.

In this regard, I am reminded to consider my present moments as blessings, no matter how they turns out, because I know one day they would be my past. I am reminded also to bless the hardest and toughest of memories and to never hold on to pain, rather release them completely.

My mum also shared about another very disturbing encounter of victimization which she suffered from the hands of two female instructors at the Army Training School in Ojo cantonment, Lagos; in the 1970s. I wasn’t born at the time.

They were both her junior in age but she never spoke back in defense nor did she act rudely in any way. She was the only girl in her class, and for some reason, these instructors decided that they would make her life a living hell. In an attempt to explain how cruel they were, mum said that the only thing that kept her going was because she was bent on becoming a dental nurse by all means. Otherwise under normal circumstances, she would have quit.

Unbeknownst to them my mum’s uncle was a LT. Colonel at the time and as a result she had the acquaintance of several officers who knew her to be his niece. Still she never for once, did she fight back. Least of all make a boast or threaten to use her connections against these female instructors.

They would finally come to this knowledge during an unfortunate encounter with a third party and senior officer who witnessed the ill treatment they rendered to my mum. It was only then that the mistreatment stopped.

Several years down the line, their paths would cross again; they met at the military hospital in Yaba. Mum was visiting an old military acquaintance who worked there as a senior nurse. The story that ensues is one of soberness and regret with tons of apologies to my mum.

That nothing truly goes unnoticed will be my solemn conclusion from these stories. Life sucks it all in into its master memory board and each one of us must tread carefully as each step is a written code in that drive.

How about me and you? We too have also played our sordid roles one way or the other; somehow we have hurt others, mistreated another and betrayed some. Though the memories remain in the past, even so that past too should be blessed and released.

Today as you reminisce upon your own toughest and most engraving encounters, remember to bless them and release them, so that you can embrace the future. Life is too short to hold on to pain and too brief to hold back from liberation.


 

Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision – Mark & Angel

Bless the past